GrimmOryx(sub female){Maiden's S}

Quips and Chains

Because all pleasure and no pain makes me grumpy.

Don’t Call Me ‘Mistress’

6 years ago. April 4, 2018 at 12:53 AM

This site has been absolutely wonderful. Though new, I and my sub have already become fast friends with some of you and feel a real sense of community. It’s liberating to feel as though there’s place where we can truly just be ourselves among others who happen to share our... ah... interests.

I have a small bone to pick. Listen up. Don’t call me your mistress. Not even my love addresses me as such. It’s not the way I’d like to be referred to by her and certainly not by anyone I’ve never spoken to before. The bond between a Domme (or Dom) and their sub is special and should be honored. You don’t kneel in my playroom? You don’t get the right to call me anything other than Grimm, Oryx, or GO.

Are you a sub who is looking for his or her own Domme? I certainly hope you find your bliss. It won’t be with me. When you message me and tell me that you’re on your knees waiting for my instruction and refer to me as ‘your mistress’, let me explain to you in no uncertain terms that it does nothing for me except make me sad that you value yourself so little that absolutely anyone will do... so long as they’re willing to debase, punish, or order you.

Want to know HOW I know that you have no standards in your Great Domme Hunt? You didn’t bother to even read my profile before sending me that message. You were wholly uninterested in who I am as a person and instead simplified me right down to the role that I fit in my relationship. That isn’t with you.

Subs, if you think I’m speaking to you I probably am. You want to turn off a good Domme? Keep it up. There are those out there who have your best interests in mind. Who are, in fact, judicial with their time, energy, and emotions. Why on EARTH would she choose someone who, from the very first interaction, has proven themselves to be wholly disinterested in who she is beyond play?

You want to get yourself in a dangerous situation? This is a great way to do it. Unscrupulous abusers will see you, snatch you up, wring you dry. Then leave you.

It’s insulting to continue begging when you’ve been told no. You neither care about who I am as a person, nor do you listen to the things I am expressly telling you. And you’re shocked when you simply cannot find a Domme who wants to take you on.

Again- if you think this is about you, it probably is. Look closer at your interactions. Make an effort. And LISTEN if you are told “No.” I don’t owe you a damn thing. Not my time. Not any emotional investment. Nothing. I choose when, where, how, and why I give those parts of myself and I especially choose to whom.

And so I don’t close on a negative... I want to thank everyone for making me feel so very welcome. The overwhelming majority have been nothing short of the community I’ve always wanted.

MyFirstTime(sub female) - ? Preach.

6 years ago

GrimmMaiden(dom female){GrimmOryx} - *steps onto soapbox* Furthermore, you are not only disrespecting the person you're throwing yourself at by diminishing them to MERELY a role, you're disrespecting their partner. I'd personally like to caution subs against that. Every now and then you'll come across a Sub instead of a sub. One who speaks freely. One who does not and never would need permission from anyone to speak. And one who is VERY territorial. That, my community colleague, could be detrimental to you. Read the profile first. Attempt to get to know someone after you've determined they're even in the market. Then broach the subject if you feel comfortable with that person. Do not...I say again....DO NOT throw yourself at a complete stranger after they've bluntly declined multiple times. It's disrespectful. And makes the community look bad.
*Steps off soapbox*
Ahem...Hi ma'am. Your post was very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it. You made some really great points. You should always approach someone with caution in this game. You and I have known each other nearly 13 years and we STILL discussed this dynamic for MONTHS before beginning. I hope your post helps others.
On a side note....you're really hot. And I love you.

6 years ago

GrimmOryx(sub female){Maiden's S} - You are absolutely correct. It’s disrespectful to each person in a clearly defined partnership when someone refuses to listen to the word “No.” vanilla or bdsm, it’s rude. It’s unwanted. It doesn’t make a good first impression.
The basis for ANY healthy BDSM relationship is communication. I can’t imagine just... hitting up someone you know nothing about and trusting that they’ll stop when you say the safe word, or that they know what they’re doing. Alternatively, that this unknown sub will actually SAY the safe word when their body has taken enough. That’s a lot of trust in someone that you don’t know their last name.
Also... you’re hot and I love you!

6 years ago

Fyglia Wicked(dom female) - Forcing their submission on person is just as much a red flag as someone forcing their dominance on a person I rather never find a submissive than entertain a manipulative weak one.

6 years ago

GrimmMaiden(dom female){GrimmOryx} - #church

6 years ago

GrimmOryx(sub female){Maiden's S} - It makes me want to reply, “sorry. Don’t speak whine-ese.” Whining and begging has never gotten me to change my mind. Present me with well reasoned arguments and I’ll be happy to discuss. But taking on a new sub isn’t something I’m going to explore.
As an aside; it’s really awesome to see other dommes! Especially ones that feel like I do. I’m experienced, but by no means am I an expert. I’m always learning and evolving, growing into my role. It really gives me a happy to see that there are other women here who also take up that Domme stride in life.

6 years ago

SchrodingersDinosaur(switch female){N/a} - Thanks for your post GO. I too have enjoyed your relationship with GM vicariously, appreciate you two sharing your journey. Just a little gentle pushback though, I totally agree, folks from either dynamic can be a bit 'over exuberant' in their approach and it would behoove them to heed the words in our profiles, however, I can understand the desperation behind their actions. You see something you want so badly and can't understand why you can't find someone , anyone, to answer that craving. As another blogger commented, it can be an addiction. They are junkies, looking for their next fix. It can be an overwhelming feeling. I don't think (in most cases) that it is truly disrespectful. It can be frustrating but I prefer to gently correct a person approaching too forcefully if I can. My hope is always that I can help them see what healthy interactions look like so that as they move forward in this world they'll be more successful. I do think that in most cases the person approaching believes that is how they are 'supposed' to act, i.e. I am a Dominant I have to be forceful or I am a submissive, I must be obsequious. I think we grow stronger as a community when we help people grow into the dynamic with the caveat that they have to be willing to accept that guidance. Just my two cents. - Henna

6 years ago

GrimmOryx(sub female){Maiden's S} - I absolutely agree with this. This entire site is based on support and community. Those who are capable of modeling healthy behavior should be doing so. It isn’t unhealthy to be very direct when telling someone you aren’t interested. It’s not unhealthy to bluntly tell a person WHY you are disinterested. Oddly enough, during these interactions, no one has apologized for objectifying me, even after I have explained that is what is truly distasteful. Many have persisted in addressing me as Mistress even after I have asked to be called Grimm, Oryx, or GO.
If they ARE addicted, it is certainly not my place to enable their addiction. I make myself available for anyone who wants community, friendship, has questions they think I might be able to answer. I’ll answer openly and honestly. I will not allow anyone to reduce me to a label when I am so much more than that; addiction or not. There is no one way to be in BDSM. The community is as varied and diverse as any I could imagine with people from all walks of life.
If there is a pervasive idea that because you identify as submissive, you owe submission to every Domme/Dom or that because you identify as dominant, you SHOULD dominate all those who are subs, then it’s an ideology that needs to be dispelled. Information and communication are key. Working together here is a great way to start.

6 years ago

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GrimmOryx​(sub female){Maiden's S}

Quips and Chains

Don’t Call Me ‘Mistress’

GrimmOryx(sub female){Maiden's S}