A Masochist's Adventures in Wonderland
Chapter 5
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I looked up from my computer when my phone buzzed on my desk. I picked it up and read a text from Ash.
When you come over tonight, wear the outfit you wore to the club.
I blinked at the message. This was the first time he ever contacted me for anything other than aftercare.
That’s what he called it when he checked on me after our sessions.
I started to smile and sent back a message of my own. Okay. See you there.
He didn’t reply with his usual kiss emoji. He didn’t reply at all.
I frowned at my phone waiting for his response. He always ended his messages with the kiss emoji.
Was something wrong? Did I do something to piss him off?
Wouldn’t he tell me if I did? We were still meeting tonight. Maybe he would tell me then—so why tell me to dress up?
I finished work, went home, and made sure to get every detail of my outfit right before I drove to his apartment.
I got butterflies walking up the stairs. This was only my third meeting with Ash—the second at his apartment. What would he do next?
I slowed down when I saw the door standing open at the top of the stairs. I eased inside and came face to face with him sitting on the couch in the living room.
He sat facing the doorway at the top of the stairs—right where he could see me show up.
He didn’t move or get up to greet me. He stayed sitting there resting one ankle on his knee.
He draped one arm over the back of the couch and the other resting on the arm next to him. He was wearing another suit.
“Stop right there,” he snapped. “Stand over there.”
He pointed at the spot where I was currently standing.
His tone made me freeze. He didn’t smile. His eyes and features hardened to a wall of ice. Now I knew I did something wrong.
I couldn’t even squirm. His gaze snapped down to my dress, shoes, necklace—everything. Was he checking that I did what he told me to do?
“Our session will last longer tonight.” He checked his watch again. “It will last no longer than an hour—and I will touch you tonight. There won’t be any penetration—of anything—no body parts—no objects—no penetration at all—but I will touch you. Do you agree?”
“Um…..yeah….” I hesitated to come right out and ask if he was mad at me about something specific.
His tone, the hard glint in his eye, and the way he sat there staring and evaluating me stopped me from asking—or doing anything.
He told me to stand here. He stayed sitting down. He didn’t soften or even try to make me feel comfortable or welcome.
I cringed in front of him. I sure hoped he didn’t think I screwed up somehow—but how could I have?
He had been over-the-top nice to me ever since we met. He had been beyond sweet and caring every time he texted to check on me.
“I’m going to restrain you again,” he went on in the same clipped, commanding tone. “You won’t be able to just walk away this time. You’ll actually be restrained—and I won’t blindfold you. You’ll be able to see everything. Are you ready for that? If you want to leave, you’ll have to use your safe word.”
I gulped. I actually had to think about it before I said, “Yes, I’m ready for that.”
“Strip down to your bra and panties,” he snapped.
I flinched again. He didn’t tell me I had to obey. His tone said it for me.
I couldn’t look at him while I pulled my dress over my head. I didn’t have to do anything else other than take off my shoes.
I would have liked to rub my arms and hopefully keep them crossed over the front of my body. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me at all.
He leveled me with such a hard, unforgiving stare that I wound up looking at the floor. Was he about to tell me to leave and never come back? I couldn’t face that.
He picked up something from the couch cushion next to him and tossed it to over to me. I didn’t realize until I caught it that it was the same set of soft cuffs I wore last time.
“Put these on,” he commanded.
I got busy putting them on. This seemed to be the way things were going now. Would I always wear this same set of cuffs every time I came here?
I finished pressing the Velcro into place. Now what?
He didn’t move for so long that I wound up looking up at him to see what the problem was. His eyes never wavered—nor did they soften.
“This is your last chance to walk away,” he told me. “Do you agree to all my conditions? You’ll do exactly as I say for the duration of our session—no questions. Once I start, the only way you walk out of here is by using your safe word.”
I forced myself to nod and say, “I agree,” but my voice sounded tiny and scared in the silence.
He waited another long, torturous minute and continued staring at me like he really had to think about whether I was good enough for him to go through with this.
He finally stood up, walked around the coffee table, and shut the apartment door behind me.
I knew better than to turn around when he stopped behind me.
He did something—I didn’t see what it was.
He took hold of one of my wrists and clipped something to the ring in my cuff on that side. Then he did the same thing on my other wrist.
He activated some other thing—and I realized that he had lowered ropes from some motorized attachment anchor in the ceiling.
