My Journey finding my dream daddy dom

I am always hitting up the same websites to find my potential dream daddy dom. I get a lot of closted white intept men who seeks to scratch an itch of wanting to own a black submissive. I turn majority of them down since they give off creepy vibes. I even virtually encountered a man that I like but is too busy to give me a time or date. I want to see a daddy dom in person butI rather meet in person. My body aches for discipline and for pleasure. I want to enjoy his  stern punishment but also his rommantic caring nature when he bathes me and tends to any of the bruises.

I will be brief tonight since i have to open the store tomorrow. I paid for groceries for the dinner for Monday. I forgot the light brown sugar and couldn't find rainbow trout, so i had to settle with cornish hens instead. I talked to one dom and seems to be ok. I just really want to go on a date with doms i interact on this site but at the same time. I still want to be treated as a human being and loved for all of me not the bdsm side of me. I want to be restrained in bondage tape but afterwards rest my head on his chest watching a good tv show or game show. i read an article on here about bdsm dates. I never been on one but I would love to experience it even if it doesn't produce a secound date. It would be something to remember. I better go to sleep. I have work tomorrow.

9pm

April 8, 2026

So today I only half of what I wanted to do. I did minimal self care, used a coupon that was going to expire today and used a $10 dollar cash reward from my favorite plus size store: Torrid. I helped a guy reach climax by watching him cum on cam. He is a vouyyeurist  and took pleasure for being watched doing sexual acts. Part of me feels I should get into the industry where I help both men and women embrace their sexual urges or gratifications. Maybe go back to school and take up sexology to become  a sexologist. I don't know maybe a cam girl or working girl like they permit in the UK. I talked to three men last night. One of whom was checking up on me to see how I am doing. I wish he could just stop working so hard and just spend time with me instead. But I understand why he works hard and why I can't get close to him. Being betrayed so many times is bound to develop mistreats to other people. I keep seeing my dream dom more and more when I sleep. Falling for an image of him but looking deseperately through life for his essence. My dream daddy dom had me near his feet. He has me sucking his cock completely blindfolded, there is this buzzing noise between my legs controling when I can cum, always edging me but never letting me cum. I have hot soy wax that dried on my tits and my ass, he keeps shocking me whenever I start to slow down or pause from sucking his cock. My body begs and pleads for him to take me deeply, forcibly primal ravage my cunt. When he finally gets to cum in my mouth and he fufills my desire. I feel like I am floating on a cloud, like i am in heaven and truly madly in love with my daddy dom. I would love to be his submissive and his wife all in one. Yet again I have to wait and get myself together before I can have him.

Day 2

April 8, 2026

2:34am

I can't sleep right now due to the turmoil of the States today. I will try to be brief. Yesterday I had work just the normal closing the store. Time runs fast when you are enjoying laughs with coworkers. Anyway in the personal life, I am almost done paying off 3 of the loans and been very consistent in paying my credit cards. Mainly buying clearance items instead of the full price items. I also have been eliminating memberships I rarely use. It helps out a lot. I was sick for a few weeks so my fitness was off the table so I have to get back in the habit of it again. A male friend of mine will call Hood contacted me. He asked me why I haven't talked to him the longest. I told him I have been focused on myself and have no more words left to say for him. I can't wait for someone who expects me to put 90% of the work when you are only willing to do 10% of it. I am still seeking my dream dom sometimes I see him in my dreams. He always yanking on my red collar or he is teaching me something important but I am falling asleep from his lessons and being spanked with his big strong hands of his on my big juicy butt of mine. I wish the men in society were like the Scottish men. Especially if they act like my favorite influencer when he talks about pinning women to castle walls. I wonder how good that would feel if I was pinned on those same walls with just strappy lingerie. I better get some sleep, I need to work out in the morning and do some desperately needed self care  

I posted an ad on doublelist.com. I mostly got weirdos who wanted sex. I declined them all and even put one in their place. I choose my dom and when to submit to them. I determined if they are worthy of my submission and I am not going to yield because you demand it without providing an environment where i can be submissive. I played with myself again and didn't get any satisfaction from it. I desire to be in a certain scenario where i am being hunted and i am taken by a wild man or a Viking. It gets me wet every time. I have to wait till my dream daddy dom comes for me and makes me his. How I wish it was soon.

Today has been strange. I got caught up with a disgruntle white lady that sent me $500 dollars by accident to my banking account after i sent it back to her.I had to deal with unsatisfied morning of not having my dream dom next to me. My body craves to be trained. To be violated. To give up all control and all the secisions to someone else. I want to give my dom my heart, my soul and my spirit. I want to feel pleasure but also i want to feel hot soy wax slung on my body. I am also craving to take a transwoman as a perfect partner, perfect lover ad sisterwife . I want to make love again and enjoy being a woman again. I better go, I have work tomorrow and i am nodding of to sleep. Good night 

I had a very busy work schedule last week. I also had to do a potluck which I managed to ike out some kind of dish. I went o an arts and crafts festival. I was accompanied by my brothers. We had lunch at a pizza pub then went home. I wish I had a daddy dom who looks like Michael Mancini or Emmanuel. Hell two daddy doms would be great too but since I am inexperienced in this lifestyle. I am just going to focus on just finding one. I bought soy wax candle and some dip mixes. I can't wait to use them in my cooking. I really want to make cornish hens for dinner but also I want to cook that meal for a hard working dom. Just getting his approval and knowing he enjoys my cooking gives me so much joy. Yet I feel like the only people that i am doing serve to is feeding my brothers and participating in pot lucks. I fantasize constantly of his big hands groping my chest and bending me over the kitchen sink and taking me so hard I scream and moan for more but never going all the way until i have filled his belly. Why do i desire such men like that?

I seem to be desired yesterday. First my ex who has a severe mental illness wanted me back. A male friend i have lost touch with wants me as their modern day concubine. Another man I met will running errands wants a 24/7 house sub. Yet the one I really want has no interest in me. It is hard to find that long haired man of Asian descent. i keep seeing my late lover in my dreams wanting me, begging me to let go and release  control. I would love more than anything to give up control of my body, my soul, and my mind to a responsible respectful dom. But the ones i see are mainly fakes or they say they are doms but sound like they are trying to hard and might be a submissive deep down and not realize it. I want to act a CNC fantasy involving me being punished for acting like a bitch to them. I love to have a symbol of their love impermanently written on  my chest just to show off and right before they reach climax. They gently choke me while they fill me with their life seed. I crave it so much.I