I am on a 4-day vacation, well a stay-cation, but it is nice to have some extended down time, and hours that needed to be used at work. I spent the entire first day sleeping, I woke at 3:20 pm and could not for the life of me tell if it was am or pm, it looked the same ( I work night shift, so my days are nights and my nights are days)
I lingered in the shower sipping my coffee. Yes, I took a beverage into the shower with me, I enjoyed the warmth of my coffee and the warmth of the water washing over my body. Scrubbing, shaving, shampooing, soaking. Cozy clothes were slipped into and onto the couch to camp out to watch a couple episodes of Lucifer., with the dog cuddled next to me.
Laundry tumbling, dishes done, candles burning and lights down low, soft music playing in all the rooms. I nest in front of the computer and edit a book I am writing. I do my best writing at 3 a.m., my little house surrounded by darkness.
I ran my fingers through my hair and thought “it is time”, I turned on some heavier music, feeling the beat and the words. I picked up the clippers, selected the guard, looked in the mirror, nodded and lifted the clippers to my head. Such a freeing feeling, shedding a layer of fear and doubts. I felt so much lift from my chest, tears ran down my face. I felt that I now can focus again. I again looked into the mirror and saw myself, a tear streaked face, puffy eyes, and bits of hair stuck all over me, and I… smiled.