Today has been tough. It started nice enough, I slept in a little (total luxury) and I had planned to spend the day with my girlfriend. She lives about 25 miles from me and on the way my car overheated and I lost my power steering. I knew what it was because I just repaired this 3 weeks ago... my serpentine belt shredded... again. Gf came to the rescue and kept me company while waiting for AAA and drove me home. My mechanic is a great guy but busy and couldn’t make it today. I have a tremendous amount of personal stress lately, I usually cope pretty well, but when I hit max load, I’ll get snotty to M, especially. He’s been busy for the last few weeks. Work deadlines and honestly I’ve been clingy and a handful. I’m desperate for affection and attention. I’ve been a bit of a shit. I’m not doing the things that make me feel better ... the gym, yoga, meal prep. I’m mostly staring at Netflix and sleeping. M bears the brunt, but calls me out on my bs when I become obnoxious. I struggle with jealousy when he has personal responsibilities.... it’s unfair that I feel that way, because he’s so kind about my own, even when they involve my ex. I struggle with being left out of this part of his life... all in good time.
Tonight i I wrote a post about how we, as submissives can forget how Doms are people to.,. This is it.....
I think people would all like to believe that Doms are infallible. That they don’t have emotions, bad days or screw up. Since I am training a fem submissive of my own, it’s been a harsh realization to how difficult (though for most it’s a labor of love) being a Dom can be. The crown is heavy, sisters & brothers. Being responsible for the “care and feeding” (Master’s silly phrase) of a submissive is a big responsibility. Keeping things hot and interesting requires a lot of creativity and patience. It’s a tough gig, but it pays off for the ones who embrace it. There seems to be much gimme gimme, do me do me going on... that is not what living and living in the LS is truly about. Patience is rewarded, kindness and giving Him/Her a place of solitude and rest is imperative.
D-types ... I am grateful for you. I hope many other s-types realize that we are often very greedy and demanding. I offer my Master a place of peace and I at His feet.
i truly do feel that way... but perhaps an hour later I sent Him a message that said “Well I’m going to say goodnight because I’m going to fall asleep waiting for your messages”. He’s been a little off all day and I’ve been lonely and frustrated. I’m trying not to whip myself into a frenzy of need for His attention, but not very successfully. He called me out on it and I fell apart into a flurry of tears and apologies. I failed, in the very way I just preached about.
Tomorrow I will try to do better.,,. I will try not to fail.
