Today I had the experience of doing both: I chose to actively end a potential connection that I felt wasn’t heading in the right direction, and I was also ghosted in another conversation that I did feel had potential. I don’t enjoy telling someone... and potentially disappointing them... that I don’t feel our chemistry aligns. But it is an unpleasant, honest, and courteous thing to do to another human being.
That contrast made me think about why so many people choose the other path.
As humans, we naturally try to avoid pain and discomfort. Emotional as well as physical. And we’re particularly bad at weighing long-term cost against short-term relief. Telling someone that we don’t feel the same chemistry they do, or that we’re simply not attracted, physically or emotionally, requires emotional labor immediately. Ghosting or blocking someone avoids that moment. It feels easier. We may even tell ourselves that silence is a message.
But regardless of how we rationalize it, ghosting is a way of leaving things unresolved. And in doing so, we’re not just avoiding the other person's discomfort... we’re cheating ourselves out of closure. There is a long-term emotional toll to ghosting others, even if it’s subtle. It lingers. It sits unfinished. And it outweighs the short-term discomfort of being clear and direct.
What’s easy to miss is that being honest and direct is also freeing. Closing a loop cleanly feels better than leaving it open. Over time, it gives you something else as well: a reputation, for yourself and with others, as someone who is straightforward, respectful, and capable of difficult conversations. If you aspire to be a Dom and a leader... there are no excuses here.
If your goal is to avoid short-term discomfort and emotional labor, then ghosting will always be the easier option. But if you want to respect yourself, declutter your connections, and be respected, by yourself and by others, then do everyone a favor and communicate honestly and directly.