subtle thoughts

You say you want someone 100% passive.

So you want a doormat? Someone who will agree to whatever you want? You don’t understand that submission is an active choice. That makes it all the more sweeter because while the sub is fully capable of saying no but says yes because they choose to. They have agency. Then you know you are worthy of their submission and only then.

Try reading a book on power exchange.

Try attending a class. 

Education is sexy af.

I thought I would post this as a writing. This was a comment responding to the question, how has your understanding of submission evolved?

 
I think I’ve learned that there is so much responsibility in true submission. One must be self aware, transparent, honest. Submission requires deference not simply giving up control.

True, every dynamic will be different based on the people and what is negotiated but I believe the above are the foundation. I think we take these things for granted sometimes. I think we say, I want to submit and it takes work without understanding that it can be very challenging to sustain.

I recently posed the question, what does a dominant “owe” their submissive? If we can set aside semantics, I think that there is an expectation at the very least that both people owe the other honesty and clear communication, consistency and respect. But to deliver these things takes work and many relationships, mine included, have suffered from their absence.

Submission is not just being told what to do. Dominance is not just being a dictator. But it feels like sometimes people posture as if it is.

Just my take.