I swear to walk my spiritual path with intention and honesty, to continue learning, growing, and listening as I am able.
I vow to remain mindful in my submission, practicing it with integrity, self respect, and care, and to offer my best effort each day, knowing that growth is a living thing.
This I swear in good faith, to the best of my ability, and with honor.
This past week I did something a little outside my comfort zone. I attended a virtual support growth circle for s-types. The focus was on visioning and goal setting for slavery, submission, and service in the coming year. And honestly? I didn’t expect it to hit me the way it did.
I’ve never really been one for resolutions or long term goal setting. I don’t know if it is fear of failing, lack of follow through, or just knowing myself well enough to assume I won’t maintain it, but historically, I just, don’t do that. So walking into a space that asked me to look ahead like this felt a little scary. But also? Kinda thrilling. I felt a sense of belonging almost immediately. Listening to other s-types share their words, their hopes, their intentions, it stirred something soft and curious in me. I left that circle with my brain buzzing and my heart a little fluttery.
I sat with it for several days after. Letting it roll around in my head. And eventually, I chose to engage with it instead of avoiding it (which, yes, is growth for me). They had said we could pick as many or as few words as we wanted. Given my track record, maybe “follow through” should’ve been the obvious choice, but instead, I found myself drawn to three words. Three words that feel grounding, protective, and deeply aligned with how I want to live my slavery next year.
Stewardship
The disciplined care of what has been entrusted.
This one landed in my heart in the best way. Stewardship centers responsibility over performance. It reminds me that my slavery isn’t about proving or pushing, it is about conscious tending. To my body. My protocols. My service. My limits. It honors Leather values of accountability while still letting me remain sovereign and present inside my devotion. That feels, really good.
Integrated
All parts acknowledged and included.
This word feels deeply personal to me. Given my lived experience with DID and internal systems, integration matters. A lot. This word tells me that my slavery does not require fragmentation to function. I don’t have to split myself apart to be “good.” My service gets to hold all of me. Every part. Every voice. That feels tender and incredibly affirming.
Sustainable
Built to last without self harm.
Ohhh this one, this one feels important. Sustainable reframes devotion as something livable, not extractive. It reminds me that no protocol that breaks me is worthy of my service. My slavery deserves to be steady, embodied, and long-lasting, not something I burn myself out on trying to maintain. I want to last. I want my devotion to endure.
My 2026 Intention Statement
In 2026, I commit to Stewardship of my service, my body, and my devotion. My slavery is not an act of disappearance, but of responsible care. I choose to tend what I am given, agreements, protocols, rituals, and expectations, with honesty and accountability, while also honoring my own limits. I will no longer confuse endurance with worth, nor sacrifice my well being to prove loyalty.
I enter this year Integrated. All parts of me are welcome within my service. I will not fragment, mask, or silence myself in order to be acceptable or compliant. My obedience will be conscious, chosen, and whole, rooted in consent and clarity rather than fear or survival. Unity within myself is not a weakness, it is the foundation of my strength as a slave.
Above all, my devotion in 2026 will be Sustainable. I will build a dynamic that can be lived in, not survived. My service will be steady rather than extractive, intentional rather than compulsive. What I offer will be real, embodied, and lasting, because a slavery that destroys the slave is not honorable, and a devotion that cannot endure is not true.
I don’t know exactly what this next year will bring. I still feel shy about goal setting. But choosing these words feels different. It feels intentional. It feels kind. And it feels like a promise, not to be perfect, but to be present.
And honestly? I’m excited. Excited to see how this unfolds, one obedient, thoughtful, sustainable step at a time
I recently went to a discussion group, and I honestly didn’t expect how much it would fill my cup. There was warmth in the room, laughter, thoughtful conversation, and that quiet feeling of being understood without having to explain myself too much. One moment in particular stayed with me. A fellow submissive shared that she has an altar in her home dedicated to her submission.
As she spoke, I felt something in me light up.
Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. The idea of creating an altar for myself feels deeply grounding. I love the thought of having something tangible to look at, something that helps me visualize my submission and keep my intentions clear. A space that gently reminds me who I am, how I serve, and what I am working toward, not out of pressure, but out of devotion and care.
