My Thoughts

Lani

I am sitting across looking into the eyes of a man who stated from the very beginning, “I am dominant.”

Why am I here? What purpose did he want to meet? We can continue on the path we were on. A “friendship” as I lust after him.

“ I have decided to give you the power tonight.”

‘Wait what?’ I thought. “Explain”

“I trust you and I want to see if I can let another be in charge of my needs without being told what to do.” He said this in a matter of fact tone but radiating dominance from every pore.

“Marcus you would not be able…”

“I can do it with you. I trust you.”

Shit why did he say that? If he only knew what I wanted from him. My mind and my body are at odds when I am doing a scene. The fact we joke around about what would be done to the other if we ever had the chance to, makes things even worse.

“This would change things with us.”

“No it wouldn’t. It’s only one time and then we go back to the way things were.”

He is fucking lying. We do this and it changes things.

“Lani, are you saying you will not take the opportunity to break me?”

He is challenging me. He knows me too well. My hands are beginning to burn and like a dog that has not eaten in a while I am salivating.

“State your limits.”

“You know them.”

“I know the limits you have your subs tell you. What are your limits? What part of you is off limits. What can I do? That is a hard no.”

There was a flash of uncertainty. 

“You know what I like to do. There are times I leave a mark. Not where everyone can see but you can feel it for days. There are implements and…”

“Fine. I know what you like and I just…just..”

“Just what Marcus? Speak”

“Want to explore. I want to do it with you alright. One time.”

I stared at him intensely. Reading his body language. He’s tightly woven. Unsure if he can be taken. In all ways.

“Color?”

“Blue” he said

“That is your safe word when you are ungagged. When you need a moment and you can not speak, raise your pointer finger. You want me to stop two fingers. This is supposed to be pleasurable and slightly therapeutic. I do not truly know what is going in that mind of yours but once you give me the go ahead we will begin.”

He smiled and the dominance rolled back into place. He does not believe I can do this.

“Lani, you have my consent.”

Marcus

She is doubting I can submit to her, We have been on the same page from the moment we met. There were times I thought of breaking her. Letting her release any of those demons she has inside.

Then I thought to my self, it must have been seven months back, I have fucking demons and I have a curiosity that I never explored before.

“Marcus go into your room and take everything off up to your briefs. When I return I expect you to have your head bowed eyes on the floor, hands unfisted and your stance. Correct it. Legs not so wide.” Lani said and left

What the fuck. My stance is not wide. I went to the bathroom and looked at my stance. It does not look wide. I picked up my phone and looked at male subs and I mimicked how they stood. That was awkward. It was not much to adjust.

I undressed and I started to feel uncomfortable. I should have said’ no urinating or scat’. She’s not into it but I should have said it anyway

‘Marcus it’s Lani.’ the thought ran through my mind.

Shit what am I thinking? It’s fucking Lani. I watched a session she had with a sub because he wanted to be watched and she…

Fuck it was hot but can I let her do that?

I am secure in my masculinity and nothing is being taken by force. I agreed to it. 

“Marcus man up” I said to the person in the mirror.

I was down to my briefs and went to the bedroom. That is when I heard the door open and close.

“Get in here now.”

Oh fuck, I know the tone. She is ready. Am I?

One breath

One handle

One turn

One room created

To break down

To rip apart

To get past the muscle

To drill into the bone

To get to the marrow

To get to the cause  

The Pain

The Destruction

Door closes

Dense Air

Doubt creeps inside

(trust me)

Hyper aware

Hypnotic stares

Entranced in the moment

Engulphed in the aesthetic

Moving without thought

Removing without thought

Restrained

Bound

Fear rises

Tremors begin

Sight taken

Only sound

Only feeling

It starts off slow

Builds in intensity

Stinging turns into burning

Burning turns to pain

Word whispered

As soft leather lands

On skin and hands

Tears drop but you don’t understand

There is a method to the madness

As the whip is in my hands

This pain allows the boy to be free

So, you can let the world see the man

You walked the line between heaven and hell

Do you allow the beast takeover

To dominate every area and every inch of this space

To take without being asked

To break you

 To bend you

To reveal a part of you

You never knew existed

Or

Will I hand over the reins

Allow another to give me pleasure

To feel free

No thoughts

No decisions

Just feeling the moment

The Beast is waiting. Decide.

