Dumpless Flights.

I have been thinking again, 

I know, scary beans. Bunny is generating thoughts; someone needs to stop her. 

But, these ones are teaching me lessons. 

I first started this blog because I was angry, and I was hurting, I was alone, afraid, yada yada yada…. 

However, I have always  loved writing. I am a very emotional and expressive person. One of the reasons why I love BDSM so much is because of these traits. 

I’m not patient, I take what I want when I want it, If I don’t like how something is done I say it, if I feel like I have been wronged I yell it out- how ever, I also struggle to see my own actions and because of this, I really struggle with guilt. 

This year, I was diagnosed autism and a brain malformation disorder. It has taken a lot of internal and external processing and I can certainly say, that still in this moment I feel weak.

I continuously feel these big and weird feelings day to day and a lot of times it is hard to process leading to grumpy bunny syndrome once again. 

Recently, I can say it has led to the loss of a relationship I thought I was going to have forever and one that was just blooming. 

The first I have been blocking out but the second, very hard to process. I wouldn’t say I am angry, in fact now that I have spoken, I don’t think I was in the beginning either. I think I was scared and hurt, but I digress…. 

Anyways, I’ve talked about it in therapy. I struggle with understanding empathy and emotions, actions, reactions, attachments… you know, the usual. 

It’s just, an adjustment I guess. 

But, I’m off to take a soak, my back is killing me :(

-bunny 

Remember when I said I had the best night ever? 
well scratch that shit, I forgot about the goddamned full moon. It was a fucking placebo. 

who knows a good chiropractor, 

or has good hands? 
fuckit, WHO IS BOTH. 

I don’t get paid enough for this shit. 
And I’m missing the one person who could fix this. 

sincerely, a very grumpy and very very stiff bunny. 

Hey y’all, 

I still have my zoomies so I just though I’d start a little conversation. 

I am finally back to working my normal shifts after completing one of the hardest semesters in school imaginable. 

It’s not that the content was hard, the universe is just an asshole and I, am hard headed. Yes, I can admit that I am a hard headed bun with a soft bottom; but I digress… 

anywho, I’m currently working a N12 (or Night 12 hours) and boy, it’s a shit show… b u t  I LOVE IT. 

Six patients, two isolations, one jumper, and three goofballs. I’m in absolute zoomie bunny heaven. 

anywhoooo 

I hope my silliness is contagious <3 

-bun 

Sometimes I get these random bursts of energy- 

I call them my zoomies. 

I get really excited and playful and all I want to do is bounce around and suck up all the attention I can gather. 

Or spankins. Spankins are nice too ;). 

Like yesterday, 

Although I am still alone right now, I zigzag from corner to corner wreaking imaginary havoc. 

However. I took out my zoomies on a spiced pound cake and HOMEMADE, none of that jar crap, chicken Alfredo. No garlic bread though. I didn’t have enough time to pick up a loaf from the bakery.

It was a bittersweet moment me thinks. 

Anyways. Just a small update from bunny <3

It’s weird. 

I woke up smiling today. 
And my head, it’s kind of clear; though- my ears are ringing. Not chimes and bells, just silent waves of sound moving in and out. Maybe it’s an ear infection. 

The moment I rolled over, here comes my kitty. I swore he was smiling at me. 
“Good mornin Mama! Are you Gettin up Now!” 

It’s just strange, 

maybe something good will happen today. 

The room is quiet now,

its walls thick with the weight of what has been done.

The air presses heavy, like the earth itself

has paused to listen.

Your hands tremble,

but no one reaches to steady them.

The words you've avoided for so long

hang in the stillness,

not as accusations,

but as truths too old to deny.

Time moves in circles,

slow and deliberate,

until it catches up with you—

not in a rush,

but in the certainty

of every step you took without thinking.

The silence speaks louder

than any outburst could,

and in its shadow,

you see the faces you've ignored,

the voices you've silenced,

the damage you've hidden behind excuses.

