“Her shadows are where the magic is. And a Dom who can stand in that darkness with her? That’s the one she’ll follow across oceans of time.” – (I do not recall who said this)
That quote hit me in the gut the first time I read it. It wasn't just beautiful. It was truth, my truth. The kind of truth that doesn't whisper, but roars quietly from deep within, like something ancient that has always existed in the marrow of my bones.
I live in the darker side of things. Always have. I'm not talking about depression or despair, though I've known those intimately too. I mean the shadow self, the part of me that finds fascination in the forbidden, that craves the edge of things. Where desire is tangled with danger, fear, and submission isn't always sweet, but sometimes sharp and savage. That part of me doesn’t ask for understanding. It simply is.
For a long time, I questioned that part of me. I worried about it. Was I broken? Twisted? Did wanting these things mean something was wrong with me?
But here’s what I’ve come to realize, my desires aren’t bad. Who I am is not bad. The fantasies I have, the ones that some would call dark, depraved, or disturbing, are just fantasies, and when shared with a willing, consenting partner who understands the power and poetry behind them, they become something sacred.
I crave what others would call toxic. I say that unapologetically. Give me that Harley Quinn and Joker type of love, the all consuming, mad devotion that dances on the line of obsession and worship. Give me the fantasy where I’m abducted, chained in the basement, lovingly brainwashed into belonging, where I ache for the person who has completely rewritten the language of my body and mind. Let me be the one who is reformed by their hands, bent to their will, molded not because I’m weak, but because I choose to surrender.
Some would say that’s a red flag. But for me, it is the red thread, the one that binds me to a kind of connection I don't find in the light. My monsters wear their humanity like a second skin, and I long to be undone by their sharp edges. Give me Myers. Ghost Face. The seductive brutality of someone who wants to break me not to destroy me, but to rebuild me as theirs.
The demons in my head? They’re not monsters to be exorcised. They’re mine. Sometimes I dwell there, sometimes I need to. It is not dark to me. It is home. And to have someone walk into that space, not afraid, not judging, but understanding? That’s the rarest kind of intimacy I’ve ever known.
To sit quietly beside me in the dark and say, “I see you. I know you. And I’m not leaving,” that’s everything. That’s not fear. That’s love. That’s devotion. And when I find that person, the one who doesn’t flinch at the shadows but embraces them, that’s the person I will follow. Across oceans. Across time. Through fire, madness, and storm.
That kind of loyalty isn’t given easily. It is earned in blood and bond and silence shared in the pitch black. That’s the kind of Dominant who will find me on my knees, not because they demanded it, but because they deserve it.
Not everyone will understand that. And that’s okay. My dynamic isn’t meant for the world’s approval. It is meant for the ones whose soul mirrors mine, who isn’t afraid to lose themselves just a little in order to meet me exactly where I am.
To sit with me in my darkness is to walk closer to death, and trust me to keep you from falling in. That’s the bond I seek. That’s the fire I burn for. And I will burn. Beautifully. Willingly. Endlessly.
And that’s why I say this with absolute certainty, you will never destroy what I have. I am Theirs, completely, totally, unapologetically. There is no force on this earth that can take that from me. No one can steal me away, no one can sever this bond, because They are the ones who sits with me in my shadows. They walk beside me at the edge of the abyss, staring down death and madness with me day after day, and still, They choose to love me. Not in spite of it, but because of it. That kind of connection is unshakable. That kind of love is war forged. And it is mine. It is ours. Unbreakable. Unstolen. Undeniable.