Hello darkness, my old friend...
Well, not darkness, exactly, but I have definitely been feeling "some kind of way" about some things recently. Its kinda been messing with me. And I don't like it! Things have stirred up feelings of inadequacy, feelings of hurt and frustration, and more.
As I told a dear friend just this morning, the feelings all seem to coexist, yet it doesn't make sense in my head.
"Like on one hand I am happy for the "happy" that someone else is experiencing, yet...I still want to scream. Want to punch something, want to puke, and fall into a puddle and cry! It's ridiculous!"
She responded with truth. Her response rocked me to the center of my being, because she was right. She said
"That's not ridiculous at all. It's actually the most truth I have heard in awhile. And I believe everyone feels that way, but never admit or accept it. If that makes sense?"
Yes, it most certainly made sense. A GREAT DEAL OF SENSE. And then about an hour later I saw this posted on facebook-
I think I will also add that it doesn't matter if the other party/parties involved understand or whether they think you "have right or reason" to be upset, respond the way you do.
My friend also reminded me that for people like us, we are overly sensitive and have big hearts. We feel deeply, and all of those become a part of WHO we are. It's so true. I feel BIG....not only my own hurts, but the pain and hurts of others. It also makes me fiercely protective of others. Although, just because my experiences include getting run over by a proverbial semi-truck, doesn't mean the same will be true for the next person. (And perhaps that is better for a different blog, another day...)
These moments that make me "feel some kind of way"-I may not like them. I may not enjoy the brain tornados of feeling inadequate and small. I certainly don't like feeling "not so sparkly"- however, then I remember that the sparkle is not simply a happy, cheerful,optimistic persona. The SPARKLE is authenticity and being REAL 💖 the Sparkle is even in the anger and the hurt. the Sparkle is me....all the parts, all the pieces, all the emotions...
I stated in my profile, I would do it over again-EVERY time. And I mean that. Relationships are worth it! People are worth it! 💖
**I must also add, all of these things not only impact me. They impact me and therefore impact the way I relate to other people. My collar tag says I'm currently under consideration with a Dom. And this DIRECTLY impacted him and I'm thankful that he didn't let me work through this alone yesterday when the brain tornadoes were at their highest. He allowed me to give words to what I didn't want to give words to. And I'm very thankful 💝