I have been sitting here looking at a poem I composed yesterday. I feel that it was cut off. that there needs to be more. Not realizing that it was complete. It did not need more because it would lead into something else.

So I decided to make a part two which will dive deeper into the action.  The first poem is walking with pain and the second it called release the pain.

I may post it here but I just find it amusing that when the answer is right in front of your face and you do not realize it.

A chair

A glass filled

Top unbutton

Only sound is your breathing

A command

A smirk across tempting lips

A sip

Purposely allowing a drop to escape

A swallow

A moan

A hunger

That needs you on your knees until it burns

A whimper

A smile

A heeled shoe

Pressed against a chest watching you come undone

A moment

A second

You are close, not over the edge

Good ……

I have been asked often about “How does this online dynamic work”. I explained it to someone the other day and I feel that I did not fully give it.

Before I start, I want to acknowledge ErosRising four pillars post. He was spot on with his explanation. Also this is what “I” look for in an online dynamic.

I will piggyback off the explanation a little bit. Is pillars begin as follows, Trust, Honesty, Communication and Respect.

Since it is online only I will need to shift the order a bit. Communication is first and foremost, Honesty and Trust are interlock and respect.

The conversation if it is welcomed is setting the foundation. You will know if the person is agreeable by several factors. The questions, the ease of the conversation and importantly the time.

 During this period. No agreement has been made. I feel if things move fast it will burn out just as fast.

Honesty and Trust must be given both ways. If I feel that you are lying. I will end it.  Why? If you want things to go further and normally that is what is wanted. How would it work if I can not trust that what is said and done is between us.

Respect will always be given and in return I expect it back.

(If you are expecting me to go into detail of the sexual dynamic. Sorry I will not.) Hopefully this gives you the answer to the online dynamic and what I mean by it.

Little monster

Come to me right here

Show me those teeth

As I smile and stare

An angel wrapped around the demon inside

Stick out that tongue as you taste

My cum

As I ride

You want to bite me

Draw some blood

Taste the metallic flavor

As I flood

Come here little monster

Crawl on those knees

Focus on the task

You do want me pleased

Or is it that you want the fight

To be tied up

To this bed all night

See those lips

Do you know what to do with them

Lie back, part them

 stick your tongue inside

Oh you cant breath

That is good too

Come out little monster

Show me the destruction you can do

I feel my heartbeat through my whole body

Licking the rim off the glass

Is reminiscent of your body

My taste buds ignite with flavor

Wondering and salivating

What the rest of you taste like

"Can I have a taste"

(I have been asked how does this.. online D/s works. It depends on the parties in question. Anything can work. You just need to persist)

What does this say about me if I tell you that I want to be the monster

the one that watches you crumble

the one that tests your walls until it finds the crack

the one that wants to allow  you to know you're done before

You know that saying that damaged people gravitate to damaged people

I cannot recall when I became that monster

So many things have occurred

The darkness just latched on

It's twisted

turned

dug in so deep

You couldn't find the initial route to pull if you want it

Now I sit back and watch the crumbling

I recognize the fear

I realize where exactly to push

I recognize you are moving forward

 To step one step back

I should feel insulted.

You come to me after another monster has tainted you.....

(There is more to this, but it will be in my BDSM poetry book coming out in 2026)

This is dead. Everyone knows everyone and no one seems to want to be with each other. I hate this, but Father said I must pick someone soon; the kingdom is depending on me.

Damn, why does the kingdom always have to depend on the mistress? Whatever? I hate being part of the Dark Council. Let's go on with the ball. There were the Sims out there in the corner whispering about everybody's outfit. There were the cutthroats talking about what they would love to do once they get others in the dark; there were the angels, more like Dark Angels, because once they get you in the dungeon, nothing light ever comes from there.