More than anything, I’m drawn to the quiet intimacy of it. A place where I can sit with myself, breathe, reflect, and reconnect with my submissive headspace. Somewhere I can honor my service, my growth, and my commitment in a way that feels nurturing and intentional. The more I imagine it, the more it feels like an act of self love through submission, rooted, mindful, and entirely mine.
As I sit here, my heart a little fluttery with excitement, I’ve started to lovingly ponder what I might place on my altar. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm and centered. So far, these are the pieces that are calling to me.
I imagine beginning with a small purple cloth, the exact shade that represents the House of Koch, laying the foundation for everything else. Resting on it would be my very first collar, the one my Master Damon gave me, now retired, but still so full of meaning and memory. Alongside it, my wolf tag with my name on it. It once hung from my collar, but after it was removed, it became something just for me, something deeply personal.
I would add the candle I had when I first met my Master Calvin, its presence reminding me of beginnings and the feelings that stirred in me then. I’d like to place a framed copy of my slave papers there as well, honoring my identity and the path I walk. Perhaps a few crystals, chosen intuitively, and a vase of flowers, or maybe even a small plant, something I can nurture, the way I nurture my submission itself.
I love the idea of keeping my small recording device there too, so I can softly speak my thoughts when they arise and later give them form in words. Maybe my favorite Gorean novel would rest nearby, or a small card with my favorite submissive quotes, something to read when I need grounding or inspiration. Of course, there would be a picture of my Masters, watching over the space, and finally, a small piece of leather, simple, symbolic, and deeply comforting.
Even imagining it all together makes me feel more rooted, more present, and quietly happy in my submission.
So what would you add to your altar? Let me know in the comments!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the Gorean novels and what they actually say about slavery, devotion, and desire, especially when compared to how parts of the Gorean Lifestyle sometimes get practiced or spoken about today. This is coming from my own heart, from a place of submission, reflection, and love for the philosophy as I understand it.
In the books, it is very clear that most often there is one slave for one Master. That bond matters. Many kajirae become love slaves, deeply cherished, deeply wanted, and deeply seen by their Masters. Even when the text explores darker or more controversial elements, such as Masters who genetically created slaves with deformities because they found them exotic. It still reinforces one powerful truth, every slave was unique. No two were the same. No two were desired for the same reasons. Slaves were not interchangeable objects, they were individuals, shaped by purpose, temperament, body, and spirit.
That’s why it truly troubles me when, in the Gorean Lifestyle, I hear kajirae tearing each other down. “She’s not obedient enough.” “She’s not pleasing.” “She doesn’t have this skill or that skill.” As if there is a single mold we are all supposed to fit into. As if worth is measured by a checklist instead of by presence, intention, and devotion.
The books never supported that idea. Quite the opposite. Masters celebrated their slaves. They delighted in their differences. One slave might be prized for grace, another for fire, another for softness, another for endurance. Diversity wasn’t a flaw, it was the point. It was what made ownership meaningful and desire specific.
As a kajira at heart, I believe this deeply, I do not need to be like any other slave to be valuable. And neither do you. We are not meant to mirror each other. We are meant to be ourselves, offered honestly and fully, for the Master who desires exactly what we are.
So please, do not berate another slave for not being you, for not serving the way you serve, or for walking a different path of obedience. She is not you. And honestly? Her Master likely prefers it that way.
Submission is not sameness. It is sincerity. And diversity, in all its forms, is a beautiful thing worthy of celebration.
Some quotes from the books. That either reference specific types of slaves, or how the Master's will and pleasure controls them.
For More Research - Please Read The Series!
It is a beautiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her love master, and the man realizes that the girl he bought, looking up at him, tears in her eyes, is his love slave.
