A couple days ago marked my one year anniversary of coming to the cage. After taking a few years of learning and trying to understand myself … I took that first step towards actively pursuing and searching for what I want for myself. I wouldn't change a thing, because I've learned so much.
As I’ve mentioned before, I had no idea then where this road would lead. I hoped it would lead me to meeting people who had the same kinds of thoughts and needs and cravings as I did. I hoped it would lead me to finding that one special person who wanted to share in this life and life in general with.
Where it lead me to … has been more than I could ever imagine. It has definitely lead me to a whole new world of self-discovery. A world of meeting some amazing people, some are acquaintances, some are good friends and some have become so close to my heart that I cannot imagine my life without them in it, ever. I believe that fate, karma, whatever/whoever you want to call it, brings people into our lives at a certain time for a reason.
Some people are just for a time, to help us learn from them or just enjoy their company. And that’s okay.
Sometimes, it is for longer. Sometimes, the people brought into our lives are there to help us grow as a person and learn more and understand ourselves better.
Because when we learn and understand ourselves more, we tend to be more understanding and tolerant of others, who are also on their own journey of self-discovery. Some are exciting and exhilarating. Some of what we learn are difficult, hard realizations. But I do believe that even the difficult, hard realizations help us learn. They help us to either learn how to change a particular thought, or behaviour.
But they can also help us come to more realistic expectations for ourselves. It helps us come to accept our realities. Doesn’t mean things may not change, but I’m a firm believer of trying not to set myself up for failure.
Sometimes, easier said than done, believe me, I know. Our hopes, wishes and dreams for ourselves allow us to test the waters, take those steps to see how far we can go. Some paths take us further than others. Some come to dead-ends.
That is when we have to decide to either sit down and give up and stay at that dead-end, or turn around and find a new path. The people we meet and our experiences on that path, teach us, help us in order to know what is realistic and what is not, when we start out on yet another new path.
Then, there are people brought into our lives, where our souls connect. These are the people who take up residence in our hearts and will remain forever there. And for most, the number of people who reach this level of connection are few in numbers.
Whether they are to be involved in our lives physically or emotionally for a long or short time is pre-determined.
But, your connection and their presence in your life have such a profound effect, they will forever remain connected. Your souls will remain connected forever, regardless of geography or circumstance.
These are the people who help us define who we become as people. The things we feel and learn from them are life-altering. They are the people who make an imprint on your heart. We want to keep them there, keep them in our lives. When that is not to be, the pain is almost unbearable to feel that separation, but they will forever remain in our hearts, in that very special place.
I see how far I’ve come in this last year, I see the changes in me. I see more acceptance in myself and who I am. Both inside and out. I’ve learned so much about myself. But I also see how far I still have to go. One day, hoping to always feel brave and courageous, not letting fear hold me back.
Right now, I wonder if anything I want for myself will ever happen, it feels disheartening sometimes. Because I want more, need more for myself.
Feel like I’m losing my way a little right now and trying to find my balance. Hope is frail but it’s hard to kill. It’s easy to give in to your fears, when you're blinded by it and can't see the way, through the rain. But there is a small, resilient voice in me that says, hope is very near. "Courage is not the absence of fear ... but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear". I have tried to live my life with this belief.
There can be miracles … When you believe … I want to believe.
I want to believe that I can be unbreakable … I will have all I want, all I need … and that is, to know I am all someone wants and needs ... to make them unbreakable. To say and hear the words "I'm here to stay".
Guess we'll see what the next year will hold.
Unbreakable – by Shane Filan
She finds it hard to trust someone
She's heard the words 'cause they've all been sung
She's the girl in the corner, She's the girl nobody loved
But I can't, I can't, can't stop thinking about you every day
And you can't, you can't, you can't listen to what people say
They don't know you baby, Don't know that you're amazing
But I'm here to stay I'm here to stay
When you lose your way and the fight is gone
Your heart starts to break and you need someone around now
Just close your eyes while I put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
She stands in the rain, just to hide it all
If you ever turn around, I won't let you fall down now
I swear I'll find your smile then put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
'Cause she's the girl that I never had, She's the heart that I wanted bad
The song I heard on the radio, That made me stop and think of her
And I can't, I can't, I can't concentrate anymore
And I need, I need, need to show her what her heart is for
It's been mistreated badly, Now her world has started
Falling apart
Falling apart
When you lose your way and the fight is gone
Your heart starts to break and you need someone around now
Just close your eyes while I put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
She stands in the rain, just to hide it all
If you ever turn around, I won't let you fall down now
I swear I'll find your smile then put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
You need to know, that somebody's there, all the time
I'd wait in line and I hope it's your, I can't walk away 'til your heart knows
That it's beautiful oh I hope you know, It's beautiful
When you lose your way and the fight is gone
Your heart starts to break and you need someone around now
Just close your eyes while I put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
She stands in the rain, just to hide it all
If you ever turn around, I won't let you fall down now
I swear I'll find your smile then put my arms around you
And make you unbreakable
