When are you most aware of being an owned submissive?
So there are so many instances where this feeling and awareness comes into play. It happens ALL the time. Naturally it is ALWAYS when my Masters get that very masculine stern tone. I am certain that the majority of submissives get that feeling when their owners do that.
However what I want to talk about is the moment that happened to me today. I have so many rules to follow and I love each and every moment of them. I am only allowed to eat what my Masters approve of. I have to be grateful for the food they give me.
On top of it I have to ask to eat my food when it is given to me. I have ways to ask in different settings. So yes even a way to do so in a vanilla setting that no one will ever recognize or know about. If I am not having a salad before my entree then I must also wait for them to take the first bite.
However I do not think anyone knows the struggle for me personally and my Masters having to have a slave who suffers with ARFID. Let me just tell you what that is like for me.
If the food smells bad...Nope
If the food is the wrong color...Nope
If the food touches each other...Nope
If the food tastes weird...Nope
If the food has an odd texture...Nope
I never feel hungry
I forget to eat all together
Don't ask me what I want...I dont want to eat.
The list goes on and on and let me tell you it is the most frustrating. Sometimes trying to get me to eat ends up with me sitting here frustrated and crying because I physically get sick. If I put something into my mouth that is bothered by one of the mentioned things at the top my body tells me spit it out or you will be forced to vomit.
I know it is really frustrating to my Masters. Not that this happens. They are so caring and understanding. I know they have told me the get frustrated only because they want to fix it for me and they just cant. I love them so much and I know it is not their fault.
There are moments I go through eating the same things over and over again for months at a time. Then I get so sick of it I cannot have it ever again, A year and half of French Toast with Yogurt and Fresh Fruit for breakfast. Now those fruits taste like dirt to me and the bread if far far far too sweet and weird tasting to the point I cannot even eat a sandwich.
So that leads me to today. The awareness that I am an owned submissive.
After my morning routine was started. It was time for breakfast. I was waiting for the typical conversation of what might sound interesting enough for me to eat. Nope, not today. Today I was handed a bowl of life cereal. I smiled and asked permission to eat it. I was able to eat it and this time I was able to even drink the small bit of left over milk which normally I cant.
It sparked such a happy feeling in the pit of my slave belly. The fire burned a bit brighter today and I was grateful and appreciative. It makes it so much easier sometimes to actually eat when the choice is taken away from me. Though that doesnt work ALL of the time.
I felt taken care of, loved, cherished and fully owned. My Master didnt even voice a command. He handed me the bowl in a silent order that I was to eat it. Taking that control from me as I have begged them to do makes not only my eating disorder so much easier to handle, but it grounds me even more. Sets my day up to be full of gooey emotions and feelings.
In a way I feel how he handled this morning was a reward to me. Odd as that sounds.
I dont know most might think I am silly for feeling this way but I do not care. My journey is my own and this small thing he did has lit my submissive heart on fire and has made my day warmer and now I know ALL day I will feel so loved, safe, protected, cherished and fully owned.
I love my Masters so much. Thank you for doing the one thing I asked so much for. Thank you for taking the control.