Standing outside in tonight's air after a draining day is peaceful. Seeing the stars and moon is beautiful and smelling the air is refreshing after a day like this. I'm not suppose to be out at night with coming off a pneumonia so shhh! No one sees me! ?
Today was one of those days where I'm in my shutting down mood and the depression is trying to over take everything I have worked hard at. It's so frustrating when the depression and anxiety take over. It's even worse when you have to act like everything is okay and put that fake smile on your face. I've gotten good at doing that, it almost feels normal.
Those I have gotten close to over the past few weeks, has been amazing and I'm so thankful for that. I just know that they have others in their life and I don't want to be the downer for them. Yes I know I should let them in and let them be there for me. But talking about having suicidal thoughts is not a sexy topic to talk about. Also will they think less of me? Probably not but again I don't want to burden them with that.
I just.... I know I'm a lot to take on and I just don't want to disappoint anyone. It's hard to balance the good and bad in my head. But maybe this could be a good thing, I want this to be a good thing, I just don't want to over step anyone either and be apart of something beautiful and amazing. Hopefully in the end we can all be happy.
Violet and Hank ??