Then the only danger is that he will weaken. One must be strong with a love slave. If one truly loves her, he will be that strong. The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. She must serve him with a perfection which would stun and startle other girls; if she should fail in any way, even in so small a way that the lapse would be overlooked in the case of another wench, or bring perhaps a mild word of reprimand, she is likely to be tied at the slave ring and whipped; there is a good reason for this; she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a man's power; and with no woman must he be stronger. Beasts of Gor Book 12 Page 236
Though any Gorean male might make me, in spite of myself, a panting, orgasmic slave in his arms, I knew it had been only he, Clitus Vitellius, whom I had truly loved, and yet loved. In his arms I had always been the most helpless. He was my love master. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 358
Lara's lips had been rich and fine, sensitive and curious, tender, eager, hungry; the lips of Vika were maddening; I recalled those lips, full and red, pouting, defiant, scornful, scarlet with a slave girl's challenge to my blood; I wondered if Vika might be a bred slave, a Passion Slave, one of those girls bred for beauty and passion over generations by the zealous owners of the great Slave Houses of Ar, for lips such as Vika's were a feature often bred into Passion Slaves; they were lips formed for the kiss of a master. Priest-Kings of Gor Book 3 Page 53
Ho-Hak's right ear twitched. His ears were unusual, very large, and with extremely long lower lobes, drawn lower still by small, heavy pendants set in them. He had been a slave, doubtless, and, doubtless, judging by the collar, and the large hands and broad back, had served on the galleys, but he had been an unusual slave, a bred exotic, doubtless originally intended by the slave maters for a destiny higher than that of galley bench.
There are various types of "exotics" bred by Gorean slavers, all of whom are to be distinguished from more normal varieties of bred slaves, such as Passion Slaves and Draft Slaves. Exotics may be bred for almost any purpose, and some of these purposes, unfortunately, seem to be little more than to produce quaint or unusual specimens. Ho-Hak may well have been one so bred.
"You are an exotic," I said to him.
Ho-Hak's ears leaned forward toward me, but he did not seem angry. He had brown hair, and brown eyes; the hair, long, was tied behind his head with a string of rence cloth. He wore a sleeveless tunic of rence cloth, like most of the rence growers.
"Yes," said Ho-Hak. "I was bred for a collector."
"I see," I said.
"I broke his neck and escaped," said Ho-Hak. "Later I was recaptured and sent to the galleys."
"And you again escaped," I said.
"In doing so," said Ho-Hak, looking at his large hands, heavy and powerful, "I killed six men." Raiders of Gor Book 6 Pages 15 - 16
Ho-Hak had been bred a slave, a degraded and distorted exotic, Raiders of Gor Book 6 Page 88
I have not mentioned exotics, incidentally, slaves bred or trained for unusual purposes. Fighting Slave of Gor Book 14 Page 164
Another slave, an exotic, bred for stripes, put more laundry beside her. Prize of Gor Book 27 Page 136
[More Quotes On Exotics and Bred Slaves, Both Male, and Female]()
"You will learn to
wear tunics, and silks, and bangles," I said. "You will be taught to kneel and move. You may be perfumed and painted. Swordsmen of Gor Book 29 Page 383
Just as, in our world, it is not uncommon to seek the advice of an interior decorator in obtaining and organizing the appointments of one's own dwelling, so, too, in the Gorean world, it is not uncommon to call in a trainer and beautician to appraise and improve a girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 216
Men are so vain. You should see how some of them lead naked, painted, bejeweled slaves about on leashes, put them through slave paces publicly, make them dance in the open for tarsk-bits, put them up as stakes in the dicing halls, and marketplaces, and such. Prize of Gor Book 27 Page 154
This was the day of my collaring. I was not permitted cosmetics. Captive of Gor Book 7 Page 269
How incredibly, and yet rationally and justifiably, I felt at his mercy. He was my master. He owned me. He could do whatever he wanted with me. He could trade me or sell me, or even slay me upon a whim, should he wish. I was absolutely his, his girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 108
I would allow Vika to share the great stone couch, it's sleeping pelts, and silken sheets. This was unusual, however, for normally the Gorean slave girl sleeps at the foot of her Masters couch, often on a straw mat with only a thin, cotton-like blanket, woven from the soft fibers of the Rep plant, to protect her from the cold. If she has not pleased her Master of late, she may be, of course, as a disciplinary measure, simply chained nude to the slave ring in the bottom of the couch, sans both the blanket and the mat. The stones of the floor are hard and the Gorean nights cold and it is a rare girl who, when unchained in the morning, does not seek more dutifully to serve her master. Priest ings of Gor Book 3 Page 67
How incredibly, and yet rationally and justifiably, I felt at his mercy. He was my master. He owned me. He could do whatever he wanted with me. He could trade me or sell me, or even slay me upon a whim, should he wish. I was absolutely his, his girl. Slave Girl of Gor Book 11 Page 108
I pride myself on mentoring people in this lifestyle. It is something I hold close to my heart, and I take it seriously. I tend to mentor one on one, quietly, intentionally, and with a lot of care.
