My Thoughts

Lust is a very fickle task master

Not needing to follow protocol

Go by the rules

Fuck the rules

Lust wants what it wants

The obstacle is not really an obstacle

The wall was never that high

Your uncertain of my motives

Relax

My motive is to take you

Over &

Over &

And over again

Is that clear enough

You doubt if I can fulfill

I doubt your confidence

Your bravado is telling

Why hesitate?

Thoughts will make you miss it

Miss the moment

The offer is fleeting

Lust is not bound to you

It is a ravenous animal

Unrestained

Uncontrolled

It follows where the eyes lead

Keep its focus

Give in

You want to

Lani

I am sitting across looking into the eyes of a man who stated from the very beginning, “I am dominant.”

Why am I here? What purpose did he want to meet? We can continue on the path we were on. A “friendship” as I lust after him.

“ I have decided to give you the power tonight.”

‘Wait what?’ I thought. “Explain”

“I trust you and I want to see if I can let another be in charge of my needs without being told what to do.” He said this in a matter of fact tone but radiating dominance from every pore.

“Marcus you would not be able…”

“I can do it with you. I trust you.”

Shit why did he say that? If he only knew what I wanted from him. My mind and my body are at odds when I am doing a scene. The fact we joke around about what would be done to the other if we ever had the chance to, makes things even worse.

“This would change things with us.”

“No it wouldn’t. It’s only one time and then we go back to the way things were.”

He is fucking lying. We do this and it changes things.

“Lani, are you saying you will not take the opportunity to break me?”

He is challenging me. He knows me too well. My hands are beginning to burn and like a dog that has not eaten in a while I am salivating.

“State your limits.”

“You know them.”

“I know the limits you have your subs tell you. What are your limits? What part of you is off limits. What can I do? That is a hard no.”

There was a flash of uncertainty. 

“You know what I like to do. There are times I leave a mark. Not where everyone can see but you can feel it for days. There are implements and…”

“Fine. I know what you like and I just…just..”

“Just what Marcus? Speak”

“Want to explore. I want to do it with you alright. One time.”

I stared at him intensely. Reading his body language. He’s tightly woven. Unsure if he can be taken. In all ways.

“Color?”

“Blue” he said

“That is your safe word when you are ungagged. When you need a moment and you can not speak, raise your pointer finger. You want me to stop two fingers. This is supposed to be pleasurable and slightly therapeutic. I do not truly know what is going in that mind of yours but once you give me the go ahead we will begin.”

He smiled and the dominance rolled back into place. He does not believe I can do this.

“Lani, you have my consent.”

Marcus

She is doubting I can submit to her, We have been on the same page from the moment we met. There were times I thought of breaking her. Letting her release any of those demons she has inside.

Then I thought to my self, it must have been seven months back, I have fucking demons and I have a curiosity that I never explored before.

“Marcus go into your room and take everything off up to your briefs. When I return I expect you to have your head bowed eyes on the floor, hands unfisted and your stance. Correct it. Legs not so wide.” Lani said and left

What the fuck. My stance is not wide. I went to the bathroom and looked at my stance. It does not look wide. I picked up my phone and looked at male subs and I mimicked how they stood. That was awkward. It was not much to adjust.

I undressed and I started to feel uncomfortable. I should have said’ no urinating or scat’. She’s not into it but I should have said it anyway

‘Marcus it’s Lani.’ the thought ran through my mind.

Shit what am I thinking? It’s fucking Lani. I watched a session she had with a sub because he wanted to be watched and she…

Fuck it was hot but can I let her do that?

I am secure in my masculinity and nothing is being taken by force. I agreed to it. 

“Marcus man up” I said to the person in the mirror.

I was down to my briefs and went to the bedroom. That is when I heard the door open and close.

“Get in here now.”

Oh fuck, I know the tone. She is ready. Am I?

