A submissive's sanctuary

i was so generously gifted with a much needed session to clear my mind, free my soul and to reset.

i entrusted this Dominant to give me that release and i submitted without question.

As i prepared my mind for this new experience, i could feel my body begging and aching for the torment that was about to be inflicted.

The rack of the whip, the snap of the tail, the momentary loss of breath, the thud of a paddle and the burn that followed....such intensity that i have to say it was pure enjoyment and the freedom in pain that lasted for a few days which kept me in proper head space. His sweet words of reassurance and approval is just what this submissive needed.

What He didn't know was how lost she was before the session. How her heart was aching to serve and be the canvas for One's release.

The temporary connection between any Dominant and submissive is a beautiful sight to not only be felt but to be witnessed by all.

Thank You for the gift You have given this girl.

Let's be real for a minute. Submissives are beautiful gifts but w/e do have our faults/issues. My biggest issue is a state of constant want, need or arousal. my sex drive is very high for some unknown reason yet my Sir is very tolerance of this and me. I always question if this is "normal". w/e can all define normal in different ways or with different words that have different meanings. i have come to learn to embrace who i am and just to accept the consequences that come with that. i do realize that as hard as it may be to accept/comply at times, my body is my Sir's and He gets the ultimate say and control over what happens with it.

Fortunately, i have a Sir who has been very giving and generous regarding play and permissions to have an orgasm but not always without a lesson. After all, He knows best and He may not always be so generous.

So today was an off day for me. When i get "bored" i start to over think or i will write to avoid distractions. i woke up aroused and dripping between my legs. Not a great start to the day as i really desired to get off from the glorious mess that now created an intense heat. It was early and my only option was to get permission from my SIr but would He be up or even allow it for that matter. i was embarrassed at the fact that after a "free day" yesterday i would need to possibly grovel again for such pleasures right away. There is always the reality check that Sir could simply say "no".

While considering my request, Sir's wicked side came out and commanded that i tie my nipples up taut/tight. i did what Sir requested and my arousal intensified at this painful pleasure...but He knew that would happen. Sir knows just about everything. i then in the midst of my torment was required to kneel and think about my service to Him. After all, it is not about my own pleasures but my service to Sir and i needed to remember that. i use my coping skills while thinking of Sir and yet i was being distracted in the process from my wanton lust. i managed to regroup and refocus on Sir and what i can do for Him. That in itself brings me such joy. When finished i respectfully notify SIr. The phone rings...its Sir. This was totally unexpected. I thought, this cannot be good and i have a feeling i am in trouble.

i try to talk to Him...i find it almost impossible to even open my eyes or answer SIr. Through His devious laugh, He decides that the nipple torture was merely not enough and that i needed additional learning. He mentions Ben Wa Balls. i was instructed to use them for an hour and then i was able to have my release. Okay, i wasn't ready nor was i expecting that either. "Go about your business today", He says. Easier said then done i think. i shall keep my other thoughts to myself as i know they are not appropriate...SNS...yes Sir, i am laughing.

i was able to make it 19 minutes before my body reacted by intermittent quivering and a pleasure that was fairly foreign to me. Sir thinks they were mini orgasms possibly. With every move, a gentle rolling...continuous torment to Sirs already aching/needing pussy...a dripping mess. At this time, i was extremely grateful i was not in the presence of Sir. i am shy for one but i would not last long with the intense glare of my Sir and His cryptic, devious smile. i most likely would have done something i would have regretted...(perhaps the biggest transgression of all...to pleasure immaturely and without permission) but i didn't, i just thought it so hopefully all is okay. i did report to Sir in hopes that it wouldn't be taken as a transgression and i am grateful it was not.

i stopped everything to lay down. i needed to process what my body was going through. i went to brush the sting from my nipples only to set them on fire as i caressed them. Curiosity killed the cat and i decided to pull the strings harder sending me into a state of euphoria. i yelled out in this pain that gave me so much rapture at the same time. i didn't care who heard, the screams were for my Sir. He should be so very pleased with Himself. i can almost feel a direct transgression of releasing before allowed to so i decided to place my ass right back down to meditate over my wanton lust/sin. "Pleasure comes from service" Sir says.

The hour past but not fast enough for a greedy fuck toy like myself. i did check in to make sure the time was correct and was able to release. To my dismay, it didn't take very long and it was very intense. Is there a moral to this story? You all better bet your sweet asses there is. So, to all submissives out there, here is my advice to you all....

