Here is a little advice from me to you on how to not end up on a woman's ignore list. I feel that I speak for most women on these matters, however, if you are sub or switch male looking for a Domme partner I caution you to pay particular attention. Some of this may seem ridiculous, but trust me, it obviously needs to be said.
#1. DON'T SEND DICK PICS.
This is probably the fastest way to being blocked. I know men are proud of their manhood, but women are generally not impressed. Most women have met enough dicks to know that even a nice one isn't worth it without other redeeming qualities. One of my favorite quotes: "A big dick is a bore if it is attached to a big dick"...All kidding aside, this is sexual harassment and is illegal just about everywhere. Don't do it unless she has requested it.
#2. DON'T ENGAGE IN MESSAGE ONSLAUGHT
Do not send message, after message, after message, when they are going unanswered. I offer two thoughts on this. First, there may be a good reason for the delay, like she took a phone call, forgot to log off, is writing a blog post, or even has a life to live. Second, it is just plain annoying, and difficult to communicate in such a way. Respect her time, and actions.
#3. DON'T MAKE RIDICULOUS AND DESPERATE PROFESSIONS IN YOUR FIRST MESSAGE.
Examples "Mistress, command me", "I long to be your personal save", "I need to be owned" etc.
While I can't speak for all women, I highly doubt this works...ever. I actually care about chemistry, compatability, and like interests in and out of BDSM, and the fact that you don't is a monumental turn off. Another qualifier for this category...offering to relocate or move in with me immediately.
#4. DON'T USE FOUL, VULGAR OR OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE
Men are often surprised at what Domme women, or women in general, find offensive. We (as women) are fully aware of all the ways you want to use our bodies for your satisfaction. If you can't get your message across without perversive speech, don't bother to say it. Keep in mind, sex may not be her motivator. She may just want to talk, meet people, make friends, or other non sexual interactions.
#5. DON'T BEG OR BARTER.
This is in the context of initial consideration to be in a dynamic with her. Her word is law. If she doesn't want you, there is a good reason.
#6. DON'T NEGLECT YOUR PROFILE OR HERS.
If I get a message that does not violate any of the above criteria, I will read every bit of someone else's profile. This is your opportunity to make a first impression. If you don't care about that, you can't expect me to be impressed. Additionally, I have chosen to include important information in my profile including what I am looking for, if I'm even looking, and what I don't want. Reading it before you message could save you a lot of time and may actually give us something to talk about.
#7. DON'T USE PET NAMES.
It is never ok to call me, or any Domme, names like "Baby", "Gorgeous", "Honey/Hun", "Girl", "Sweety" or anything of the like. Some girls my like this, and that is ok. Talking to a Domme woman like that is a really bad idea. You risk coming off as exceedingly condesending.
#8. DON'T SEND ME MESSAGES WITH SHALLOW OFFERS TO TOP ME.
If you are a Dom male, please respect my role. I have no interest in subbing for a Dom, and such a shallow advance is frankly offensive.
*exceptions are genuine, non sexual, offers of friendship, collaboration, mentorship, or the like.
Here are a couple of DOs (which my end up as a more detailed blog post)
Prove you are capable of intelligent and intellectual conversation.
As questions, or better yet ask permission to ask questions.
Prove you are willing to observe and respect her limits.
Forget everything you have learned from Femdom porn.
Remember that character and personality matter.
Before readily dismissing all this as pretentious, feminist bullshit please consider what I'm really asking. These are some standards for general respectable behavior. Just because you are on a kink site doesn't mean respectable conduct goes out the window. Keep in mind that women on kink sites, regardless of role, are probably approached daily, maybe even multiple times a day by men. Here are some statistics...In my experience, Dom men to sub females are about 2 to 1. Submissive men to Domme women are more like 10 to 1. If you dont believe me, take a look at the personals ads right here. If you are a male oriented sub looking for a Domme, you are in a very competitive position, and simply making yourself available may not be enough. I will also add that this advice is in no way where your responsibilities end as a prospective sub. This simply outlines likely expectations if you want a reply to your message or ongoing conversation with a Domme woman.
