How it started and where it is going

I am often hyperkinetic and have a difficult time just relaxing- I need to constantly be doing something, learning something, experiencing something, going somewhere, entertained or busy - it makes me feel frenetic because I am constantly aware of my own mortality and there is never enough time - I am not afraid of death, I just want to be a part of everything before I go but sometimes, I wish I could rest 

the occasions when my mind is at rest occur when I am with a Master in charge, with firm direction and clearly defined expectations for