I also want to be very clear about one boundary I keep for myself, I don’t mentor Dominants. That isn’t judgment, it is ethics, at least as I understand them. In my world, Dominants should be mentored by other Dominants, and submissives by other submissives. Power deserves to be learned from those who live it from the same side of the slash. But that’s a deeper conversation for another day.
That is my opinion. No, I will not argue it, in the comment section.
Recently, someone asked me what I like to start with when I mentor. What’s the first lesson? What do I teach right out the gate? The honest answer is, it depends. I know how much people hate that response. It is so vague.
Most of my mentoring is tailored specifically to the individual, because no two submissives are the same. I shape conversations, lessons, training ideas, and guidance around the kind of submissive you desire to be. I also say this early and often, I am not an expert. Not even close. Everything I offer is rooted in my lived experience and the education I’ve gathered along the way. I don’t pretend to know everything, and I never want to.
After we talk about consent, autonomy, bodily agency, and your rights as a human being and a submissive, there’s one thing I almost always say next.
Surround yourself with other submissives. As many as you can.
Please don’t make me your only mentor. That’s not healthy, and it is not fair to you. I can only teach what I know. For example, I am not a full time brat, so I would never claim I can fully educate someone on that path. I can offer perspective, sure, but lived experience matters.
Find submissives you admire. Find ones whose energy calls to you. Find ones who submit differently than you do. Each of us carries our own stories, wounds, joys, mistakes, and wisdom.
I like to think of it like a big, infinite buffet table.
Every submissive brings a dish. You get to sit at the table, talk, listen, learn, and taste. You can fill your plate with the things that nourish you, the flavors that feel right in your body and your heart. And the things that don’t resonate? You can simply smile and say, “Thank you,” and leave them for someone else. No guilt. No shame. No judgment!
Always take guidance with a grain of salt. Not everything will apply to you, and that is more than okay. It is healthy. What matters most is that you are happy, your partner is happy, and the dynamic you’ve negotiated together is consensual, informed, and intentional.
You don’t need to submit the way I do. You don’t need to submit the way your friends do. You don’t need to submit the way anyone else thinks you “should.”
You are not them. Your relationship is not theirs.
You are a unique and beautiful person, and that deserves to be celebrated, not corrected. So go to classes. Read books. Devour podcasts. Attend live demos. Ask questions. Listen more than you speak. And when possible, experience things in consensual, risk aware ways. Be informed, be cautious, and be gentle with yourself, because yes, sometimes shit happens, and sometimes we get hurt. Growth isn’t sterile. Learning isn’t always pretty.
But you are allowed to learn. You are allowed to explore. And you are allowed to become the submissive that feels most true to you.
Shared spaces in the kink community are a privilege, not a right.
They exist so we can come together, across dynamics, identities, structures, and lived experiences, to learn, connect, support, laugh, vent, heal, and sometimes just breathe in the presence of people who get it. These spaces are not created so someone can show up, scan the room, decide they don’t approve of the people in it, and then take that judgment elsewhere to belittle, mock, or publicly berate them online.
That behavior is unacceptable. Full stop.
If you attend a shared space and see people living their lives, practicing their dynamics, or expressing their submission or Dominance differently than you do, that does not give you permission to attack them. Just because something isn’t your way does not make it wrong. It simply makes it different.
