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Not Ashamed Anymore

How do you start off one of those? Do you jump in with both feet or just float there hoping for the best?

Well for along time I was floater. I was ashamed of my needs and wants. I was already an outsider to my family and feeling what I was feeling, would it make it worse?

Then I thought if I step into this life and start looking for a Daddy, would I just been seen as another girl with daddy issues.

Its hard knowing you need something so deeply and badly and know it isn't the "normal". I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, but it does scare me. But here I am jumping with two fit in and I'm hoping to find the right Daddy for me.
6 years ago. Thursday, March 14, 2019 at 12:41 AM

I know I said goodnight but I can't sleep and I think I pissed off my loves. Both are now sleeping, which I'm glad they are. They need their sleep, they both are dealing with a lot. I also know my crap is a lot to take on and I don't blame them for taking a step back. I just never thought I would get to the point where my heart hurt this much because it's filled with love and I know I'm not doing a good job at being my Submissive self and I know it's upsetting to them... 

I'm not angry, I'm just hurting... The thought that I will never see one of my best friends again, is painful and it sucks... Talking with my other friend who was injured and hearing how he blames himself is also heart breaking... 

So I'M sitting on my staircase with Hank writing all these thoughts down, because I don't have anyone else to talk to about this right now.... I'm not made of China, but I could sure use a hug and a chest to cry on.  Just to feel safe and loved for a little while ? 

 

Violet and Hank ??

 

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