Organized Chaos

"I don't owe you a version of me, you can live with." 

100%!

As I mentioned at the beginning of the year, I started to embrace the motto, "Trust the process." It has changed my outlook and has made any setbacks less stressful. 

I got some devastating news back in the fall. It nearly pulled me under. It took me a long while to walk that off. 

I have been working on my healing journey for the past few years. I know that some of my reactions/behaviours were from being a victim of DV/narcissist.  

I would overthink everything and gave it way too much free rent in my head. I would over explain myself to make sure that I was understood. I would continue to explain long after I needed to. I was a people pleaser deep down and I would swim oceans for people that wouldn't cross puddles for me. I put up/excused others' toxic behaviour because the good seemed to outweigh the bad. I let people cross boundaries I set because they were my "friend". I allowed others to treat me less than I deserved because I was uncomfortable when people were mad at me.  I apologized more than I shouId/when it wasn't deserved. Basically, I gave everybody else my energy.

This year, I stopped.

I stopped explaining myself. 

I stopped allowing other people's disrespect. 

I stopped feeling like I needed to defend myself from others' opinions. 

I stopped caring about others' versions of me. 

I stopped reaching out to people that didn't reach back. 

I stopped fighting for people who wouldn't fight for me. 

I stopped defending my character to people determined to misunderstand it. 

I stopped people pleasing and started pouring into my own cup. 

I stopped allowing people to cross boundaries that protect my peace. 

I started holding people to a higher standard. 

I started holding firmer boundaries.

I started holding people accountable for their behaviour. 

I started holding myself to a higher standard. 

I no longer entertain bad behaviour or disrespect. 

I no longer stay in situations that don't involve me. I simply choose to remove myself.

I no longer swerve, trying to fix/help. I remain in my own lane.

I embraced the reality that I am too grown to worry about other people's versions/opinions of me. 

Don't like me? Do you, boo. 

If you come correct, we aren't going to have a problem. 

Just know, that anything less will not be tolerated. 

I won't scream or yell, I'll simply removed your access to my energy.

I protect my peace. 

And let me tell you.....

IT'S FEKKING FREEING!!

If you think you are beaten, you are;

If you think you dare not, you don’t;

If you’d like to win, but think you can’t,

It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,

For out in the word we find

Success begins with a fellow’s will,

It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outcasted, you are;

You’ve got to think high to rise.

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man;

But soon or late the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

– Walter D. Wintle

Today, I'm riding high.

We got some AMAZING news!

The life changing kind.

The kind that lifts weight off your shoulders. 

It was a great reminder of how blessed I am. 

A few years ago, I was struggling when something ended that I didn't want to. But life goes on, right?

To try and stay hopefully, I started to write on the inside of my wrist, "Faith over Fear." It was my daily reminder to have faith even when the uncertainty is scary. I was even debating getting it tattooed there, but I always joke that I will have the sexiest dot as my tat. Then, I'll nope out as my nerves are close to the surface. lol 

Eventually, I stopped doing it as I found my brave. 

The beginning of this year, I shifted my thinking. 

I did something HUGE for me. 

I LET GO of CONTROL.

The thing I held on so tightly to for years. The thing that kept me safe when my world turned upside down. The place where my walls were so high, nothing could get in. The thing that ensured, no one could hurt me again. I was in control of everything, so nothing could happen.

Letting go was scary.

Some days, I still have to remind myself... to Trust the Process.

It's not always easy for me, and I'm sure it will be an on-going journey.

Since I changed my thought process, I have become less stressed, and the blessings have been abundant in my life. It hasn't been easy, but it is sure paying off. 

I'm excited to see what the future holds. I no longer fear the uncertainty. I faced down fear, and I won!

So, today I remind myself, to do the scary thing, Trust the Process, and have Faith over Fear!

If we are all adults here, why is it that we are still acting childish? 

I understand that some of us here are more mature than others, but basic communication skills should still apply. 

Why do people feel the need to speak to others, instead of speaking directly to the person involved?

Why ask someone else to pass on a message when you can relay it yourself?

How is one supposed to take you seriously when you can't speak directly to them? Not only have you involved others in the situation, but you have then had to explain the situation to said individuals in order for them to pass on the message. 

Why not speak to them directly? 

Why is that so much to ask?

I don't hold grudges. It steals my joy and hangs onto the past. 

I live in the moment and realize that we are all human. We aren't perfect and we are all learning as we go. Nobody got handed a user's manual at birth.

Sometimes, we don't get it right the first time.

The way I look at it, it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it. Otherwise, it's an opportunity for growth. 

I understand that people change, learn, and grow. I also understand that not everyone has the desire to change and/or grow. Some are happy to stay stuck in their ways and don't see an issue with their behaviour. 

I'll keep it simple for you...

If you wronged me, right it. 

If you fucked up, fix it.

If you're sorry, apologize. 

If you want to talk, reach out. 

If I need to apologize, let's discuss it.

If your feelings are hurt, talk to me. I can't fix issues I am not aware of.

If you're looking for a second chance, shoot your shot. The worst that happens is that I say no. 

It's not that complicated.

I am a private person when it comes to my business. The last thing I want, is for others to be put in the middle. We all know how well the "telephone game" works. I have been in the middle, and it is not somewhere I want to be again. 

Involving others in a conversation that should be between the 2 involved, encourages miscommunication, misunderstandings, and unnecessary drama. 

I'm at a point in my life where I have no interest in drama or feel the need to have an opinion about other people's business that does not involve me. 

Do better. Make good choices.

Hope you have the best birthday and that you have a day as special as you are!

🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🎊🎊🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉

To all who served, and to the families that supported those who served....

Thank you for your sacrifice.

My life is simple now. 

If you reach out, I'll respond.

If you go quiet, I'll match that. 

You check in on me, I'll do the same.

I reflect the energy I receive.

No chasing.

No pressure.

No second guessing.

I've come to value peace over attention. 

I don't beg for time, force connections, or disrupt anyone's space.

I let things be.

I believe in energy, and I return it exactly how it's given.

Be real with me and I'll be loyal without question, 

But if you play games, act distant, or vanish, I won't argue.

I'll take the hint and respect the space.

I'm not angry, just done done with confusion, mixed messages, and putting in effort alone. 

These days, I protect my peace above all. 

No drama.

No mind games.

If you want me in your life, 

Show it.

If not, that's okay, too. 

I won't beg or demand answers.

I used to overthink everything.

Now, I just accept and move on. 

It's not about ego.

It's about peace.

I've stopped trying to revive what's already over.

Respect and communication matter.

Effort always speaks louder than talk. 

If you want to be treated right, 

Show up right, 

Because I match what I get. 

Nothing more. 

Nothing less.

~ RS