Here’s the part some people seem to struggle with: no one else’s dynamic affects yours if you are not part of it. Their relationship does not weaken yours. Their structure does not invalidate yours. Their expression does not diminish your authority, submission, devotion, or identity in any way.
And if you claim that someone else’s dynamic “influences” you? That is not their problem. That is a you problem.
Shared spaces are not echo chambers meant to mirror your personal beliefs. They are community spaces. That means diversity. That means differences. That means seeing people who don’t do things the way you do, and learning to sit with that without lashing out.
Let me be extremely clear about my own boundaries.
People who show up to shared spaces, observe others, and then choose to judge, ridicule, or attack them, publicly or privately, are not welcome in any space I host. Ever!
The spaces I create are protected intentionally. I consider it a sacred duty to safeguard the people in our community, especially those who are vulnerable, learning, healing, or finding their voice. My responsibility is not to appease closed minded individuals. My responsibility is to maintain spaces that are safe, respectful, and free from judgment and harassment.
If you are so rigid in your thinking that you cannot coexist with people who practice kink, power exchange, or relationships differently than you do, then the work is yours to do. Maturity means recognizing that your way is not the only way. Growth means educating yourself instead of attacking others. Wisdom means understanding that community requires tolerance, humility, and respect.
This community is wide. It is layered. It is complex. And it is not built to cater to anyone’s ego.
So here is my firm and final stance, If you cannot show up with respect, openness, and basic human decency, you do not belong in my spaces. I will always choose to protect my community over indulging judgment, cruelty, or intellectual laziness.
We are not required to be the same.
We are required to be respectful.
And that is a boundary I will continue to enforce, without apology.
I’m slowly learning that finding grace in a 24/7 TPE dynamic isn’t about forcing myself to “like” not getting my way. It is about learning how to yield without breaking myself, over and over again.
For me, surrender isn’t a single decision, it is a daily, moment by moment choice. And honestly? My emotions don’t quietly bow just because I say the words “Yes, my Master.” Grace comes from practice, softness, and honesty, not punishment or perfection.
These are the ways I’ve been learning to hold that grace,
I remind myself that surrender is a choice I give daily. I didn’t suddenly become someone who never wants control again.
I simply choose to yield, again and again, especially in the moments where my wants rub against His word. That’s where the heart of the dynamic actually lives.
I separate desire from obedience. I can want something deeply. I can feel disappointed or even stung. But obedience is not the absence of feelings, it is choosing the dynamic over those feelings. Grace sounds like:
“I feel this, and still, I choose my place.”
I let myself feel the unfairness quietly. Because TPE isn’t always fair and it isn’t meant to be. But what I agreed to wasn’t born from fairness, it was born from integrity. I let the emotion rise, breathe through it, and avoid letting it spill out as disrespect. Grace is the space between the feeling and the reaction.
I also fail at this part, a lot.
“Not getting what I want” does not mean “not being cared for.”** This one trips me up the most. I’m used to interpreting disappointment as rejection. But His choices aren’t a reflection of my value. He’s human, sometimes tired, overwhelmed, imperfect. Grace is choosing to trust His intention even when I struggle with His execution.
I use rituals of surrender.** A gesture helps so much, kneeling, hands behind me, head bowed.
My body remembers what my mind forgets, “I choose obedience, even when it stings.”
I accept that submission will sometimes feel scary, frustrating, or unfair.** Struggling doesn’t mean I’m failing as a slave. It means I’m growing into my submission. Grace is pausing instead of exploding. Breathing instead of lashing out. Speaking gently instead of reacting impulsively.
I stay honest, not silent.** Grace isn’t swallowing everything. It is expressing my needs from a submissive heart, not a wounded ego. “I’m struggling.” “I need guidance.”
“I feel overwhelmed.” These sentences are still submissive.
My dignity shows in how I handle the moments that don’t go my way.** Anyone can be soft when everything feels perfect. Real submission shows when the feelings get hard and I choose devotion anyway.
