Ramblings

Not my normal blog style but a question that I’ve been pondering… 

I am very good at getting rid of people in my life. Not always by conscious choice. I say the wrong thing. Push away. Insult and run. 
I do this when I genuinely like someone. It’s almost like they get within a certain proximity and my brain tells me to attack them. 
This has to be some kind of defence mechanism right? 
I have cut off most of my family this way. Love interests. Friends. Almost everyone I decided I enjoy the company of, hates me within days after. Because of MY behaviour towards them. It’s almost like I sit and watch myself ruin it. Over and over again. 
I guess my question is… am I alone in this? Does anyone else experience this? Am I insane? 
… 

thanks