I am attending a Disabled and Kinky class on Sunday and I could not be more excited. My Doms are both going to attend it as well. I think it is important because honestly there really is not a ton of information out there, or hell even creative ways to Kink with people who have disabilities.
It has been really difficult being blind, I cannot do normal everyday chores the way I used to. It has been more difficult doing those things or even having the confidence to try because people, (NOT my Doms) have discouraged me. Saying things like I am not capable, or when i try to clean its...You missed a spot, etc. So after that, why would I want to?
Let alone I broke my back about 9 years ago at work. Years before that I broke my knee dancing, so kneeling, dancing things like that are extremely painful. With my back being broken, walking for long periods of time, kneeling in different positions for long periods of time, or even just driving in a car for an hour can sometimes have me down and out of the game for days at a time.
So my Doms are having to get really creative. Especially since my brain gets bored so easily.
So yes I am a disabled blind kinnky ass submissive that has issues doing things but hell I am capable of trying and if I fail, I fail. Being a service submissive with a perfectionist trauma response, failing is so damn hard.
Now despite ALL of my issues. My Dominants have their own issues as well. Everyone has them. it is inevitable. Someone has something wrong with them whether they want to admit it or not. No one is perfect.
My Dominants do not get enough credit for being the people they are. Hell I am guilty of whining, complaining, throwing a tantrum here and there, or accusing them of not trying hard enough when i feel that they arent.
Sometimes I too need a taste of humble pie.
Which I got yesterday when I read an old writing of mine.
One of my Master's is having health issues but he is still going to work every single day to provide. He comes home to spend time with us. He still smiles at me, talks to me, does some chores that I just cannot do. He makes time to devote to assisting me with things. He is also an artist, so when i need new things for my twitch, he makes them, etc. He hardly ever has time for just himself, though I do my best to give him time. He is in the middle of writing a fictional novel so I encourage that greatly. He is Daddy when Need snuggies, cartoons and my sippy cup even when he has no strength to do it.
My other Dominant has a migraine condition and despite all of his constant headaches, which I am sure I add to. He still maintains a massive Dominant presence every day. He is my main caregiver. He is a chef at home. He is Mr Big when my Daddy is not here. He puts bandaids on me when needed. He helps bathe me when i just cannot do it. He does so much and dealing with his own damn stresses, pain, and family stuff, on top of my issues, and family stuff. I do not know how these two handle life, and also being my Doms.
Like I said, they dont get enough credit, and I feel I just do not ever show enough appreciation for them.
I have realized that for months now I have been stuck in this selfish phase of me, me, me. What I am going through. The stress I am under. The betrayal I feel from people. How I am coping. It has been hard realizing I have been doing this. It is even harder holding myself accountable.
Which I hate doing, but I have to do it.
I am going to start taking a better step forward. I may not see all that they are doing when I cannot see them in the five percent of vision I have left, but I am going to remember that just because I cannot physically see it, does not mean they arent doing anything.
I am going to communicate with them better how I am feeling in the moment. Not sit here like I usually do and let things fester. I am far more mature than that. I can voice my insecurities in the moment. I can do my best to discuss a trauma response. I can do my best to minimalize the things that trigger me. I can very well apologize for any bad behavior I might display, and beg for forgiveness when I have done wrong.
I am humble and honest enough to admit that I have not lately appreciated my Dominants as much as I should have. I can begin again and make steps to show them more how I appreciate them. How I love them. How I need to serve and please them. The fact that I know deep down they are doing their best with the tools they have. That my Masters are enough for me.
So my suggestion to the submissives out there. Take a moment to look at your Dominant. Really look at them. Appreciate them for the people they are outside of your dynamic. Appreciate everything they do for you. Just remember that you might not know or see everything they are doing for you. Know they are just people. They are doing their best, just as you are.
and to my Masters. I love you both so much. I am so grateful for all you both do for me. I know it is not easy or simple. You both are the strength and very air I breathe. I will do my best to never take you both for granted.