The Practical Side, Needs, Agreements, and Structure
All of this is so much harder if you haven’t actually sat down with your Dominant and talked about your needs. Needs are not negotiable. If He can’t meet them, He might not be the right Dominant for you. Just like you must meet His non negotiable needs. Wants can be refused. But needs cannot, ignoring needs only builds resentment. A huge part of our smoothness came from sitting down and defining our Areas of Control.
Here are the categories my Masters and I use
Relationships
Adding friends online
Permission to speak with Dominants
Ending relationships (platonic, online, romantic, etc.)
Boundaries with friends and family
Food
What I’m permitted to eat
Asking for permission to eat
Medical
Scheduling appointments
Discussing major medical decisions
Speech
What language is permitted
Asking instead of telling
Diet & Weight
Diet based on medical needs
Calorie or carb limits
Monitoring sweets or hydration
Limiting caffeine, soda, alcohol
Exercise
Daily exercise routine
Weight goals
Doctor approval for extreme workouts
Sexual
Following limits
Orgasm control
Sexual partners
Chastity
Toys and devices
CNC scenes
Whether sexual favors to others are allowed
Attitude / Behavior
Facial expressions
Body language
Tone
Posture (sitting, kneeling)
Safeword for emotional overwhelm
Voting
Whether my Dominant chooses how I vote
Medications
Dispensing medication
Ensuring meds are taken on time
Discussing new prescriptions and side effects
Hygiene / Self-Care
Shaving
Bath times
Hair-washing
Teeth brushing
Lotions
Nail care
Perfume/deodorant
Body checks for skin issues or injuries
Education
Topics I’m allowed to learn
Classes, support groups, discussions
BDSM education
Entertainment
Screen time
Music
TV, movies
Video games
Books
Hobbies
Writing / Blogs
What I’m permitted to write about
Blogs and groups I can read
Religion
Whether I may practice
Service attendance
Set times for spiritual practice
Clothing
What I may wear
Purchases
Whether I wear clothing inside
Panty rules
Beauty Routine
Makeup
Hairstyles, dye
Skincare routinesSerums and treatments
Sleep / Bedtime
How long I sleep
Bedtime and wake times
Wind-down routines
Time allowed to wake up
Travel
Outings with friends
Where I sit in the car
Solo trips
Who arranges travel
Body Modification
Tattoos
Piercings
Hair changes
Any permanent modifications
Teaching
Whether I may teach
Classes online or in person
Being a demo bottom
Finances
Who controls finances
Asking to spend
Allowance
Savings requirements
Bathroom Control
Permission to use the bathroom
Being watched
How to ask at home and in public
Household
Decorating
Household decisions, repairs, maintenance
These categories helped us so much. Even in a full TPE, a Dominant doesn’t have to control everything. Some areas take time to surrender. That’s okay. I also know that what I have listed is not everything. Honestly, this just works for me. for my dynamic with my Masters. It may not work for you, and that is also. Okay.
We also distinguish between
Blanket Control – He sets guidelines I automatically follow
Micro-Management – I ask every time
Getting clarity on these made our dynamic incredibly smooth. We keep a contract and review it every three months. That works for us for a check in. I know some couples do not use contracts at all, and that is once again. Okay.
Protocols & Color System
We also use color-coded protocols,
Red = High Protocol Silent unless spoken to, Ask for everything, no exceptions, Strict honorifics, Absolute obedience unless safeworded. (If you do not use safewords. That is okay. )
Yellow = Medium Protocol Respectful, honorifics, Must ask for most things, Can speak freely with respectful tone
Green = Low Protocol Follow standing rules, No permission needed for small things, Playful, silly, sassy allowed, Casual nicknames permitted
And finally for me, grace is simply the way I soften into all of this.
One Final Note
I truly think it helps so much for Dominants to speak with other Dominants, and for submissives to have submissive only spaces.
Each side learns in such different ways.
And Remember, there is no one true way to run a dynamic. Every TPE is unique. What matters is that it works for you and is built with communication, clarity, structure, care, and enthusiastic informed consent.
