Rewind to about 10 months ago, I'm digging around on the internet for fun kink stuff and I find an ad for this new site called The Cage. Wondering if I should join/not join, and why I haven't heard of it, concerned about the legitimacy, etc. I finally say "What the hell" and just go for it. Still a little concerned about the people and authenticity, my first profile is vauge, mostly talking about my desire to be a part of a genuine kink community and to learn and make friends. Within a day or two, I get a message from someone introducing himself. He assured me that The Cage was a genuine and safe place for kink and that I was welcome to contact him if I needed anything or just wanted to chat. That one little message has led to an amazing friendship and paved the way for self development that I didn't expect to find.
In light of my own experience and realizations, I want to share why mentors are so important.
A good mentor will remind you when you are not crazy - There are always times of stress when dealing with people; emotions, confusion, misunderstanding. You can sulk and stew and cry and be angry, maybe with yourself, maybe with others, but it is invaluable to have someone say "I bet you are pissed. I would be too". The reminder that you are not being emotionally reactive or unreasonable in a situation where you can't talk to just anyone is priceless.
A good mentor will remind you when you ARE crazy - Yes, folks. It happens to all of us. Hopefully your mentor is more subtle than just telling you outright that you're nuts, generally in the form of asking tactful questions like "Why do you think you should do that?" or "That's good, but what do you think about trying it like this?" When you are learning, a second set of eyes is never a bad thing.
Collaboration with someone that shares your enthusiasm might be the most fun I have ever had. When you have two intelligent people, always with ideas to offer, brainstorming a session with a brainstorming session always ends well, trust me.
Finally, having a support network in a good mentor is a huge boost to confidence. You can bounce ideas off eachother, discuss thoughts, and you can approach a partner with more confidence and consideration. There is a good chance your mentor will share ideas and perspective that never crossed your mind and you will be a better person because off it.
Though mentorship is often seen as more important in "D" types, in my opinion, "s" type mentorship is even more so. "s" types have their own challenges and deserve to have the experience to lean on just as anyone else. Many of these values are of universal benefit to all regardless of role.
All this said, does not discount the obvious advantage of being able to glean information based on someone else's experience. This doesn't have to be a person in a mentor role. We all make mistakes and those that have been active in the community the longest have that tacit knowledge that you just can't put a price on...until you make the mistake yourself...then that value is painfully apparent. This experience is all around us, in places you don't necessarily think about, and doesn't require mentorship. Discuss, collaborate and be open minded.