One breath

One handle

One turn

One room created

To break down

To rip apart

To get past the muscle

To drill into the bone

To get to the marrow

To get to the cause  

The Pain

The Destruction

Door closes

Dense Air

Doubt creeps inside

(trust me)

Hyper aware

Hypnotic stares

Entranced in the moment

Engulphed in the aesthetic

Moving without thought

Removing without thought

Restrained

Bound

Fear rises

Tremors begin

Sight taken

Only sound

Only feeling

It starts off slow

Builds in intensity

Stinging turns into burning

Burning turns to pain

Word whispered

As soft leather lands

On skin and hands

Tears drop but you don’t understand

There is a method to the madness

As the whip is in my hands

This pain allows the boy to be free

So, you can let the world see the man

You walked the line between heaven and hell

Do you allow the beast takeover

To dominate every area and every inch of this space

To take without being asked

To break you

 To bend you

To reveal a part of you

You never knew existed

Or

Will I hand over the reins

Allow another to give me pleasure

To feel free

No thoughts

No decisions

Just feeling the moment

The Beast is waiting. Decide.

I have been sitting here looking at a poem I composed yesterday. I feel that it was cut off. that there needs to be more. Not realizing that it was complete. It did not need more because it would lead into something else.

So I decided to make a part two which will dive deeper into the action.  The first poem is walking with pain and the second it called release the pain.

I may post it here but I just find it amusing that when the answer is right in front of your face and you do not realize it.

A chair

A glass filled

Top unbutton

Only sound is your breathing

A command

A smirk across tempting lips

A sip

Purposely allowing a drop to escape

A swallow

A moan

A hunger

That needs you on your knees until it burns

A whimper

A smile

A heeled shoe

Pressed against a chest watching you come undone

A moment

A second

You are close, not over the edge

Good ……

I have been asked often about “How does this online dynamic work”. I explained it to someone the other day and I feel that I did not fully give it.

Before I start, I want to acknowledge ErosRising four pillars post. He was spot on with his explanation. Also this is what “I” look for in an online dynamic.

I will piggyback off the explanation a little bit. Is pillars begin as follows, Trust, Honesty, Communication and Respect.

Since it is online only I will need to shift the order a bit. Communication is first and foremost, Honesty and Trust are interlock and respect.

The conversation if it is welcomed is setting the foundation. You will know if the person is agreeable by several factors. The questions, the ease of the conversation and importantly the time.

 During this period. No agreement has been made. I feel if things move fast it will burn out just as fast.

Honesty and Trust must be given both ways. If I feel that you are lying. I will end it.  Why? If you want things to go further and normally that is what is wanted. How would it work if I can not trust that what is said and done is between us.

Respect will always be given and in return I expect it back.

(If you are expecting me to go into detail of the sexual dynamic. Sorry I will not.) Hopefully this gives you the answer to the online dynamic and what I mean by it.

Little monster

Come to me right here

Show me those teeth

As I smile and stare

An angel wrapped around the demon inside

Stick out that tongue as you taste

My cum

As I ride

You want to bite me

Draw some blood

Taste the metallic flavor

As I flood

Come here little monster

Crawl on those knees

Focus on the task

You do want me pleased

Or is it that you want the fight

To be tied up

To this bed all night

See those lips

Do you know what to do with them

Lie back, part them

 stick your tongue inside

Oh you cant breath

That is good too

Come out little monster

Show me the destruction you can do

I feel my heartbeat through my whole body

Licking the rim off the glass

Is reminiscent of your body

My taste buds ignite with flavor

Wondering and salivating

What the rest of you taste like

"Can I have a taste"

(I have been asked how does this.. online D/s works. It depends on the parties in question. Anything can work. You just need to persist)

What does this say about me if I tell you that I want to be the monster

the one that watches you crumble

the one that tests your walls until it finds the crack

the one that wants to allow  you to know you're done before

You know that saying that damaged people gravitate to damaged people

I cannot recall when I became that monster

So many things have occurred

The darkness just latched on

It's twisted

turned

dug in so deep

You couldn't find the initial route to pull if you want it

Now I sit back and watch the crumbling

I recognize the fear

I realize where exactly to push

I recognize you are moving forward

 To step one step back

I should feel insulted.

You come to me after another monster has tainted you.....

(There is more to this, but it will be in my BDSM poetry book coming out in 2026)