 Then there was my group, the ones who have been here, done that, and are a bit jaded. I look to the right to see that they are sitting there looking out into the crowds and realizing no one has approached the ball in ages, no one at all outside of the ball.

Five young gentlemen decided they wanted to party, and they were told that this was the place to be, not realizing what they would walk into the minute the door opened. “Hello, gentlemen, are you sure you know where you are?”

“ Ah, come on. This is a party. All the girls are here, all the guys are here. We're here to just have some fun. It's a party.”

  The doorman looked at them, smiling, realizing that they didn't know what kind of party this actually was, but it was fresh blood, and everyone was new. Walking inside, the five gentlemen were gawking at all the women, scantily clad in all the leather and collars, and some of them were just so elegant. And then there were those who weren't dressed at all.

Out of the five, two were looking at the guys, because that's where they swung, and they were really pleased at what they were looking at.

 Then there was that one who seemed to be looking at everything as if it were in a candy store, and that was the particular one that my eye caught. Hmm. Wonder why he can't settle for this one or that one. Stacy just walked past him, and she was hardly wearing anything, and you could see the drool coming out of his mouth. But then Ethan, her twin, did the same thing, and he had the same reaction. Hmm?

Everyone in their respective groups seems to have realized that they were five, and they were picking them off one by one. Before they went to the one that seemed undecided. I signaled to my group to stop whoever was heading towards that one and bring him to me. Everyone enjoyed the new prospects, and this one was going to be mine; he went without even putting up a fuss. With a big smile and given a drink, he came right to me, not realizing that I was sitting alone and watching the whole site.

“Hello,”

“ Hi. This is such a cool place. I heard that there were so many people here, wonderful outgoing people.”

“That's what you've heard.’

“Well, you can't believe everything you hear, right? They were saying that there's some really dark shit that happens out in this place, but it doesn't look like it. It looks like people who like to be a little frisky and available.”

 “Frisky and available. I like to hear that. Are you frisky and available?”

“ Well, I'll just say I'm up for anything. I have little experience. But why not? Tonight, is just for fun.”

“What's so special about tonight that you and your friends decided to wander into this place?”

“ You see the guy over there. That's Jim. It's his birthday, and we wanted to do something different. So we all heard about this place and wanted to, ah…,”

“ Wanted to pop your cherry.”

 He started laughing.” I have Miss?? We all have popped our Cherry.”

 “First of all, do not call me Miss. And secondly, have a seat. You have wandered into some place where you might not have realized what we do.”

“ I told you I know darker stuff, but that stuff is on TV. People really don't do these things.”

“ People don't do these things?” My mind was turning, I love the naïve ideas that's rolling through his head. People don't do these things, yes we do. This is delicious.

“What's your name?”

‘ Michael”

“ Michael, you can call me Diana”

“Michael, you say you have experience. You've been with quite a few women or men?”

“Is that part of the requirement of coming into this place?”

“ Not really, but I like to know what I'm dealing with.”

“Oh, so it's gonna be me you tonight?”

“Do you have any objections?”

“Um, no, you are pretty hot.”

“Thank you. There are a few things, a few rules we have to go over.”

 “ I heard about these things, too. This is so cool.”

“First off, enough with the it's so cool. And if you're going to be with me tonight, you're going to have to retain some of that energy until we're alone.”

“So what am I supposed to call you?”

“ You are going to call me Diana for now and then later on, you're going to call me
all sorts of names because I'll allow it.”

“Why would I call you all sorts of names?”

“ That's another thing you're going to stop right now, too many questions. Since this is the first time you're here, I'll be easy on you. What have you tried that's out of the norm or in the vanilla city?

“Um, I don't know, just usual stuff, you know, like lotions and stuff that heats up.”

“ So nothing. You have tried nothing.”

“ I've had sex.”

“ You keep bringing this up. Let's go back into the back already.”

“ We're going to the back.”

“ Yes, we are going to the back. And no, we are not fucking in the back. We are just going to talk. There are a lot of people here, and a lot of distractions."  As I said that, the twins walked by again, and I could swear he needed a bib.