All that Jaz

     I had a converstaion with a friend today that made me think of the roots of my journey in BDSM.  I thought maybe putting it in black and white might be interesting...let's hope so anyway. The first really kinky thing that ever graced my dirty little mind (that I recall) was in 6th grade.  I grew up in a budding neighborhood...we were one of the first houses built. We used to play hide and seek, etc... in all the skeletons of new houses going up.  One day we found a stack of playboys hidden in one of the houses being built.  The playboys stirred something in me...although, what it did really had nothing to do with the models in the magazine. I remember laying in bed that night, and feeling "funny"...the scenario running through my head was of one of the local girls finding me with the playboys in the house in progress.  She decided to humiliate me...and did that by making me wear diapers and show her friends. This ran through my head nightly, it drove me crazy.  Not long after that, I decided that diapers weren't what I craved, and I turned to the wonderfully frilly and lacy world of women's lingerie.  I even got caught one night (when I was supposed to be in bed) putting on my mom's panties and bra.  My dad caught me...that was a rough night. At some point while I was still younger it dawned on me that women had an intoxicating power over me. I was submissive to all my gf's throughout Jr. High and HS...although I didn't realize it at the time. Fast forward to the Army....my first time out on my own far away from anyone I knew.  Me and my roomate found this warehouse club called "the sub club", it was in the middle of nowhere in Oahu, the inside was decorated with camo nets and vintage porn was projected on the wall...there was no liquor license, but if you were a regular, they would offer you a shot of jaeger on the dl.  They played gothic/newwave/industrial music there...it was my heaven.  I remember dancing one night, I was the only one on the floor, and I got embareassed so I started to leave the floor...this goth girl, beautiful as can be, said to me "keep dancing"...oh lord, did that push some buttons...and I did.  The club eventually started doing a once every couple of months even...where they would open as "The Dungeon", it was billed as a BDSM party...that cemented me in the BDSM scene, I knew, or more correctly realized what it was that turned me on.  I was mesmerized by women who knew exactely what they wanted and had no problem demanding it. I went a long time after leaving Hawaii, without any BDSM experiences, although I dreamed of worshipping at the feet of a strong woman constantly.  Fast forward to almost 18 years ago...I met my wife.  When we met, I told her I was Bi....she had no issue with that, after awhile I told her of my panty and submissive tendancies.  We played with that everyonce in awhile, but usually only after both of us had been drinking.   After some time, I let her know that I wanted more than just a once in awhile thing. We talked about our desires, and realized that she also had a submissive side. So we compromised...we made contracts...every other month our roles would reverse. I tried my hand at being dominant...she says I did it well, and that's because I did a lot of reading...lol.  I didn't get as much enjoyment out of being a Dom as I did being submissive though.  I eventually told her that.  I also told her that I had fantasized about being cuckolded.  The idea of her being a hotwife turned her on, and after some online play she was realizing that she liked being dominant as well.  So here I am today.  I am a submissive cuckold, always in panties, sometimes in chastity, and I can't think of any other place I would rather be