Sex: How Do You Define Sex in 2025?
This was my very first question on my journey to becoming a sex and relationship coach—and honestly, I’ve been asking it for a long time.
What is sex?
When does it begin? Why does it end? Who gets to say what the goal—or the “climax”—even is? Is climax the goal? So many questions.
Personally, I can’t define sex without first defining a few other things. For example: sex is one type of sexual activity. And sexual activity, in my view, is any act where the goal is to bring sexual pleasure to someone—yourself, a partner, or multiple people. That might be penetrative sex, masturbation, oral sex, or something else entirely.
In the language I use, I define sex as any activity where the shared goal is to bring each other the maximum sexual pleasure the moment can hold.
That doesn’t always mean orgasm. It doesn’t always mean intensity.
But it does mean entering the experience with the intention to explore, offer, and receive as much sexual pleasure as possible—whether that pleasure is physical, emotional, kinky, playful, spiritual, or rooted in deep trust. It’s the difference between affectionate connection and erotic connection.
It’s about saying:
“We’re here, together, to dive into everything this moment of pleasure can be.”
And that can look different every time. Not every night is going to be a 15/10. Not every night ends in fireworks. But it can still be amazing. It can still be deeply bonding. When we listen to each other, when we’re present, even a soft or quiet night can leave you feeling held, connected, and alive.
When we take on a sex-positive, non-normative definition of sex, we open ourselves up to a whole new realm of possibility.
When we free ourselves from the idea that orgasm is the “end,” we make room for the whole journey to matter.
Traditional definitions of sex limit us—right down to the language we use. So let’s open the door to more expansive conversations:
When does sex end, and why?
What happens after it ends?
Do you carry that connection forward?
What does foreplay mean to you?
What do you need to feel safe enough to ask for more?
I once heard someone say that foreplay should last at least three days. And honestly? That blew my mind. That kind of emotional stamina—slow-building intimacy, flirtation, shared anticipation—redefines what it means to “prepare” for sex. It’s not just physical stamina. It’s about letting arousal live and breathe in your connection over time.
I may not have all the answers yet—but I do know this:
Redefining sex is worth it.
I’m building a future where we ask deeper questions, embrace all kinds of connection, and make room for everyone’s version of pleasure.
And if you’re on this journey too—
I’d be honored to walk beside you.