One size doesn’t fit all

I am broken. I am tired of acting like everything is okay. When every single day I lose another piece of myself. My mind becoming more numb. I wake up every morning forcing myself to face another day alone. Telling myself things will get better. I am tired, lost, but hide everything I feel. Staying strong for everyone else, but no one is strong for me. No one is there when the flashbacks and the nightmares have me screaming into the darkness and huddling in a corner begging the memories to leave me alone. People only see the mask. The calm, the smiling, the pretending everything is okay. No one sees the war going on inside me. The panic and anxiety, from a night of being in terror. Holding myself as I rock myself to exhaustion, only to get up a couple hours later to work. I still show up like nothing is wrong. Because no one else will. I gave everything to people who never really cared. And now I trust so few people. It is hard to give, when you are desensitized. I learned over and over again that caring too much fractures you in ways than aren’t repairable. I am broken, but I still move forward. Why? What else am I going to do? If I give up, if I stop, then what was the point of my life? Because deep inside I still hope, I still dream that someday, someone will choose me, love me, cherish the gifts I have to offer.