I read something about a week ago that broke my heart. It was a writing by a female dominant who was basically fed up and putting her crown away because she is just not every submissive's cup of tea.
This got me to thinking, naturally because that is what a ton of you on here make me do. I realized I had been guilty of things in the past with my masters. To which after I processed things and my own thoughts and feelings I did apologize to them and give them praise for doing all the good things.
You see in the past when I wasn't communicating correctly when I wanted and needed more S&M things I kept saying you aren't doing the "Dom Thing." Like what?
WTF is even the "Dom Thing?"
For me it was scenes, impact play, sadistic play time, me getting my masochistic needs met. However after reading what SelfPortraitist wrote she made me see things from a completely different light.
My masters were of course doing the "Dom Thing." They had given me rules. They have been guiding me as I need it. They have been a leading presence in my life. They have been running their house. They are on top of all the things.
What is not that "Dom Thing?" At least to me in my new found insight? Beating my ass for one. Forcing me to scrub the kitchen floor with a toothbrush as they shout at me degrading humiliating things. Giving me a million orgasms only after denying them to me for hours at a time. Are these what really make a dominant?
Of course not. Dominants come in all shapes and sized, sexual and nonsexual. Some aren't even sadists.
This reminded me of course of when Damon and I first go together. He was to be my master without any sexual side of things. I was just to be a service submissive. Naturally feelings changed. We grew so fast into loving each other that we had to rethink and agree to a new dynamic that was indeed more romantic, sexual and service oriented.
Still at the beginning he was not less of a master to me. I was happy to just be his service submissive. The lack of S&M and romance did not make me see him any different. Over time things evolved and changed so I had to sit here after reading that and realizing that I was in fact looking at the relationship/dynamic completely wrong.
So now I am understanding that when I was thinking Dom Things, what I was thinking was S&M. What I was thinking was more sex, and sadism. Does the lack of that in my life make them any less dominant? Absolutely not. So I definitely owed them a massive apology.
Honestly I did not even realize I was communicating incorrectly but that is not even an excuse. My lack of proper communication for the longest time destroyed their confidence. I can only do my best from here on out to communicate even more correctly and learn to praise and lift them up even higher. These two men are so wonderfully amazing they never deserve to feel any less of who they really are.
So true is what I am saying that even SelfPortraitist needs to know that she is not deserving of said treatment. It is not her fault that submissives are not communicating their needs correctly. Please hold your head up high. You submissive is out there searching for you just as much as you are for them.
You may not be interested in a ton of S&M, Sadism, Degradation, Humiliation, etc. It does not make you any less of a dominant. Please everyone always remember that you do not have to change yourself to fit into some stupid little box. Stand up and shine exactly the way you are. Someone out there will love you for just being who you really are!!!
