Sue,
what were you thinking? i was 14. Was it your husband who beat you that drove you towards me?
Did you think that I loved you, When I laid there so still? Or was taking virginity some kind of cheap thrill. Still who I am
The stains you have left still cling to my soul. Is this who I am? Or What you have done, you’ve taken your toll.
Decades of struggling to find who I was, of feeling so tainted and ashamed of myself.
I never went to a dance like all my school friends. I never felt good enough to be there with them.
I couldn’t tell my parents the truth of the day, I left them wondering what happened. I spared them the pain.
I worked so hard to feel worthy running away from the stain. Gaining some measure of fortune, a measure of fame. But it never seemed right when I won a prize because i thought that deep down I was too compromised.
Goddamnit, I’m angry, and I don’t want to be. How can I be sure when I don’t even know me.
Is there any part left? That still pure and true. A part of me that’s not seasoned by Sue.
I’m cooked.