I've seen a few posts lately along the lines of the below (paraphrased and modified to be gender-neutral):
> A mature Dominant doesn’t need your submission to feel like a dominant
> If you need a submissive such that it will cause you to change your behaviour to keep them, you are not being dominant.
Basically, the idea that if your dominance depends on another's submission, that this is BAD.
I'm not sure I agree.
See, my dominance doesn't come naturally. I'm not naturally someone who will exude an aura of authority. I'm someone who needs to build confidence slowly but surely through "doing", whether that be with a skill or with a particular person.
If you encounter me in a work environment then yes, I might present with some authority - I've had almost 30 years of byulding my expertise and confidence there.
If you meet me for the first time at a munch, though? Honestly, I suspect most people meeting me in person assume I'm a submissive.
Sure, I read power exchange books, I go to classes. But while these can teach broad psychological concepts and physical skills, when it comes to a dynamic, every person is unique. And by extension every D/s or M/s dynamic is unique.
So not only theoretical learning, but even learning from past dynamics - that's only a small part of the picture. Because with a new person? Everything could change. Different background, different things which motivate them, different experience levels, different triggers. I think that the majority of learning within any dynamic comes from experience within that dynamic itself.
The way I view D/s (which I acknowledge is not in any way universal) is that my dominance only works with a compatible submissive. And vice versa - submission only works with a compatible dominant. They're two halves of a whole.
My "dominance" is absolutely going to change from person to person, because a decision I'd make for one submissive might be very different from what I'd decide for another. Just like if a submissive came to me insisting on using all the protocols from their previous dynamic, that wouldn't work either.
And if I think about what dominance without a dynamic looks like? I think of that new manager who struts into a workplace issuing orders blindly and bullying anyone who asks questions into leaving. I think of the person at a restaurant who loudly sneers and sighs when they have to wait for a table.
All of this is to say: I think my dominance DOES depend on another's submission. Not because I lack self-assurance or because I need to feel an ego boost, but because my dominance only counts for anything within the context of another's submission. "Dominance" on its own feels like... giving orders to a pillow.