The ropes extended from hidden portals up there. That’s why I didn’t notice them when I first walked in.
He used a remote control to lower and raise the ropes. They retracted, lifted my arms, and stretched them out on both sides.
He stayed behind me until the motor stopped with my arms extended all the way out and slightly above my shoulders.
He didn’t do anything for a minute. He just let me stand there and feel this.
I couldn’t get away. Tugging at the restraints did nothing. The ropes didn’t give. This position left me no room to move anywhere.
Without warning, he kicked his shoe against my ankles. “Get your legs apart,” he snapped.
I stumbled trying to stand with my legs apart. The air cooled my inner thighs.
This position made me tremble, but it also turned me on. Part of me didn’t want him to know it turned me on. I didn’t want him to take advantage of that.
I really dug myself into a hole now. This position put me in a compromising situation where he couldn’t fail to take advantage of me.
Was that really what I wanted? Wasn’t that what it meant to have a man possess me, own me, push me down, and take what he wanted?
He took his sweet time walking around me. He surveyed me up and down with the same brutal glare.
He stopped in front of me and stared straight down into my eyes. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t even breath.
He took a step back, surveyed me from head to toe, and compressed his lips in an expression of what looked like frustration or annoyance.
I squirmed—or tried to. He was seeing me completely exposed in a whole new way. I was helpless before that merciless gaze—and anything else he wanted to do with me.
He had me completely at his mercy. He could do anything. He could hurt me or even kill me.
Did I make a big mistake by trusting him?
He walked the rest of the way behind me again and stopped. I turned my head, but I stopped myself in time before I actually looked over my shoulder to see what he was doing.
I faced front expecting him to just stand there or maybe snap a few more commands at me.
Out of nowhere, he grabbed my hips, squeezed hard in a crushing grip, and pulled my ass back toward him once before he let go.
He slid his hands up my back, grabbed me around the ribs without actually touching my breasts, and then raked his fingertips down my sides to my waist.
He made a few small noises of appreciation like he might really have to work hard to hold himself back.
He circled my waist with both hands, and before I even knew what was happening, he grabbed me from behind in both arms.
His hands ranged all over me and he dove his hot, panting mouth in my neck. He buried his face in my hair and growled low in husky, animal snarls.
That sound set my nerves on fire. He sank his teeth into the side of my neck and a lightning bolt of power coursed over my skin.
I gasped and then started panting hard in rising anticipation. The tension spiked off the charts and my swollen pussy lips unfurled to gush an ooze of wetness into my panties. Was he going to take me right here?
He said he wouldn’t. He said no penetration—but he could break that rule if he wanted to. He had me tied up. He could do whatever he wanted.
He grabbed two handfuls of my body across my abdomen, raked his fingertips up the front of my thighs, and then seized my hips to yank my ass back against him.
He dug his pelvis into me from behind—and that’s when I felt how raging hard he was.
He didn’t try to hide it. He plowed his bulge into my ass, moved his hands behind me, raked his fingertips up the backs of my thighs, and grabbed two fistfuls of my ass cheeks.
He pulled them up and apart. He practically lifted me off the ground so I hung by my wrists.
He drove his prick right up between my ass cheeks in such an obvious fucking motion that he blasted me out of my mind. I really hoped he did fuck me right now.
He eased me down and stroked up my sides again, but this time, he planted one hand on my back between my shoulder blades and pushed me forward. I had to bend over while he pulled me back against his crotch by one hip.
“Is this what you want?” he growled under his breath. “Is this the way you want me to handle you?”
I gasped again. I could only speak above a breathless whisper. “Yes!”
Thank the stars he couldn’t see my face. I couldn’t think straight from the heat building between my legs.
I almost had another uncontrollable moment of actually breaking down and begging him to fuck me. Holy shit, I wanted him so bad!
“You want me to pull your panties off and bury my cock in your wet pussy, don’t you?” he growled. “You want me to make you scream and beg for it all night. You want me to keep you tied up here for hours and do whatever I want to you while you cum for me a hundred times. Say it.”
“Yes!” I practically screamed.
He grabbed me again, buried his torturous hot mouth against my ear, and used both arms to hold me down while he drilled his prick into my ass.
“I’m gonna take you,” he rasped. “I’m gonna use your body until you don’t know anything but me. I’m gonna make you scream until you can’t see straight. I’m gonna make you beg me to own you, body and soul.”
