consent
noun
permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
verb
give permission for something to happen.
xxx
Informed consent
is a process of communication between you and your healthcare provider that often leads to agreement or permission for care, treatment, or services. Every patient has the right to get information and ask questions before procedures and treatments.
Now before anyone scratches their head too hard I realize I'm using a medical term in an unrelated field, (Personally, I think the medical field and the lifestyle have a lot in common but that's a random thought for another time.) but hear me out. Consent is just the act of getting permission. In the lifestyle, there are a lot of gray areas. Let's take for instance the act of grooming. Let me give you a scenario.
A sub and a Dom are getting to know each other, both are attracted and both are interested in continuing to get to know one another, flirting. The sub is new and still learning and is very interested in learning to be a good sub and what that means. The Dom wants to start a dynamic but the sub feels unready and communicates this. The Dom is amenable. They continue to communicate and flirt. The Dom begins sending tasks and things for the sub to do, in the name of educating the sub in the submissive lifestyle. They aren't bad or dangerous, just simple tasks.
Now let us take this apart. The sub is looking to learn. They have come to a Dom to learn. The Dom is willing to help the sub learn. The Dom becomes wanting of a dynamic and states that. The sub is not interested in a dynamic. The Dom begins giving directions.
Now.....
The sub has given consent to be educated and the Dom is trying to do that, however, the Dom is also grooming the sub. They could be completely innocent and be grooming the sub to be a sub, or they could be grooming the sub to be THEIR sub at a later date. Consent was given but not INFORMED CONSENT. The sub is lacking information that they probably don't even know they need. Just like a medical doctor, the Dom has knowledge and expertise that the sub has no idea about. The sub did not agree to a course of treatment. They have no idea what the course of treatment is, they don't know if a course of treatment has started and they don't know what the goal is for that course of treatment.
As knowledgeable Dom's we have a great deal of power to do harm and I think we need to recognize and confront that daily. I think we need to think beyond simple consent and practice informed consent. Safety for both partners is the MOST important thing and I think in the above scenario both parties are in danger. The sub could be unknowingly walking into an unsafe situation and the Dom could be setting themselves up for heartbreak. Deep, crystal-clear communication is imperative and I think it could help the community if we looked at our tenants in deeper and more meaningful ways.
I hope you dream of lovely dragons.
