A few days ago I received a message asking me about toys and what a new sub male might need. After some discussion, and permission from him to share, here are some thoughts on toys that could be of benefit to all, regardless of role.
My first thought when asked what toys are needed...
Absolutely nothing. Toys are not a requirement and I personally have no expectation that a sub partner will have anything or need anything to be able to participate in play. It is easy to get carried away with purchases, toys are all so shiny and exciting...Who doesn't love new toys? But do not let them define you. You are not a better sub or better serve a Dom/me partner based on the size of your toy collection. Do not let your toys define you.
So when should you buy a toy? How do you decide what to get?
These are very personal questions that I can't answer for you. Shop based on your interests and what speaks to your soul. When you are shopping and you reach out and touch something and you think "YES! I want that against my skin!", that is a good toy purchase. If you make a purchase for something that doesn't connect with you, a purchase you make because you think you need it but you are emotionally indifferent, that may become an item you do not use.
All that said, here are some practical thoughts on toys. As an impact and sensory player, I have a significant toy collection. I make all my purchases with one of two thoughts in mind. I am either purchasing it with a specific person in mind or I am purchasing it with the intent of adding it to my bag likely becoming a multiple person item. In my opinion, the consideration of single versus multiple person use is most important. If you are shopping for you this is probably a non issue, but if your item may be used on others consider cleaning, material type or if that is even possible with that item. For example, my suede flogger is one of my favorites but almost impossible to sanitize, thus I am cautious with how I use it. It is a risk that I minimize where I can and the fact they my toys are multi-owner is part of my negotiation with new partners. My advice to people shopping for toys is to start with items that you would want to be one owner items. Some examples could be cock rings, chastity devices, anything insertable, sharps (though not exactly beginner level toys. Please seek training for blood or sharps play.)
Also one final thought on toys. Consider that every dynamic is different and your partner may have specific interests in toys that could take you both in a different direction than what you have considered. You may spend a lot of money on a great collection of toys that don't interest your next partner. That is why you must purchase for you. If an evolving dynamic take you other exciting places, that is great, but very hard to prepare for. Remember that toys are just an aid to support the dynamic that is already there. They do not create the power exchange they just assist you and your partner in getting to the emotional, physical and psychological space that you both are looking for.
