Don’t be Afraid to be Brave
"The bliss of surrender in slavery is a wondrous thing- a rare and treasured delight not savored by many. To achieve it, we must approach the temple wherein it awaits those who have prepared themselves for the journey in the spirit of adventure, reverence and courage. Know this: slavery requires bravery. If you’re not courageous enough to make yourself take risks, then I suggest that you go out and insert yourself into programs designed to help you find your own bravery within yourself. If you are too frightened to proceed toward the realization of your slave passion, then the acquisition of this courage must be the first par of your preparation for the journey into submission." (Slavecraft essay 2) by Guy Baldwin;
We have just redefined our entire dynamic and TPE. It does feel refreshing to me to have it all written down and set in stone with my new expectations and rules and what control and how much my masters have. We decided for the TPE and with that Total was focused on the most.
However I do have fears still in regards to our dynamic. That maybe my masters will not remain consistent. That I wont be able to succeed with giving over the control to them. I wont succeed in obeying my new rules and will fail of course in the future. I have already come close once.
I dont want to feel like I am falling backwards in my submission and I definitely want to ignore the old patterns that seemed to be issues in our dynamic. So far I havent seen any and that thus far has been a complete breath of fresh air. The funny thing is, I have been in this lifestyle since 2003 and over and over again I have taken risks and never really been afraid.
Now I have that fear of failure looming over my head.
I am sure at some point every submissive has felt this way. Fear of being hurt. Fear of failing. Fear of losing themself completely. The fear of giving up completely. In fact I have thought about it recently. Before we redefined our TPE I was angry. So much anger and nothing made it go away or feel better. To the extent that someone messaged me and actually said maybe I need to top someone and do impact play etc. Even if I did I would not do that out of anger. That isnt safe. I dont have to be a dom to know that.
I did give it much thought, considering if maybe I was a switch and needed a submissive/bottom of my own. That stopped because absolutely not. Not that I lack the skill. I honestly think if I chose to be a dom I would be amazing at it. I just have no desire to do it. It would not make me happy. So that thought went right out the window. One less fear I had to deal with.
Still the normal ones always loom ahead of me. Am I enough? Do I even have a purpose? Those are two I struggle with on a daily basis. Being a submissive who is disabled and blind makes serving extremely difficult. Though I know my masters tell me over and over again they love me and I do have a purpose. For me to feel it, is a different story. Which is something I dont always feel.
Still I know they are just fears. They are thoughts that dont matter and feelings that dont make things true or accurate. Just simple small insecurities that are constantly there and I can just tell them to shut up, or better yet my masters reassure me so much they shut them up. Which is even better.
I know that nothing in life that is worth a damn isnt worth it without taking risks. It is why I continue to gete up everyday and put my best pleasing foot forward and do my best to be the obedient and pleasing slave girl I so long and love to be. If I listened to these insedcurities, these little whispering fears then I would never be a submissive. I would never be true to my heart and I certainly wouldnt be with my masters.
If all of that happened I would never be happy. So I will choose to push through all the crap and do my best to ignore the little whispers and try to remain focused on my masters, our dynamic and just being happy with who I am, and as I am.
So my advice to all new submissives. You are going to be agraid but if you can battle and fight through the bullshit of your insecurities and learn to take a leap of faith in taking a risk to educate yourselves, find adom and submit, then you will know what happiness there is in living your truth, and choosing to seek happiness and peace within your own submission.
Take a leap!!!