I read a post earlier this week about how the author found submission to be extremely therapeutic. As always, my mind went straight to the parallels which I get from the left side of the slash.
I've written about this before many times, but I also find D/s dynamics to be incredibly soothing mentally. Thinking about the "why" of it a little more, one of the reasons is the lack of lack of ego involved.
Which... sounds odd, I know, in a world of big belt buckle "doms" (of any gender) and their cosmic sized egos.
But consider this.
I work in an industry rife with people who are employed based on their knowledge of things that other people don't yet know. And as such, people who have likely been told for a good part of their life how smart, how great they are. Which has a tendency to inflate egos in much the same way as a pipe bomb inflates a letterbox.
So as a result, every little thing is now a competition. Point out a different way of doing things? That's an attack on someone's intelligence. Make a suggestion about a lunch venue? Be prepared for a bombardment of BETTER suggestions. Someone finds a mistake in your document? Immediately escalate to the most senior person you can, otherwise you might be exposed as having MADE A MISTAKE 😱. Or failing that, at least talk really loudly until the person recants their heinous remarks.
And this extends outside of work environment, too. Just look at, well, basically any conversation thread on the Internet. Or any Australian politician. Or certain non-Australian presidents. Not to mention the fact that I have a 6 year old son.
It's so, so, so exhausting.
Whereas in the context of a negotiated D/s dynamic... I feel like actions and words now come from choice, rather than from ego. I'm leading because that is what has been mutually agreed, not to prove that I'm "better", or to show that I'm "right", or to hide one of the many, many areas in which I lack competence. And another person is following my direction for the same reason - they're not constantly looking to second guess me, or to prove that my decision wasn't perfect, or to play some kind of 7 dimensional political chess.
It's so much of a breath of fresh air that even within established dynamics, I've still often felt surprised when I've said something and had it just happen. It says something about just how prevalent the ego-driven thing is in society that I actively expect pushback for every little thing.
Which is one of the the reasons I find the apparent influx of big-belt-buckled-shouty-dom personas so irksome. Because it's bringing ego into one of my few safe havens _without_ it.
Honestly, and I know I risk falling into one-true-way territory here, I don't personally think that ego has a place in D/s. At best, it's distasteful. At worst, it's downright dangerous.