I've long believed in the mantra of "Don't try to change somebody else". That we should never get into a relationship thinking "I can fix them" or "this person has potential". I think it's unfair both to ourselves and to the "has potential" other person/people, and creates impossible expectations.
However - a while ago I attended a three-and-a-half hour intensive session on "Behaviour Modification". Which made me think - is this somehow more acceptable to me within a consensual D/s dynamic?
The throwaway answer is, of course, "sure, as long as it's consensual", but I feel like there's more to it than that.
To some extent I think it's fair to say that the D side of a dynamic _is_ effectively moulding the S side to fit their preferences. Teaching them how they prefer things done, defining protocols to their liking, enforcing certain behaviour standards, the list goes on.
So why is it now suddenly okay?
After some consideration, the way I'm currently reconciling this with my "don't try to change someone" belief is twofold.
Firstly, I think many D/s related changes are often more surface-level: how someone dresses, or speaks, or behaves. Their "core self" - their personal morals, their belief system, their values, their inherent "goodness" as a person - is not being modified. They're still the same person, which is a good thing, since that is presumably one of the things which sparked initial interest.
Secondly, I think that one's "core self" does change over time, for both sides of the slash, just like in a vanilla egalitarian relationship. Both friends and partners undoubtedly have an influence over each other's "core self", for better or for worse. Within the confines of a D/s dynamic however, I think there's the possibility for this gradual change to be done _intentionally_ rather than by happenstance. With care and communication, as opposed to through peer pressure, or worse, through unspoken expectations and toxicity.
The other thought which comes to mind as I write this is that perhaps this is one of the ways in which I differentiate the often nebulous concepts of D/s and M/s. When I consider modification of a submissive's "core self" in a consensual M/s - or "total authority transfer" / "TAT" - context, my gut reaction is that it feels a lot more acceptable.... yet still something to be approached with the utmost caution, and with a high potential for emotional damage if not done carefully and consensually.