I really did scream—in desperation. God, I really wished he would.
Even in that moment, I already knew he wouldn’t—not now. If he meant it at all, he meant later—a long time later.
He let me go completely and left me hanging there whimpering in desperate misery. God, I needed him so bad right now!
How the hell was I supposed to walk out of here without him penetrating me—with something? I would take anything—his fingers, an object—anything.
He stopped in front of me, placed both hands on my hips, pulled me toward him, and slotted his knee between my thighs.
I screamed again when he pulled me down hard on top of his leg.
I almost collapsed when that pressure crushed against my sensitive pussy and rubbed me back and forth.
“Look at me!” he snapped.
I looked up and almost lost consciousness when he pulled me forward to grind on his thigh.
“Ride my leg,” he told me. “Make yourself cum—but keep your eyes on me the whole time. I want to see you cum.”
He let go of my hip. I moaned and then actually did scream when I tried to move my crotch along his thigh, but the power became so intense that I had to stop and look away.
“I can’t….” I gasped.
“Don’t tell me you can’t!” He seized me by the hair on the back of my head and forced my head up so I had no choice but to face him. “I said look at me!”
I dragged my eyes open with an almighty effort.
He stared at me from inches away—and I couldn’t break that stare. His eyes held me in an unshakable hold.
“You agreed to do what I tell you,” he snapped. “You said you wanted a man who knew what to do with you. Is that what you want—to walk out of here and go back to all the guys who don’t know what they’re doing? Is that really what you want?”
“No…..” I whimpered. I really wanted to cry.
“Then do it,” he snapped. “You do what I say or you use your safe word and walk away. You said you wanted someone who knew what to do with you. I know what to do with you better than you do. Now come on. Ride my leg like I told you to—and you keep your eyes open so I can see you. Come on. Show me how much you want this.”
My mind went into a confused rollercoaster of a thousand emotions, sensations, desires, and fears all jumbled into one chaotic mass.
I tried in every way to force my body to do what he said, but something froze me in place.
His eyes burned down into my very soul. I had never looked at him this close before—close enough to kiss me.
He would never kiss me. God, I would have given anything to have that with him, but he would never go there. He would never cross that line. He was too principled for that.
He didn’t even feel that way about me. I knew that now. He only did this to help me—the way I asked him to.
I grimaced and started to whine on the verge of tears—or was I on the verge of another catastrophic orgasm? I couldn’t even identify what I was feeling right now.
At that moment, he put his other hand behind my back, flattened it right on top of my tailbone, and pulled me forward in a slow, sensual rocking motion exactly like he really was fucking me deep, slow, and hard.
“Come on, baby,” he murmured through gritted teeth. “Come on. That’s right. Do you want me? Huh? Is this what you want? Do you want me to fuck you like this?”
“Yes!” I practically shrieked. I could have cried that he actually made me admit that to his face.
He still held me with his fist clenched in my hair, but I couldn’t look away from him if my life depended on it.
That movement sent an unstoppable wave of searing heat through me. All my buried desires exploded off the charts. I couldn’t stop the cataclysm from taking me over.
“You feel me fucking you right now, don’t you—just like this?” He pulled me down on his leg and flexed his hips just as if he really was fucking me. “You feel that, don’t you? Do you feel me inside you? Come on. Come on. Give me that.”
I screamed as a vicious spike of pure fire rocketed through me. I couldn’t hold it back.
“I need you!” I shrieked. “I need you, Ash!”
“I’m right here, baby. I’m right here. Now come on. Come to me. You know you want this.”
Right at that moment, he slid his hand down to my ass, grabbed a big handful, and crushed it in his grip.
He used my ass to pull me down harder on his leg and my own torturous need went off like a bomb tearing my body apart.
That blast of energy took hold. He didn’t have to move me anymore.
I smashed myself down on his leg riding him hard and fast. I screamed again and again bucking, grinding, and rubbing myself into another world-crushing orgasm.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his face. I heard him yelling at me to come on and give it to him, to show him how much I wanted him, and to feel him inside me taking me and owning me.
My eyes drifted out of focus. I couldn’t see him anymore before I dissolved in a mass of convulsions still grinding on his leg with all my strength. I couldn’t stop.
He released my wrists somewhere in all that screaming. I couldn’t keep track of what was happening or where anything was. I folded onto his chest—and then my knees gave out.
