I ask for help but then he doesn't do it up to my expectations.
The 2 Be Better podcast served as the inspiration for this writing. A listener asked a question that touched on something I often go through, and it was a major eye opener for me. It is a lesson I'm only now beginning to realize I need to stop repeating.
I want to share that I can sometimes become triggered when things don't meet my expectations. This is due to my experiences growing up in a severely abusive household. My father, a Marine, held extremely high standards for cleanliness and would often use a white glove to check everything, demanding perfection. If things weren’t up to his standards, other people in our home would face consequences. My mother, struggling with depression and mental illness, couldn’t help, so the burden of cleaning and maintaining order fell solely on me. While I recognize that the way my parents treated me was wrong, it is something I've had to cope with as a child, and it has affected how I react to certain situations today.
In the intricate dance of human relationships, I often find myself teetering on a precarious line. One that oscillates between my need for control and the importance of accepting others' unique approaches. I have a tendency to ask for help, hoping that others will fulfill my expectations. However, I frequently find that the outcome is not quite what I envisioned. It is a reality that often leaves me feeling frustrated, but upon reflection, I realize this is a common theme in many of my interactions.
The root of my struggle can be traced back to emotional triggers from past trauma. These experiences have shaped my desire for things to be a certain way. I carry with me the belief that if something isn't done "my way," it is somehow lesser. This mindset not only affects my relationships but also creates unnecessary stress for both myself and those around me.
What I am learning, however, is that everyone has their unique way of doing things. I must remind myself that just because a friend or family member approaches a task differently doesn’t mean it is wrong. It is simply their way. Accepting this truth is the first step in alleviating the frustration that often arises when my expectations aren’t met.
Communication is critical in these scenarios. It is essential for me to express my preferences openly and honestly. I’ve come to understand that I need to articulate what I would like done and how I envision it. By doing so, I am setting clear expectations that can help bridge the gap between my desires and others’ interpretations. However, I must also acknowledge that not everyone is willing or able to meet those expectations, and that, too, is perfectly okay.
This duality, expressing my needs while allowing others their autonomy, can be challenging. Sometimes, I feel guilty for wanting things done a specific way, as if I am imposing my will on those who are simply trying to help. Yet, recognizing that my preferences come from a place of past experiences allows me to approach the situation with empathy toward myself and those around me.
Learning to be flexible is key. There will be times when others may choose not to fulfill my requests according to my specifications. In these moments, I must practice acceptance. Accepting that their way is valid, even if it is not aligned with my own, is a formative part of personal growth. It is a lesson in letting go. Not just of my expectations, but also of the need to control every outcome.
At the end of the day, I strive to create an environment where communication flourishes and understanding reigns supreme. By voicing my needs while honoring the individuality of others, I can cultivate more harmonious relationships. It is a work in progress though, and a journey that requires patience. Embracing our differences can lead to richer connections, where we can learn from one another in ways that enrich our lives.