I am breaking my own rule today and I'm writing angry. As I sit here and stew over the morning's events, drinking my coffee, I have yet another emergency to deal with. My year old puppy's ball has rolled out of reach under the furniture. The dog paces back and fourth, whinning incessantly, poking me with her muzzle, trying her best to alert me of the emergency of the situation. The smallest of issues becomes the biggest of problems in her world because she lacks understandable perspective. Such behavior is acceptable out of a puppy but not from a human, especially a prospective submissive. Eventually, I will get up and get her ball and all will be right with the world but I will do it for her because she is my responsibility.
You are NOT my responsibility! And neither are your "needs" to submit or to orgasm. I don't want to hear about what you want and "need". If you only message me when you want help getting off or to share your sexual desires, doesn't that make me your service sub? Do you have any idea how objectifying and insulting that is as a Domme? Virtually every day I am messaged with requests to provide that very service to strangers. I will not have a sub that expects the same from me.
Here is what I do expect...
I expect you to give your all to serve me and suport our growing dynamic. It is ok to not know how to do that or not be good at it right away. It is ok to ask questions, but submission is not self-imposed orgasm denial that you then beg ME to release you from. Here is what it does mean to me...If you serve me and my interests, if you please me and support the power exchange dynamic, even when you don't want to, that is valuable to me and you will be rewarded.
Will it be frustrating? Yes! Will you want to give up and quit? Probably. This will be insanely hard. If any sub was good enough for me I wouldn't be negotiating with you. I get that this issue is probably a matter of a lack of experience and not one of ignorance or a significant character flaw, at least I choose not to believe that. I also get the unfortunate reality that many men don't know how to engage in a non-selfish sexual relationship. I also would not be upset if I didn't care or expect more from this person by now.
Why is all this going in my blog?
Maybe I hope this person reads it, hears my words, and finally gets it. Maybe I hope that others will see this and can make some positive moves within their own dynamics or in searching for the right person for them. Perhaps mostly it is my hope that other women see this and stop normalizing such behavior by allowing it to continue.
I truly hope it is not too late for us but I can't ignore the fact that damage has been done, and I recognize that I am not the only one that is frustrated in this situation. Time will tell if we can grow into eachother and move beyond this.