I didn’t realize until too late that he must have let go of me. I buckled and hit the floor.
I huddled there twitching and spasming trying in every way to come back to Earth, but the tempest still raged in my mind as much as my body.
Ash stood over me doing something. I couldn’t even lift my head to look at him. I could only see the legs of his pants up to his thighs.
Did he think I didn’t obey him well enough because I couldn’t do as he told me? Was he standing there about to tell me I wasn’t good enough to be a submissive?
I couldn’t face that. I couldn’t bring myself even to look up at him to find out if he was disappointed in me.
I couldn’t handle it if he was disappointed in me. I wanted more than anything to do what he said. Anything would be better than walking away—from all of this.
I didn’t know what this was. I might never be able to understand it, but I had to keep doing it. I couldn’t stop—not now when I was up to my neck in it.
The hurricane of emotions drove me to the breaking point. I needed some shelter—and I had no other shelter besides him.
I needed him more than he knew—more than I knew. I teetered on the brink of collapsing for real. I would fall apart if I didn’t do something.
In my last act of hopeless desperation, I dragged myself a few inches across the floor and wrapped my arms around his knees. I couldn’t ask him for more than that.
I clung to him—the only part of him I dared to touch. I might not even be worthy to hold onto his legs like this, but I had to hold onto something—some part of him to anchor me in this madness.
He didn’t kick me away or shake me off or tell me to stop. He just stood there and let me hold him.
He was always the one who held me before. He wouldn’t let me hold him like that—not until he did it first.
The raw emotional need to be near him—to take shelter from all of this turmoil—it welled up into a surge of misery and torturous need. I needed so much more from him.
There was no bottom to this dark pit of aching need—the need only he could fulfill.
I couldn’t face letting go of him—not now when he reduced me to this wreck of emotions.
Just then, he lowered his hand on top of my head and rubbed his fingertips into my scalp through my hair. He didn’t say a word. He just combed his fingers through my hair a few times.
That one act—that one small sign of his approval—it meant more than a thousand declarations of love from every other guy I had ever known.
I just wanted to be good enough for him. I could never hope to be his submissive—whatever that meant. I didn’t let myself think about what it meant.
I never would have let go of him—not ever—but he had other plans. He bent over, pulled me off his legs, and scooped me up in his arms.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, put my head down on his shoulder, and shut my eyes. I didn’t want to know where he was taking me or what he planned to do with me.
I didn’t care as long as I was still with him.
His movements changed. I opened my eyes just enough to see him walking up some stairs in a different part of his apartment. I didn’t see this before.
He carried me upstairs and into a bedroom. I hung onto his neck while he took one hand away from my back to turn on the lamp and pull down the sheets. The room looked like a hotel, but it was still in his apartment.
He laid me down on the bed, pulled the covers over me, kissed me on the head, and stroked his hand once down the side of my hair.
He left me lying there while he went around the room doing something.
He came back with an armchair from the other side of the room, put it next to the bed, kissed me once more, and whispered, “Go to sleep, baby. Shut your eyes and go to sleep.”
Those words worked their spell on me. I was getting so used to obeying him that my eyes shut automatically without me even trying.
I must have blacked out immediately because I woke up hours later. The lamp was still on.
Ash sat on the armchair by the bed doing something on his phone in one hand and holding a piece of paper in the other.
He was in the act of looking back and forth between them when I opened my eyes.
I didn’t move. I just stared at him for a long time.
He was such an amazing guy—and yet I didn’t understand one percent of what he was.. He was too fine even for me to comprehend what he was.
I could study him for the rest of eternity and never find out all the dimensions of him—especially since he didn’t want me to.
He kept switching between his phone, the paper in his hand, and another stack of papers balanced on his knee. He frowned at them—and then noticed me watching him.
He raised his head and studied me from his chair. His eyes didn’t go hard.
They didn’t go soft, either. He scrutinized me with some question hanging over his head.
I couldn’t look away from those eyes—the eyes that commanded my soul to respond to him.
He made me show him how much I wanted him. He knew now—in case he didn’t already know.
He was right. He knew how to handle me better than I did. He knew everything better than I did.
He didn’t want me lying here awake watching him work. He wanted me to sleep.
He was sitting in that chair to watch over me while I slept—so I could recover from our session.
I had to obey him in that, too. My eyes drifted closed and I didn’t wake up again.
End of Chapter 5.