1. always remember that you may get what you wish for and then some. Yes its cliche but "watch what you wish for"
always get permission and watch those transgressions (meditate...it works)
2. always remember who you belong to and that everything you are now belongs to someone else for their pleasure alone. IF you are lucky enough.... you will be rewarded generously. IF not, remember your place and who you serve.
3. always remember that you/we are a beautiful gift(s). Whether we are given the generosity by the ones who own us or if we are denied such bountiful pleasures, we will always be gracious and accept the choice that is bestowed upon us. we live to please.
4. Never take you Dom/Sir/Master for granted. In the long run, they know what w/e need before w/e do and they will never let us down.

If you are needing a friend, or a confidant, or if you just want someone to talk to, i am here and you may contact me. w/e are here for each other.
~Bella

Rules, instructions and assignments are things that are given to me by my Dominant for very important reasons. To follow them should bring me the pride and happiness that I feel for him, and remind me that he cares for me. Rules are in place to keep me in line, place my heart and mind in the submissive mindset, and to make sure that I hold myself in his honor. Disrespect is greatly frowned upon.

Instructions and assignments are meant to help me improve myself for him. I am to follow all of these so that I present myself as a loving, obedient and beautiful woman for him.

When I was given a set of rules from my Dominant, I was excited that he felt the need to give me things to do for him, to make me available for him always. The list involves a wide range of things in my life to improve upon and maintain. These things are to be done every day, or at his specific request. Without these I do not have a purpose, my goal of pleasing him has no method. These rules are established not only for him to govern aspects of my life and behavior but also for me to express myself to him by following them.

I bring him pride when I follow the rules he has set out.
I use these rules as an anchor for my life. I look at them daily and plan out my day around accomplishing them.

It gives me fulfillment to finish them in a certain time and to know that he has given them to me to fill my world with him. I think about him constantly as I follow through on them, wishing he were here to see me do them, but knowing that one day that will come. The rules are his love pouring out on me, giving me that strength and wisdom I need at every turn of the day to do what I need to do. I follow the rules to show that I love and serve him faithfully.

The rules are important because they are his instructions, his plan to help in my modification as his perfect submissive. Without these rules, I would just be a woman without a goal. These rules are what make me who I am and mold me into what he wants to see.

These rules enhance my life and his; they lead on the right road and are there to hold me in his comfort while I do them. These rules are his love and guidance. They are central to my development and enhancement as his submissive. I need them to remind me of who I am.

Failing to achieve all the rules on a daily basis can happen for many reasons and some for no reason at all. They could happen for physical ailments, in which case, my Dominant would seek compassion I’m sure and allow a slide. The day could be filled with a lot of other activities and in that case, one should have permission to not fulfill certain tasks.

The worst failing is just to forget. Forgetting is a breakdown in the commitment and trust between Master and submissive and should be avoided with all being. When forgetting takes place, punishment is the result, to again remind the submissive, who controls who, and that the Dominant holds to love and pride in the submissive even through a failing.

Completing the punishment should better the girl and help enforce the rules once again.
It is important to find ways not to fail on the rules established by my Dominant. Finding ways to avoid that have included making a daily checklist, not allowing enjoyable rest time until the list is accomplished, and staying up late, or getting up early to make sure time is not an issue. Other ways to avoid displeasing my Dominant have not been set up just yet.

Rules are set to be followed; there is no excuse that does not come with repercussions. If one does not believe that these rules are important the breakdown of the relationship will occur.

Following the rules will give me the feeling of comfort and love. I will do them to the best of my ability unless shown how to do them differently by my Dominant.

My goal is to ultimately please my Dominant without having to think about the rules, get them ingrained in my mind, becoming second nature and finally my whole heart will only want to please and obey him.

"You are mine", He whispers.

Your body trembles and you melt in His hands.

"Undress", He demands.

To strip away any say over her own body leaves her vulnerable and afraid.

"On your knees", He orders.

His control awakens a hunger and deep desire within her being.

"Look at me", He speaks with a firm but commanding tone.

His voice echos in her mind as He stares into her soul.

"Good girl", He praises with a wicked smile. Those words that have her biting her lip.

"Breathe", He speaks with reverence. For He knows the sacred gift she freely gives Him, and the responsibility He owns that comes with that gift.

