I heard that to give and to receive is not about the gift or the receiver. But I think it is the giver who owns the power. So how does this work in the age old BDSM setting where submission is a gift?
Please note. This doesn’t cover D/s relationships where there is an active choice for play dynamics. This is more about the old school approach which I feel more drawn to.
Giving
Giving may make you feel good about yourself, a warm feeling in the thought you should make that person happy in this gift.
Or perhaps it doesn’t matter if they feel good or not, but you know you have given and it makes you feel good anyway.
Or maybe the gift is merely an obligation, with no real thought or feeling. Perhaps the receiver won’t notice, but will feel good anyway.
The gift may be of great worth, in time, money, difficulty or effort. The receiver may acknowledge that, or not. The giver may decide to tell the receiver, to prompt the appreciation, for the effort and/or increased value. Then the gift becomes even more about the giving and the giver rather than a gift for the receiver.
In a BDSM context..
For a submissive, to give freely is to be open and not resist/hold back, but also not to expect anything in return, but to find warmth in the knowledge that their gift is gratefully accepted, no matter the worth. A completely selfless act.
When a Dominant gives their time, their effort, their care, their pain, what is the driving force? To ultimately enjoy directly controlling the pleasure and pain of their submissive? So to give is to gain power in this respect.
Receiving
To receive a gift, is lovely to have, an honour perhaps, and usually a thank you or acknowledgment follows to the giver. This may be an automatic response without thought, or perhaps after careful consideration as to the worth and the effort on the part of the giver.
But is it a gift for you, or for them? Are they really giving you something for you, or merely making themselves feel good in the act of giving? The receiver may not even want this gift, and is then forced to be grateful. The hope is that it is something wanted, and there is a mutual benefit in the process to both parties.
In a BDSM context..
A Dominant should recognise a gift is truly selfless or not. A gift given freely, with great worth, the gift of complete submission or ownership is a heavy gift to hold, but there is no greater honour. Can the Dominant bear the weight of this responsibility and cherish what is theirs? The trust should not be broken.
If the gift is not given selflessly, should the dominant still accept? To me it doesn’t sound sincere, and there is still training to be done, and trust to be built.
As a submissive, to receive the care and attention from the Dominant is a privilege. It’s not always easy to accept without being able to return it. But, it is the Dominants choice to give and the submissive must obey and take what is given, as this is the power and control the Dominant craves.
Summary
I believe when a D/s dynamic is working, the act of giving and receiving is in its purest form. Freely given submission with no expectations, and gratefully accepted and handled by the Dominant. No words are needed, only trust. This is a true gift.
This is what I strive for in my submission, although my Sir says it is nearer to slavery than submission. So be it.
