The Grump is Here

That's a fecking good question. 

Too good maybe !

Should I run now before the mask slips or will I see how long I can get away with it.

Feck it. 

I'm not running, I've nothing to run from. 

I don't care what others see me as or think of me as a Dom I know myself and I've made perfect peace with that. 

So why am I a Dom.

It came naturally to me I didn't court it I didn't research it and say ok I'll be this , in fact I didn't know it existed back then nevermind it existed within me. 

I have asked myself many times where this Dom that I am came from how was he born who made him this way and I've banged my head against many walls trying to come up with answers reasons solutions to me being a Dom and I have never found out why fully. 

Is it because I can't let go control that I have to be in charge so I can contain myself ? Nah.  I'm not a narcissist my empathy runs string through me. 

Am I a Dom because I like the attention ? Who fucking doesn't like attention when it's right and makes you feel good!

I'm a Dom because it is who I am. 

I was looking at my writings of late and I noticed oh boy , am I just a right ould grumpy fuck indeed ! 

Honestly though that's the thing I'm not a grump , really I'm not. I will write what I feel and think and what involves me and ahh shite now there's too much grumping going on here. 

I know I'm usually Mr Brightside  and this place has taken some of my sparkle away and I'm not allowing that to be my definition. 

I'm a happy chappy I like humour like bringing it into my BDSM which I know can freak out some ( yes I see the irony freaks freaking out haha ). 

So for those who have shown some really brilliant judgement in reading my writings ( yes your payments are in the post) ask me for my no shame stupid jokes and see the terrible terrible ones I have in my joke pouch. 

Oh and I'm not responsible for you never wanting to hear a joke again because I have destroyed by our confidence in them. 

When did I get things so wrong ! 

I mean I'm no slouch I do try and keep up.

I read.

I listen.

However I still get it so wrong at times I have to go away in a corner and have words with meself get me to cop on a bit , a good kick up the arse should do it. 

Hmm .

I'm running out of corners and my self arse kicking is getting tiresome so I need another way to figure this out. 

You see when I read words written by someone I know and understand the words what they mean. I then observe the context in which these words are written , for example : now that's a fine pair - if looking at two gobshites in a pub I get what the words said , if looking directly  at a woman's chest well the words meaning is clear again. 

So.

When on a kink orientated website specifically aimed at kinks their many different things and the people involved in them. You assume that the words written are what is meant as it's a specific place so the context is built in without having to second guess , right !

I'd like to think so and with my understanding of words written I feel I am almost ensured that when it says : now that's a fine pair it's going to be fairly self explanatory ......

Nope. 

What I'm seeing instead is words written by someone that does maybe not understand what the words are they have written or are just playing the bullshit card , my guess is the bullshit card. 

Frustration. Pissed off. Exhausted. Exasperated. No longer tolerant. Words I've written that explain pretty much how I feel about the bullshit. 

Still something always wades through the bullshit and presents itself as written , oh thank you thank you. 

I do not have armor 

I do not have superpowers

I lack the strong muscles

I will never wield a weapon 

I will put my arms around you kiss your forehead 

Use my self to deflect hurt aimed at you 

No matter the faults you think lie within you 

Your beauty is mine to see 

Not all is what it seems !

Looking in the window you can not see everything just what is available to view.

There's the old saying of " never judge a book by it's cover " and they are wise words but are they always correct ?

No.

Sometimes the book cover is just as good or as bad as the story within. 

As my years advance and life gives me experiences whether I ask for them or not I have find myself learning on a daily basis. 

I learn about myself every day.

I learn about my position in this world every day. 

I have stopped learning in some areas of life through no more interest or I no longer can tell fact from fiction that my sense of well being just tells me directly to not bother especially if it affects my calmness within. 

My calmness that I have worked very hard to get and now maintain I protect with a robustness that to my surprise has offended some,  because I may label myself in here as this or that does not mean it's switched on 24/7 and it's certainly not for others entertainment without the work . 

If I see something in here that sparks my interest there is nothing more disappointing to find out it's all bullshit. 

So some see me as just that, bullshit. Ok it's their free choice to think that as it is mine but don't put a label on unless you are willing to wear it to own it and to understand it otherwise I will call bullshit. 

The title is a reference to a song from my youth that had a funk to it and always gave me a giggle when I heard it.  It's about the ordinary little things in life and how they can bring cheer just by simply being. 

Today my life is full of ups downs and in-betweens and I often look back at how when I was young I was so carefree without working on it. BDSM as I grew older it strangely gave me that carefree feeling. Perhaps it was the knowing how my kinks didn't smoothly fit into society norms that gave me a carefree sense of happiness . I knew I wanted to be the square peg in the round hole from an early age and BDSM gave me the tools to explore myself my mind my feelings beyond any constrictions of society without giving me away so to say. 

When I see a submissive female her body language her eyes looking lost because she has to be in control when all she wants is to let go I get excited knowing she exists. These ordinary things in life can thrill can arouse can make my mind run amok with images of my thoughts.  

I embrace my kinks , my well honed kinks as they fit me like a glove. They recharge my batteries when I'm running low , they provide me comfort when I think of them. I am protective of them , I want to share them and yet I fear them being dismissed or diminished because they could be different or odd or wtf. When I get used as a human dildo like what has happened recently my kinks have difficulty recharging my mind, my contentment levels drop and I begin to not notice the small things the reasons to be cheerful. 

And then there is hope. 

Hope.

Always a door will open .

I just need to push sometimes .

Find the door that will open .

Hope and I will once more find the reasons to be cheerful .. part 3 ! 

Once again I give. 

Once more it's taken from me another bit of my spirit is chipped away. 

Why!

How!

You're a Dom you get everything you want don't you ? 

Surely that's why you're a Dom to get what you want ?

No!

And no , fuck no.

Easter eggs, chocolate, bunnies, baskets and purple 💜 oh how I like to see the little butt plug bunny tail wiggle and wiggle in delighted glee at being given attention .....

Soft and  gentle her bare skin 

My hands glide and slide 

The nape of her neck her chin 

Her moans from within 

Across her shoulders smooth round 

Down her arms her hands open 

I hear once more her sound 

Tones of desires hoping 

Across her belly navel indent 

Whsips of soft hairs tickle me 

Through her body pulses are sent 

As my mouth envolpes her pussy