A submissives recollection

05/17/2022

i haven't known Sir that long but i am being taught and learning things that will help me know Him. What i do know is that Sir has this intensified look when He means business which is far different from His whimsical one when i am being playful with Him. me being new to this Sir/dynamic and being a “wild fire” i do need to test waters to see how far i can go with Sir before it is not acceptable. i like fun, my personality dictates it so as long as He is okay with that side of me and i don't disrespect Him, i will continue to just find my way with Him. i am just His muse...His blank canvas for all the beautifully placed marks of Sir that i will bear and be thankful for. These marks are a sign of my devotion to Him, my gift of submission to Him and His need/want for that blank canvas to fill his inner demon.

The silence overcomes the room. my nerves exercise their right to take liberties on my feelings and thoughts. These nerves determine the multiple trips to the bathroom, my fears, my excitement, and my body's response to being nothing but a pile of mush. i attempt to hide this well to no avail. my body deceives me and i cannot hide even if i tried.

Your alter ego appears in a quiet demeanor as You walk past me. i have not a clue what to do, what to expect, or even what is happening. i watch closely and curiously but not without fear and awakening of the unknown. my legs tremble, i feel alive yet subdued all at once. He is the boss and you never forget who is in control. i want to be compliant, to be perfect. i am far from it. i have this uncanny ability to say things before i have the chance to think about the consequences of the words that randomly expel from my mouth when i am nervous. i did warn Sir about this but it is never an excuse to speak when not spoken to …. or to use some of those words when spoken to for that matter. They are not what i consider to be disrespectful words. Instead it is the kind of playful words that as Sir says “you're digging a hole”. It's a flaw but when Sir is in a playful mood, i think He likes it.

The moment comes when He speaks “come here” or “kneel”. i do my best to move my feet from the cement they are in and obey His commands. When He asks me to kneel, there is this feeling, this need that runs through my veins and that is characterized by my deepest sincerity and fears of the unknown. It's where i always want to be...kneeling in front of You. i hear your voice, and i freeze. i cannot bear to look at You for fear of bursting out in a nervous laugh...my second worst flaw which i hope in time fades away. i look down at the floor, my hands, my knee... anything to avoid that “Dom glare”. i know that this is when i need to let all my guards down, to let my inhibitions go and to trust that my Sir will always know what is best for me (how, when and to what degree). This is so very hard to do at times only because of the unknown, uncertainties and me not knowing Sir very well yet. Do i trust Him?.... yes there is a part of me with my whole heart, soul and being only because He reassures me constantly.
He gently commands me to look at Him as He lifts my chin with His hand with some apprehensive resistance from me. i remember quickly who is in control as i look at Him. i am His submissive. my mind races with the seven words He has given me. Reciting them in my mind puts me in my place. i try to be obedient and not so distracted by my coping skills that Sir recognizes or that my service to Sir is affected. (i guess after reading this, He will ultimately learn things that i have never shared but He will now know the thoughts that unravel in my mind while His eyes torment me so). W/e “have no secrets” but a submissive can't learn to process things on her own if she doesn't keeps some things to herself for awhile especially when trying to build that trust with another. i need know that i can trust Him fully with the most private of thoughts and that He can trust me to share those thoughts with Him as i am able. To be brutally honest, it is a scary thought knowing that Sir will know what i am thinking all the time or my fear of those thoughts being used against me in some sadist kind of way or in a worse way (yes, this submissive has trust issues among others but don't we all?) This is a lot of power to hand over to another so freely.

i look into your eyes. Amongst the fears and my insecurities, i want this. No, i NEED this. i need the consistency that only You can provide and i believe you know and understand that too. You constantly and with gentle reminders say, “Be true to yourself” as if you can read my uncertainties yet you can see and feel my desire to submit and serve. i try not to question any of it as i start to trust and build that relationship with You and see that You will take Your time and not rush into anything that i am not ready for or You will advance as You feel i am ready. That is so reassuring that i am able to relax just enough to give in. Still, my insecurities surface, curiosity enables itself and my senses freeze in a state of panic from the adrenaline rush. i can't, nor do i want to disappoint. i need to be perfection, what if He doesn't like what He sees? God, i am a hot, disheveled mess and i can only hope He doesn't see it. i have so many questions in my mind. My mind is telling me not to speak...it's not the time. If Sir wishes to ask me something then and only then my mouth should be open. my mouth combusts open. i will find out shortly what such transgressions bring to the table.

