I hadn't planned on opening my bag of shit and dumping it out for all to see. But, I sense a growing wave of distain for me developing. It's not unusual. I say what I think or feel, with very little filter. Folks usually like or hate me. I think many are not accustomed to or comfortable with my frankness and blunt honesty!
When I started out in BDSM, in 1978, I was 19 and I found a Domme, who insisted on training me as a slave, "so I would know what I would put my subs through!" It seemed reasonable, but that woman could make you bleed, with a crop, anywhere she desired. She was a sadist, masquerading as a Domme. I suffered through her training. I was turned out to be used by men, and publicly humiliated at parties.
There were no contracts then, safe words were never even mentioned. Merely being associated with BDSM could lose your job. I’m straight yet, I was forced to suck cocks, take anal cream pies, and be passed around the room being used or abused in whatever way the guests wished! I was being trained and "needed to learn." These things were coerced. No one heeded my pleas to stop. When I absolutely refused to cooperate, I was simply tied and immobilized, and the guests carried on with their abuse. This was a pattern, not an isolated event.
I wanted to be trained. I was convinced that this was all just part of becoming a "Trained Dom!"
The ignorance of youth, frenzy of the thrill and potential reward drove me to endure and succeed! I knew that I would do thing differently, I just had to get through the training.
There was no internet back then. When you fall into a small isolated social group, hiding in plain site, they are the only information or educational resource available. I couldn't go to the library and check out books on BDSM! There were none available!!!
Now, I'm sure that I'm not alone, when it comes to this kind of treatment, especially in the 1970's! That being said, my style is very different, and consent, safety, and willing participation are key to my scenes with all subs.
Seeing naive young women, diving into this lifestyle headfirst, with no Idea of what role they wish to fill, or what that role actually entails, I became concerned.
I am the father of 2 fully grown daughters, my protective sense for these young ladies kicked in. I offered to be an advisor, to bring questions to. I provided a link to submissivesguide.com, and recommended they educate themselves, learn a bit and begin training online. I've offered to be a sounding board that they can bitch and complain to.
I believe that not encouraging naive young women to enter slowly with knowledge and eyes open, is abuse. I have constantly strove to ensure true informed and educated consent. The participants layout or describe the scene. Toys, equipment to use and limits are agreed to ahead of the actual day of the scene. Safe words, safety equipment, potential problems and areas of concern are clearly laid out in the scene plan, which has been agreed on by all involved.
I tend to go overboard to ensure that there are no issues, problems or questions prior to initiating a scene.
Obviously, in a regular or 24/7 situation the formal record of scenes is forgone, but at all times consent and active, eager agreement is a must. That kind of relationship is hard to build . It is to be cherished and treasured .
A sub forced to endure an oppressive Master, will never thrive or grow.