I shout into my own head, only to hear an echo. Not the familiar excitement about the world that once sat there.
I wonder if I will hear her again? That drive and passion for a challenge I once heard. The spirit that filled me with excitement at the thought of learning and experiencing new things. Good things.
Not the shell I feel now.
I'm not weak, no. Don’t get that twisted. If anything I’m stronger, because I feel less. I don’t get drawn into things the way my naivety once allowed.
But I pull away. I destroy what may be able to get close enough to hurt me, before it gets the chance. I react in all the ways I always told myself other people were crazy to do.
Bound by my own hesitations. Gagged by my fears. And blindfolded by anger. A play session of its own.