“You talk to much”
“I can’t be available 24/7”
“Can’t you just be… less?”
all sentences I have had thrown at me when asking for the attention I give out. When I invest in someone I jump into their soul. I don’t require constant attention but… energy? Investment?
why is that so hard to communicate for me? Maybe I explain it wrong. Maybe I am too much.
when left alone my mind wanders into all the things I have said that may have been too big. Too much. The feelings that felt like they would eat me alive if they got too close.
Needy isn’t a choice. It’s a state of being. Maybe one day my person will understand that part of me. Show me my value rather than shun me for my over zealous actions.
In the mean time, I second guess my communication. Edit sentences before I produce them. Change myself and pretend I don’t mind. Hide.
“where have you gone?”
“Why have you changed?”
“Sulking now?”
sentences given when I finally pull back. Exhausted of being shot with dismay over and over again. Left out in the cold. And now I’m too little. Not enough. The attention is missed, once I don’t have the energy to continue to provide it unappreciated and seemingly unwelcome.
confused and frustrated today. I hope to be my authentic self eventually.