I joined Cage almost exactly 2 years ago. (April 11!) That is totally crazy to me. So much life and time has gone on in those two short years, it is almost unbelievable. I remember immediately coming and getting involved in the chatroom to learn. I had so much to learn! I used to spend so much time in "these halls", yet now i feel like i need a visitor's pass.
The other day i decided to come and read through personal ads. I do that from time to time because i just like to see what other people are looking for, how they see the world, and how they see themselves.Okay, full disclosure, sometimes I read them because i need a good laugh....truth hurts.
You can learn a great deal that way, to be honest. As i was reading through the ads, there was one that caught my attention. * A female submissive looking for a male Dom. (see, i read through ones that have nothing to do with me or what i would want. I'm not actually looking for myself!) Her ad stopped me dead in my tracks because honestly she reminded me so much of myself in another time of my life and my journey.
Get comfortable folks. it's story time. You see, when you don't realize your worth as a human being, sometimes that will lead down roads you think you should go on, but really inside it is tearing you apart. There was a time that i believed because i am a very overweight woman that i somehow deserved less than others. That the only true way to find attention, especially in a BDSM community was to believe that I deserved to be degraded and humiliated. And there are plenty of people that will jump on that shit so freaking fast! Its wicked scary to be honest! You see, there is a fine line there. I AM NOT KINK SHAMING if degredation and humiliation are your thing.
YOU DO YOU, BABYCAKES!
However, my gut told me there was more to it. So I messaged this new member, just to strike up conversation and be a welcoming person. She responded rather quickly, and i learned it was exactly as I thought. Her ad, her profile, were all written in a way that was terribly degrading NOT because she enjoyed it, but because she felt that is what she had to do and how she had to be. She was crying and pouring her heart out in messages to me about the horrible things people were saying to her in the messages. Rather how she felt with what they were saying. Their responses were possibly appropriate to the way she described herself and what she put out an ad for, how she represented herself. I will choose to believe that some of those people would be mortified if the knew she was crying and sad. Others, maybe not so much-rotten apples in every bunch! However, as a reader reminded me in a message just now, right off the bat those messages are inappropriate. They weren't taking the time to get to know HER. learning HER. So sad when people don't realize the delicate (and sexy) mental tango.
That was her very first day on Cage. It was also her last day. She deleted her profile. She may be back, i hope she does come back. If she does, i hope she can be her authentic self. Girlfriend, it doesn't matter if you are thin or really really really large, you are a person first! If humiliation and degredation aren't your thing, they NEVER EVER have to be a part of your journey. If you want to, hey,the world is your proverbial oyster, have at it!
I have seen some pretty amazing degredation and humiliation scenes at the Dungeon. I continue to toy around with the thought in my head, but it isn't likely. I am so sparkly and sensitive, i think it would just hurt my heart. However, i'm not closing the door completely.....time will tell!
Stay sparkly, friends.
