Sorting Myself

TakenLower - Goodness I know how you feel. I think it’s best to move towards a different you. Every experience we have changes us in some way, big or small. There is nothing wrong with not being the person you used to be because it’s a completely normal part of human progression. I would often beat myself up saying “I used to be so such and such.” And I realized that I was dwelling on my past and not accepting my present. I would say to find something that brings you joy, make a list and try to do one of those things every day. When you start thinking about what you were change it to what you will be. I hope that helps!

Bleiz​(sub female) - You make a good point. I think my problem is I hate change. I hate the unknown. I like your idea of making a list. I'm going to do that. Thank you so much!

Kelpi - Time does not heal all pains it just dulls it to where we can bear it and move on. 10/01/1990 I asked the woman I gave my heart to if she would marry me. She asked for time as she was not well and needed surgery. On 10/31/1990 she was taken from this world. It was 5 years before I moved on and found someone else. Since then she has been in my thoughts less each year but om 10/31 I drink to forget that I will never have the no that would have made it easier to lose her. Losing a friend is hard but never knowing is a black hole of pain.
After many years of knowing what pain is I ask you simply why do you give him so much power over you? Yes he tore you down past the bare bones and the last of the raw nerve but it is time to take back who you are and find the new and better you that is in you and wanting to be born. This is not a rebirth of who you where but the birth of who you will be. A better stronger woman who is more worthy of love and than any will be able to see. Fear not there will be one who will see it and follow the glow you give off to find a new heart ready to be filled with love and joy.
Do not take just anyone be careful to watch for those who will want to fool you again. You will know him not by his words but by his deeds. Anyone can pick up a sword and play knight but look not behind you for the one you seek but ahead. When you are threatened and you can not see your enemy then you have found the one you need for he will be in front of you protecting the heart and love he has come to claim and cherish. Friends will have your back good friends will stand beside you but only the one who holds your life above their own will stand between you and anything that seeks to harm you.
Time does not heal the heart but the love you get and give will erase all scares when it is true and honest.

Tal
Kelpi

Bleiz​(sub female) - I'm so sorry for your loss, Kelpi. You gave me a lot to think on. I didn't realize I was giving him so much power over me until recently. I'm going to need to do a lot of self reflection. Thank you for sharing your story and for commenting.

Bunnie - I went back. I focused on going back to find the essence of who I was before. It took a lot of time and healing before that option even came to mind though, because I had blazed a bit of a trail afterwards, trying to outrun it all. I realised I was so miserable because I had lost something back there, and I realised I needed it to move forward. Hope.
Something surprising happened. I found pieces of myself I had forgotten. I picked them up and carry them with me again. It’s a slow process, but it has been working much better for me than trying to simply push myself forward. I am beginning to feel happy again at times… just because. There are even glimpses of feeling like I can finally let go of the past.
It’s a weird feeling. As someone who hates looking back and absolutely abhors the thought of going backwards, although in all appearances it looks that way, somehow it feels more like I’m making amends within myself. I’m still taking my “newer” and more wise parts of myself back, which allows for a completely new perspective. So, I see now that even feeling like I stepped backwards was still a step in a new direction. It turned out to be the right direction for me.
It may not be for you, but I wanted to share to let you know that sometimes there can be options that seem out of the question (it was for me), that can surprise us. I hope you can find your hope again, because I know exactly how that feels and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. *big hugs*

Bleiz​(sub female) - Thank you for sharing, Bunnie. Hope. That's something I haven't thought about in a very long time. I think that's exactly where I need to start. Your response was wonderful, thank you again. *Hugs*

Purple Freesia - grieving who we once were, especially when its someone else that seemed to tear us apart and undo the work we put in - the only thing that worked and continues to work for me is realizing I can't go back to the past, time has passed and I am a different person that I was before. With that brings experience and wisdom and the pie crust promise we won't make the same mistake twice....hope this helps...

Bleiz​(sub female) - It really does! Thank you!

First Class Dom​(dom male){I'm real } - The previous responses who summed it up very well...

Don't look backwards, you're not going that way!

You learn from your mistakes, yes some can be very painful. However you are stronger than you realize. Just because you would like to be a submissive doesn't mean you're weak either.

Stay Golden

Bleiz​(sub female) - Thank you for the kind words