Under The Whip

This past week I did something a little outside my comfort zone. I attended a virtual support growth circle for s-types. The focus was on visioning and goal setting for slavery, submission, and service in the coming year. And honestly? I didn’t expect it to hit me the way it did.

I’ve never really been one for resolutions or long term goal setting. I don’t know if it is fear of failing, lack of follow through, or just knowing myself well enough to assume I won’t maintain it, but historically, I just, don’t do that. So walking into a space that asked me to look ahead like this felt a little scary. But also? Kinda thrilling. I felt a sense of belonging almost immediately. Listening to other s-types share their words, their hopes, their intentions, it stirred something soft and curious in me. I left that circle with my brain buzzing and my heart a little fluttery.

I sat with it for several days after. Letting it roll around in my head. And eventually, I chose to engage with it instead of avoiding it (which, yes, is growth for me). They had said we could pick as many or as few words as we wanted. Given my track record, maybe “follow through” should’ve been the obvious choice, but instead, I found myself drawn to three words. Three words that feel grounding, protective, and deeply aligned with how I want to live my slavery next year.

Stewardship
The disciplined care of what has been entrusted.

This one landed in my heart in the best way. Stewardship centers responsibility over performance. It reminds me that my slavery isn’t about proving or pushing, it is about conscious tending. To my body. My protocols. My service. My limits. It honors Leather values of accountability while still letting me remain sovereign and present inside my devotion. That feels, really good.

Integrated
All parts acknowledged and included.

This word feels deeply personal to me. Given my lived experience with DID and internal systems, integration matters. A lot. This word tells me that my slavery does not require fragmentation to function. I don’t have to split myself apart to be “good.” My service gets to hold all of me. Every part. Every voice. That feels tender and incredibly affirming.

Sustainable
Built to last without self harm.

Ohhh this one, this one feels important. Sustainable reframes devotion as something livable, not extractive. It reminds me that no protocol that breaks me is worthy of my service. My slavery deserves to be steady, embodied, and long-lasting, not something I burn myself out on trying to maintain. I want to last. I want my devotion to endure.

My 2026 Intention Statement

In 2026, I commit to Stewardship of my service, my body, and my devotion. My slavery is not an act of disappearance, but of responsible care. I choose to tend what I am given, agreements, protocols, rituals, and expectations, with honesty and accountability, while also honoring my own limits. I will no longer confuse endurance with worth, nor sacrifice my well being to prove loyalty.

I enter this year Integrated. All parts of me are welcome within my service. I will not fragment, mask, or silence myself in order to be acceptable or compliant. My obedience will be conscious, chosen, and whole, rooted in consent and clarity rather than fear or survival. Unity within myself is not a weakness, it is the foundation of my strength as a slave.

Above all, my devotion in 2026 will be Sustainable. I will build a dynamic that can be lived in, not survived. My service will be steady rather than extractive, intentional rather than compulsive. What I offer will be real, embodied, and lasting, because a slavery that destroys the slave is not honorable, and a devotion that cannot endure is not true.

I don’t know exactly what this next year will bring. I still feel shy about goal setting. But choosing these words feels different. It feels intentional. It feels kind. And it feels like a promise, not to be perfect, but to be present.

And honestly? I’m excited. Excited to see how this unfolds, one obedient, thoughtful, sustainable step at a time
 

I recently went to a discussion group, and I honestly didn’t expect how much it would fill my cup. There was warmth in the room, laughter, thoughtful conversation, and that quiet feeling of being understood without having to explain myself too much. One moment in particular stayed with me. A fellow submissive shared that she has an altar in her home dedicated to her submission.

As she spoke, I felt something in me light up.

Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. The idea of creating an altar for myself feels deeply grounding. I love the thought of having something tangible to look at, something that helps me visualize my submission and keep my intentions clear. A space that gently reminds me who I am, how I serve, and what I am working toward, not out of pressure, but out of devotion and care.

More than anything, I’m drawn to the quiet intimacy of it. A place where I can sit with myself, breathe, reflect, and reconnect with my submissive headspace. Somewhere I can honor my service, my growth, and my commitment in a way that feels nurturing and intentional. The more I imagine it, the more it feels like an act of self love through submission, rooted, mindful, and entirely mine.

As I sit here, my heart a little fluttery with excitement, I’ve started to lovingly ponder what I might place on my altar. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm and centered. So far, these are the pieces that are calling to me.

I imagine beginning with a small purple cloth, the exact shade that represents the House of Koch, laying the foundation for everything else. Resting on it would be my very first collar, the one my Master Damon gave me, now retired, but still so full of meaning and memory. Alongside it, my wolf tag with my name on it. It once hung from my collar, but after it was removed, it became something just for me, something deeply personal.