“Excuse me?” You say as that devious grin on Your face comes to surface and You slap me across the face. Fuck, you stupid girl, i think. But to be honest, i liked the sting. i didn't like the fact that i said something i shouldn't so let me be clear about that. It was not the time to be playful but i tried to make that happen to avoid Your disapproval. You smile and i ask for another...You obliged without a second thought. It didn't hurt in a pain sense but in a refreshing wanton need (as i will refer to this type of “pain” from herein). This is what i needed to be grounded. i can't remember if i thanked You for the sting or burn but know i wanted to if i didn't Sir. my body reacts with moisture between my legs that eventually You will find out about. my body slowly opens up to You and there is not one damn thing that You don't notice that i try to hide... Damn it's embarrassing yet uncanny.... Your ability to notice the smallest movements. (Even the slightest opening of my legs Sir....SNS 😄 ) Limits are being pushed and apparent. My temperature rises and inhibitions are released. I fall from pride and grace to serve You.

i am nonsensical by this time and my mouth goes into playful overdrive. i WANT more....i NEED more but You already know that and Your sadistic side i believe needs that too. Such painful pleasures burn into the flesh, stings all senses and enlightens the soul. It makes me feel alive, it drives me to a deep wanton need/ lust that i can't control and the need for more....to have control taken out of my hands. To serve You, to please You. Giving up that control is a sexual arousal and wanton need all in itself. my thoughts dissipates for a mere moment and i go to a happy place where ecstasy and pain meet... the place where erotic begins and ends on Sirs terms. i found out quickly that He will snap you out of that.

Your hands wander, its becoming harder and harder to think straight or speak. You demand i look at You. i want to obey, but i am having difficulties pulling myself out of this space... You bring me back gently reminding me that You own me and You own my orgasms.... Again, fuck...those damn eyes that when they stare at you, you can do nothing but to look deep into them. i am not use to this kind of sexual, wicked mind fuckery. For as much as i hate it, i love it if that makes sense. Something that makes me have to come out of my comfort zone will hopefully progress to where it needs to be with the help of Sir. (Especially when i sense that He enjoys that submission very much...).

i love it when You use those two words....”Good girl”. It means i am doing something right.

The beautiful marks my Sir leaves behind are a beautiful reminder and a symbol of my devotion and compliance to him and of Your love and control. i wear them with pride whether visible in shades of purple and blue, makes of hand or paddle, or the sudden discomfort from His wicked pleasure. My Sir's marks are stepping stones of my achievements and willingness to do what it takes to please Him. They make me proud of who i am. They are a sign of belonging and ownership. A feeling that only a true submissive knows when they truly give up themselves to another.

When He is done with you, there are no fears as they disappear with His touch, His comfort and His support. my body quivers for a moment while i take in the new experience. No words need to be spoken as a soothing peace seems to say “you did it, Sir is happy, you crossed another hurdle and you never gave up”. He gives you the opportunity to discuss things without judgment and Sir is very patient and understanding with me (i am forever grateful for this because i know i can be a handful and perhaps not easy at times. Which i am sorry for? lol). New territory, new bridges, new experiences. He is constantly trying to reassure me and for that i am also grateful. i cannot hide anymore as You learn more about me and my reactions. i know that eventually You will know me better than i do myself... yes, i am scared but 110% accepting that You are in control. There is this strange thing happening to me. i can feel Your presence when Your not around like You are watching....always watching me. You continue to keep me in line and in control. i can feel You and i find tremendous inner peace.

It will take me awhile to see myself as He sees me. He makes me feel worthy and important to Him. i have nothing but respect and appreciation for Him. i can only hope i am living up to His expectations and standards because in just a short time, i feel like this is where i belong....on my knees to His left.

Thank You Sir for making me whole again and giving me a purpose. i will say this again... i don't plan on disappointing You.

It started when i spread my legs thinking of You....touching myself slowly at first. Fingers exploring my inner most crevices. So wet my Master....you make me so very wet. They come up to my mouth as my breathing intensifies, and i can hear my heart beating loudly. The taste is sweet as a roll my fingers against my lips. i hear You whisper in my ear...such a bad girl. With legs spread to expose my aching clit my toy of choice is placed in the center of my lust....god how i want you...with hands placed above my head as if You were restraining them, my body starts to quiver....can You sense how hot and wet i am Sir? my sex starts to pulsate and i can't utter a word...silence is in the air except for heavy breathing now. Trembling legs, Your pussy swollen with desire...i think of You and my body explodes in such capacity that i scream from orgasmic ecstacy. my body sensitive to the touch, i lay in a pool of erotic bliss as Your pussy beats like a drum until it subsides. Without permission, i make my transgression known and await my punishment.