I went to the class:
Bound To Match - Introduction To Finding Your Perfect Match Within the LGBTQIA+ Focused Community - Presented by my dear friend Kai
It was a very well put together workshop that she did about how to present yourself online and finding a good match in the romantic world and the world of BDSM. One thing I really liked is how Kai spoke about needing to list your intention on your profile. It needs to be clear.
"Intention Should Reflect Your Purpose." - Kai
I agree with her there. Your intention should reflect what it is you are truly wanting, looking for, needing, and then it should share the expectations of what you expect in return to fully experience happiness in these dynamics and relationships. Honestly I think she is spot on there. Regardless of the people who lack any social etiquette, the people who are genuine will read your entire profile. So having that information is pertinent to them contacting you.
One thing I do feel she could have touched based on and she might in the future since she will be having more of these workshops, so I might be jumping the gun here, but some good advice for profiles as well is to make your profile a postive read. You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Kai did speak about how you should make your profile reflect who you are as a person. Giving them a glimpse to your personality. You want people to be attracted to how lovely of a person you truly are. So it is always good to have some good information about yourself as well. Though it is not necessary to give into novel long descriptions of yourself, but short and sweet clear cut information is a good place to start. Plus as Kai said, as you grow as a person, your profile will change over time. Which leads us to the next topic as well. This is one that is very dear to my heart.
BE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE!!!
This means that how your profile looks, what it says. How you speak in groups on any social media platform. The messages you send people, DMs, instant messaging on apps, should ALL reflect who you actually are in real life, in person face to face. I for one do NOT appreciate a catfish.
For me one of my biggest peeve is a fake person. I understand you enjoy portraying this person that you feel like you COULD be, or you WANT to be. Instead own who you are right now. No one in this world is perfect. We are all on different levels of our journeys. If you do not just own your truth, and hold yourself accountable for your faults and you are constantly showing that your word does not match your actions, then in my opinion you have no business being here, or being my friend.
That is my opinion NOW. We all know back in the day I was a little shit. I was that person. I used to be fake. I used to put on my best submissive behavior in front of people, online where it was safe. I had NO consequences behind a computer screen. You know where that left me?
Fucking Lonely!!!
No one wants someone who lies. No one wants someone who is a complete phony. Eventually your lack of honesty will come forward. Eventually you will lose good people who truly care for you because they will get tired of you not keeping your word. They will get tired of your lack of maturity. They will tire of you making them look bad in public becuase you cannot compete with your own damn words.
For example: I can roleplay a pretty slave girl. I may not be a Nobel prize winner with my writing. I do not publish books. However I believe my writing is decent enough. I am a great role-player. When I roleplay as a slave and we get to a part where I have to beg. I can roleplay beg and type all the nasty, humiliating, humbling words.
On the flip side face to face. I have the hardest time forming a complete sentence other than please let me, or please my master. It is not something I am very skilled in. I often over think things. I am so embarrassed and I never know what they are looking for in my words so I tend to stutter and feel so ignorant that I just feel like my brain stops working.
The difference here for me is that I OWN that lack of skill. I inform my partners I am willing to beg. I am willing to be trained how to beg. I am honest. I let them know that I personally feel like I suck. I tell them how I fail, how I overthink, how I feel so damn stupid. I never used to tell people that way. I would just shut down.
Moral of the entire story and writing here is just be who you are. In all of your strange quirky goodness. The people who dont like you or respect you for it dont matter. Those are not the people you want to have in your life anyways. The people who will accept you for who you are in all your messy honesty are the good ones. Those are the people who will be your ride or dies. I ramble so much and maybe I got lost in this writing, I do not know. Just love yourself more than other people. Fuck the ones who want to hate you for being authentic.
Also to Kai, So proud of you for hosting this. I know how stressful it can be to stand up before a bunch of people, in person and online and present a topic/class/workshop. Not everyone will ever fully agree with you and some might walk away having learned nothing. Do not ever let any of the negativity stop you from this amazing journey of teaching. You have done well with your first one and I know you will do even better t at the next one and eventually this will come so naturally that you will be a strong force out there with everyone gazing at you in wonder for your wisdom to be taught to them! Thank you for your time and energy here. It was well worth it.