One of the weekly tasks my Masters give me is something I’ve actually become super grateful for, a current-events assignment.
Every week I have to choose an up to date topic about something happening in the world. It can be international, national, statewide, local, or even just something I think They’d want to know about. Once I pick the topic, I have to dig for credible sources, news articles, reputable sites, videos from verified stations, and gather everything neatly for Them.
And then comes the fun part.
I have to explain what’s happening, why it’s happening, why it matters, and add my own personal opinion. Yes… They make me think. They make me form opinions. They make me say what I believe and why. And for some reason that just hits a very specific submissive switch inside me, the “yes, make my brain work for You” button.
I’ll be honestt, this is one of the tasks I genuinely love. It keeps me aware of what’s happening around me. It challenges me in ways that aren’t boring or repetitive, like chores can sometimes become. It is creative, and I love knowing that every week I get to show up to our Dom Talk check ins holding something new, researched, polished, and offered like a little intellectual gift at Their feet.
And the best part?
Their other slave has to do it too, and we never tell each other what topic we’re doing. Two months of this so far, and not once have we picked the same thing. I actually look forward to hearing what she brings. I love seeing what she finds relevant, what sparks her passion, what she thinks matters. It feels like we’re learning side by side, offering up different pieces of the world to the same Hands.
There’s something deeply satisfying about a task that trains my obedience and engages my mind. Something that makes me feel useful, intelligent, and connected to Them. Something that leaves me kneeling there with my notes and links and thoughts, hoping They’ll be proud that I paid attention, that I learned, that I brought something meaningful to Them.
I love when my Masters find ways to guide me, that light me up like this, fun, stimulating, and still undeniably submissive. It makes me feel seen.
It makes me feel owned. It makes me feel… good.
And I can’t wait to see what I get to bring Them this week.
I’m absolutely thrilled about how amazing our Subby Hotline turnout was tonight! We made so many new friends and had such a rich, heartfelt conversation. Tonight’s topic was *Staying in Your Submissive Headspace* and exploring ways our Dominants can support us in that space. The perspectives and ideas shared were incredible.
Huge love and gratitude to my two besties, Cyn and Tova, for helping make it all happen and to everyone who showed up and contributed. I adore you all so much.
There’s a kind of silence that doesn’t come from peace, it comes from the absence of something sacred.
Lately, that’s what I’ve been living in. A quiet, aching space between what my heart longs for and what life currently allows.
Our home has become a place of care and compassion, full of people who need tending. Family members with illnesses, dementia, bipolar disorder, souls who need patience, stability, and love. And I give that, wholeheartedly. It is what’s right. It is what’s needed. But somewhere in the process of caring for others, I’ve had to tuck away pieces of myself.
The part that kneels.The part that bows her head and whispers, yes, my Master. The part that lives and breathes devotion through ritual. Those small, quiet moments that used to anchor me, kneeling, offering, surrendering, are no longer part of my daily rhythm. And without them, I feel... adrift.
There’s a grief that comes with that loss, even though it feels strange to call it grief. But that’s what it is. A mourning for something still alive, just out of reach. The rituals were never just “acts” or “roles.” They were breaths. Heartbeats. Sacred pauses in the noise of the world where I could just be, Theirs.
Now, I move through my days surrounded by family, keeping the peace, keeping the masks on. I smile, I comfort, I tend to those who need it most. But beneath it all, there’s this dull ache, a hunger that hums low and constant.
It isn’t about sex, or even about control. It is about expression. It is about the freedom to live in my truth. To kneel without needing to explain why. To feel Their presence in the air and know that my submission has a place to breathe. And when that breath is held too long, the edges of me start to blur. I feel myself spiraling a little, grieving what I can’t express, missing what made me feel whole.
I know this isn’t forever. I know love and devotion don’t vanish just because the rituals have paused. But still, I can’t help but feel the pull of it, the yearning to return to that space where I can exhale, surrender, and feel the world fall quiet again.
Until then, I hold the ache like a prayer. I whisper devotion in the spaces between tasks, and hope that, somehow, They still feel it, that my heart still kneels, even when my body cannot.