It’s been nearly a month of contemplation around this question:
What does a dominant owe a submissive, and what does a submissive owe a dominant within an exchange of power?
I thank everyone for their contributive thoughts. I’ve heard many perspectives, and I don’t claim this to be a universal truth. But at the core of power exchange, this is what I believe:
A submissive chooses the relationship and the dynamic over their ego. They set aside defensiveness, control, and pride in order to offer trust and vulnerability.
A dominant chooses the relationship and the dynamic over their ego. They set aside image, authority for its own sake, and the need to be right in order to offer responsibility and care.
Without this mutual willingness to place the bond above ego, a power exchange is inherently unstable.
Yes, there are dynamics where a dominant maintains ego and selfishness and a submissive endures that. Those dynamics may work for some people. But this is not a judgment of others. It is simply the truth I have learned about myself.
For me, power exchange without mutual ego-surrender is not intimacy. It is imbalance and will always fail.