I have at the ripe old new age of 51, have accepted that I will never be skinny. Thin, flat stomached, thigh gaped, size 2. Hell, I will never be a size 4, 6,8,10, or 12. For my entire life I have fought my body, hating it from probably fourth or fifth grade on, that being 1984 to just recently.
My entire adolescence I was either overfed or underfed. I would me yelled at for not eating all on my plate, to being yelled at FOR eating all on my plate. and was always called chunky, hefty, plus sized. I was taught that the attractive girls were a size 2 and below. I was taught that value was in being smaller.
Oh how I remember the commercials for Special K cereal and the Pinch an Inch ad they ran, along with Sizzelean. Slimfast shakes. all the diet pills that would flash across the screen, Dexitrim. The Fat Free craze that swept the nation - Snackwells cookies.
I learned real quick that skinny equaled- popular, attractive. I wanted to be that so badly. I would sit on my bedroom floor and see the small amount of tummy roll over my waist and thought- could I cut it off with a pair of scissors?!! ( please know that I never attempted to do something like that- just an intrusive thought)
I grew up having cute clothes, but they were always, always a size or 2 small. It was a way for my Mommy Dearest to control my self-worth (that is another blog on its own ).
I was a very active child, running wild across the prairies of Kansas. swimming everyday of summer, riding my bike, playing summer softball. then sports in school. I loved and still love weightlifting. oh how I love the power to move weight. I look back now and see that I was a very fit kid, muscular and strong. I was just thick. my Volga German beet farmer trying to survive a famine genetics were prevalent in my body structure. I'm short, solid and will hold the line.
Skipping to the now. I am who I am, and I love who I am. I try everyday to improve my life. I take a selfie of myself everyday. I show off who I am. I show off the skin that is scared and marked. I Ride daily, I lift daily, I stretch daily. I kick ass daily. I wear the mid drifts, I wear the bikinis.
I will never be skinny nor will I be 100 pounds. I will be strong and muscular and proud to be me.