I would add the candle I had when I first met my Master Calvin, its presence reminding me of beginnings and the feelings that stirred in me then. I’d like to place a framed copy of my slave papers there as well, honoring my identity and the path I walk. Perhaps a few crystals, chosen intuitively, and a vase of flowers, or maybe even a small plant, something I can nurture, the way I nurture my submission itself.

I love the idea of keeping my small recording device there too, so I can softly speak my thoughts when they arise and later give them form in words. Maybe my favorite Gorean novel would rest nearby, or a small card with my favorite submissive quotes, something to read when I need grounding or inspiration. Of course, there would be a picture of my Masters, watching over the space, and finally, a small piece of leather, simple, symbolic, and deeply comforting.

Even imagining it all together makes me feel more rooted, more present, and quietly happy in my submission.

So what would you add to your altar? Let me know in the comments!

I Need People to Stop Pretending It Is

I want to talk about something that gets constantly misunderstood in power exchange dynamics, especially by people who claim authority but avoid responsibility. **Discipline is not the same as funishment. **They are not equal. They are not interchangeable. And they do not create the same reactions in my body or my mind.

When I am given impact as discipline, it carries meaning far beyond sensation. It comes with the very real knowledge that I have seriously misstepped. That I have displeased my Masters. That I failed to meet the expectations I knowingly agreed to when I entered this dynamic. That weight matters. It humbles me. It grounds me. It reinforces my place. And most importantly, it holds me accountable.

Funishment, on the other hand, can exist for many different reasons. It can be playful. It can be corrective lite. It can be teasing, erotic, or motivational. It does not carry the same emotional gravity or internal reckoning. And that’s okay, because it serves a different purpose. What is not okay is, when a Dominant or Master says they refuse to spank or give impact discipline because I enjoy kinky things, or because I am a masochist.

In my opinion, that mindset is irresponsible, and yes, abusive!

Enjoying sensation does not magically remove the corrective power of discipline. Context matters. Intent matters. Tone matters. Authority matters. Discipline is not defined by whether I can enjoy pain, it is defined by why it is being given and what it is meant to correct. Using “you’d enjoy it” as an excuse to avoid discipline is, quite frankly, lazy. And in my experience, it often comes paired with something worse.

Ignoring!

I want to be clear here: there is a healthy way to create space. Being told to remove myself until my behavior is corrected, or until I can speak with respect, is valid. That is structured. That is communicated. That is still leadership. But flat out ignoring me? No response to texts. No emails. No calls. No eye contact. No conversation face to face. That is not discipline. That is not correction. That is emotional withdrawal.

And that is not healthy, it is abusive.

Discipline reinforces my dynamic. It reminds me of my place. It tells me that my actions matter enough to be addressed directly. It shows me that my Masters are willing to do the work of leadership, even when it’s uncomfortable. It shows me that I am seen. When someone tells me they won’t discipline me because I enjoy kinky things, impact play, and that I am a masochist, what I actually hear is, *I don’t want to take responsibility. *And I’m done accepting that.

Dominance is responsibility. Authority is effort. Discipline is care, even when it doesn’t feel good. So no, discipline and funishment are not the same. And using that confusion as an excuse to disengage is not protecting me. It is failing me. Bottom line: refusing to spank me or give appropriate punishment because I might enjoy sensation is lazy and abusive. So please, stop doing it.

Today, while I was playing a video game with a dear friend of mine, our conversation drifted into something heavier. She was sharing about a few men who had been messaging her, hoping to get to know her, maybe find something deeper, possibly even a dynamic. One of those conversations took a turn that made my stomach drop.

This man admitted that his last submissive ghosted him. As he explained further, he casually mentioned that she had been married and that her husband had no idea she was involved in a power exchange.

Honestly? That alone told me everything I needed to know about why he was likely ghosted.

But my friend didn’t stop there. She asked if he knew the woman was married at the time. He said yes. She then asked why he was okay engaging with her, knowing she was lying to her partner. His response was that it wasn’t his responsibility as a man to make sure a husband wasn’t being cheated on.

And just… ew.

That response made my skin crawl. What bothers me most isn’t just that this behavior exists, it is that it is often brushed off, excused, or even normalized in kink spaces. I know there are people who claim that cheating is their kink. I will die on this hill when I say this clearly and loudly, cheating on your partner is not a kink. It never has been and never will be. Violating someone’s Consent is not erotic. It is not edgy. It is not part of ethical non-monogamy.

It is harm.

I cannot be around people who lack integrity, honor, and honesty. I cannot build friendships, let alone dynamics or play, with people who are unwilling to live authentically and ethically. Cheating is not a neutral act. It causes long term damage, trust issues, self worth wounds, lingering doubt, and pretending otherwise is willful ignorance.

