I am reading a book that has so many points that hit home for me. I am starting a chapter about the difference in kink and abuse. When I decided that I wanted a D/s relationship, I did a bit of soul searching. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just repeating the past because it is all that I knew. My conclusion was that the difference for me is the intent and motives of my Dom when he provides what I crave.
The goal in the past was to make it through the day without confrontation, always afraid of what would happen if I angered anyone. There can be quite a few similarities in kink and abuse at times, depending on how you view it. Of course, that is different for each of us. Name calling, control, and pain are the big ones for me.
Name calling in the past was to tear me down and make me feel worthless. Control was to show me how helpless I was to do anything on my own accord. Pain was doled out without consent or thought of damage.
Now for me, name calling during play makes me feel desired and wanted. "My whore" or "my slut" is possessive and why would you want to possess me if I wasn't worthy. Control is now a way for you to help me with self care and over all well being. You help take stress off of me by making decisions for me so I can be happy in following while knowing that you have my best interest in mind. And pain is given because you wish to excite me and know that just the right mix of pain and pleasure gives me the most exquisite orgasm.
My definitions are changing with this journey that I am on. My boundaries and expectations have moved. Things are not what they used to be and they certainly don’t affect me like they once did. I glance back and see how far I’ve come. I look ahead and anticipate the future and what is in store for me. I read and learn more every day about this lifestyle.