There is no escape,

no words to undo what has been broken,

only the cold, unyielding presence

of what must now be faced.

And in that moment,

you understand—

the only way forward

is through the weight

of your own reflection.
?

I swallow in silence,

It clings to me,

Every word I didn't say, but still; pieces lay. Disregarded.

It’s like trying to breathe through the broken glass: the Sharp edges in my chest.

And I scream but it won’t come.

I am swallowed whole by sound,

And I am tangled in the sharpest of things,

But they still latch on, like parasites.

It’s suffocating;

I held you in the silence: stuck beneath my skin. And the smiles I gave you I carved into my lips.

I'm bleeding in the corners, can you see it?

But I wash it down.

One day at a time.

Like a jagged. Little. Pill.

I always said that if I could go anywhere, it had to be a place with an ocean. 

Not only because I love the way my ass looks in a bikini- 

but because a small part of me hopes that maybe, I will drown. 

Death is inevitable. And I swear to you I'm not crazy, I don't crave death. I don't crave the attention that comes after you die either- I crave the closeness of water. 

Waves engulf you. They beat you and choke you. They drag you in, close and tight caressing you; kissing every inch of your skin- ripping at your suit pulling your hair snatching every ounce of oxygen you have left just to throw you back to land again. 

Sound Familiar? 

It’s cold outside. And I don’t like it. It makes me feel like I’m not real- like how the wind stabs right through me. With every step I take I feel like I need to grasp my ribcage just to hold it together. I hate the way my feet sound when I walk too. My steps feel mismatched, like they can’t catch up with each other. Loud and obnoxious- just like my breathing and my heart beat- just like the hundreds of other people I pass on a day to day; slap slap slap on the concrete as I hastily make it to nowhere watching my feet cross the lines of sidewalk. I count them, one two three four Oops; I missed one I have to start over now. One, two, three, four, fiv- something hit my hand. Hard. I look up cursing at the sky seeing an orange pine tree swaying angrily in the wind. Throwing baby pine cones at passersby and subsequently, my hand. I stop. Standing on the line of the sidewalk- but not too forward because that will break the balance of the line. One side can’t be too long but the other can’t be too short. It has to be even on either side. Perfect, like this tree. He stands tall branches waving and squeaking in the wind. Dropping frilly leaves and circular cones like bombs as another bounces off my wrist, in the same spot, like he’s taunting me. He is taunting me. I imagine a face, maybe he’s old and knowledgeable with a white beard like a garden gnome. His voice is garbled and shrill but comforting. The corners of his mouth are stained with tobacco and he smells of smoke. I like it. The smell of cigarettes and tobacco in the cold. I walk closer to him, touching his bark and smelling it, wishing I could taste it. Why? 

Before I could even confirm, he told me. And you know, it’s funny- all I can do is laugh. I feel so ignorant, but free? I just wish I could have touched him. Do you think he would have smelled of smoke? What would he have tasted like, and his skin told many stories but his eyes always said something different. Maybe that’s it. My eyes said it all but his- they never seemed to say enough.

or maybe I’m just fucking crazy shit I don’t fucking know.

Sometimes I struggle with my job, not because I don’t love my patients, but because of the shit that brings my patients to me. 

Consequences are preventable, death is inevitable. 

Anyways, I’m not here to talk about that. 
I let my guts spill. 
SHOCKER!

I started this blog because I am an internalizer; and it’s literally starting to fucking kill me. So rather get a stomach ulcer, I’m going to spew so that maybe- someone who is similar, or is being put through the same situation but just doesn’t know it yet can run away screaming IM FREEEE. 

So, here is a little introduction- 

I am Bunny, I have one degree currently working on the other; I love wine, I hate beer. I am a sub with switch like tendencies but submission is where my heart is. I have written many books with some published works just for my own safe keeping. And I am here to talk for those who feel like they’re choking on their tongues just to get out a simple syllable. 

much love,

BabyGirl (Bunny)