And here’s the part that disturbs me even more, anyone who knowingly accepts a partner who is already lying to someone else is showing me exactly how unsafe they are. If you are willing to participate in deception, you are not trustworthy. Full stop. If you will betray someone who shares a life with you, you will betray me too. I am not interested in relationships, friendships or power exchanges built on rot.

These are my values. These are my boundaries. You are free to live however you choose, but live it far away from me. If you choose to cheat, to deceive, to cause harm and call it kink, you have already disqualified yourself from my circle, my trust, and my respect.

Dominance, Submission, power exchange, and kink demand more integrity, not less. They demand accountability, consent, and honor. Anything else is cowardice dressed up.

And I will never kneel at the feet of dishonor.

A Conversation Worth Having

A few weeks ago, a friend and I were talking about something we saw on a BDSM/kink forum. An 18 year old had joined and posted an introduction listing practically every kink and fetish from A–Z.

At first, my reaction was simply, “Everyone starts somewhere.” New people are allowed to be excited, curious, and unsure. That’s part of the journey.

But both of us still felt a tug of concern. At that age, most people haven’t had the time or experience to research all those areas, let alone understand the safety, consent education, or nuance behind them. Frenzy is a real thing as well.

Then we saw the replies.

Not from peers close to her age, but from men 30, 40, even 50 years older, immediately flirting, trying to “guide” her, or pulling for her attention. Instant red flags. Instant predatory energy.

And let me be clear: I am not shaming age gaps. Preferences exist on all sides. Consensual relationships with age differences can absolutely be healthy.

But what raised concern was the pattern something many of us have seen too often. When I came into the lifestyle at 19, the men interested in me were rarely my age. And I didn’t know better yet. Looking back, I wish I’d had someone to teach me safely, to protect me, and to tell me what red flags I wasn’t old enough to recognize.

A quote I once heard in a class came back to me,

“My existence does not represent a hardship for you.” - Miki_Rei*

That young woman’s presence doesn’t harm me. She isn’t a problem. She isn’t disrupting my kink life or my dynamics. Getting angry at her would be pointless, and honestly unwarranted.

The real issue is the people who wait for newcomers because they know the newcomers don’t yet understand vetting, negotiation, boundaries, informed consent, or what ethical power exchange requires.

And realistically, many brand new 18–19 year olds don’t know those things yet.

That’s exactly why predators target them.

These individuals swoop in under the guise of “teaching” or “guiding,” but the majority are not acting in good faith. Many are manipulative, coercive, or outright abusive. I’m not speaking in generalities, I’m speaking from personal experience. Before meeting my Master Damon, I had more encounters like this than I want to admit, and yes, I fell for a few.

One so bad it left me in debt. The other so bad it left me ina coma for three weeks.

Now, let me also say this, I love men. I love men who are ethical, honorable, grounded, and capable of the dark and delicious intensity that kink can offer. The surrender to such men is intoxicating.

But anyone, man or woman, who uses kink as a hunting ground for inexperienced people is a danger to our community.

And it is not just male Dominants. I’ve seen experienced submissive women manipulate new, eager men who want to learn how to be Dominants. I’ve watched subs play emotional or sexual games with them, use them, then leave them confused or damaged.

For people like this, it is almost a sport,
“Take what I want, ruin fast, vanish clean.”

And yes, that does create hardship for the rest of us.

We’re trying to build a community where kink is understood as consensual, ethical, and empowering. A place where we can be ourselves without being labeled abusive, dangerous, or deviant. A place where we teach the world that BDSM isn’t coercion, it is enthusiastic, informed consent. We cannot build that while allowing this behavior to thrive in the shadows.

It is no surprise communities gatekeep. It is no surprise play parties are intensely vetted. It is no surprise mistakes that should be teachable moments become exile level rumors. People are scared. And they have reason to be.

What we truly need is accountability and community support:
Dominants checking other Dominants when they misuse power
Submissives checking other submissives who manipulate new partners
Doms supporting Doms

Subs supporting subs
Peer groups that uplift, teach, and protect rather than tear down
Mentorship built on ethics, not ego
Preferences aren’t the problem. Age gaps aren’t the problem.
Newcomers aren’t the problem.

Choosing someone because they lack knowledge and are easier to manipulate is not a preference.

It is abuse. And that IS the problem!

I’m absolutely thrilled about how amazing our Subby Hotline turnout was tonight! We made so many new friends and had such a rich, heartfelt conversation. Tonight’s topic was *Staying in Your Submissive Headspace* and exploring ways our Dominants can support us in that space. The perspectives and ideas shared were incredible.

Huge love and gratitude to my two besties, Cyn and Tova, for helping make it all happen and to everyone who showed up and contributed. I adore you all so much.