I have been doing some inner construction, measuring, cutting away, adding to, feng-shuing. As with most everything, I need to see it in writing. Things get jumbled up in my head and I lose track of where I am in the process or what I was working on. I need to be able to go back to it and reread it. I need it in black and white.
Habits to change:
1 Being afraid to say no to people. They do what I allow them to and only I can set and keep my boundaries.
2 Being afraid to walk away. Not everyone is made to fit into my life. Waiting for them to become what I need is a waste of time.
3 Being afraid that I don't deserve good things or good treatment. I deserve to be important and loved, and made to feel those things without question.
4 Being afraid that I am not enough. I have some very wonderful qualities that make me a great person.
5 Being afraid to be true to myself and not conform to what others want me to be. I will never be happy if I am not truly myself and always have to play a part.
Why do I do these things?
I noticed that each one started with "being afraid". I am afraid to hurt other people's feelings and not worry about what it does to me. I feel guilty for upsetting or inconveniencing anyone no matter how it affects me. I am worried that people will see that I am not worth the time and effort that I need, so I don't give them the opportunity to get close.
What happens if I change these habits?
I will attract the right people for me, the ones that will be proud of me for this. I will have true friends and loved ones that will respect my boundaries and love me for who I am and what I offer to the relationship. I will be freely given the same love and care that I give. They will build me up and help me when I stumble.
I will lose the toxic and fake people. The ones that prey on my weakness will tire of me and move on. Their true nature will shine through and I will see them for what they really are. I am so much better off without them anyway, so why worry about pissing them off.
So here it is. I WILL NO LONGER LIVE IN FEAR! I will stand my ground and love with my whole heart. I will allow others to really see me and decide where they fit into my life by their actions. I will allow others to love and care for me as I deserve to be loved and cared for.
